summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
"Dad, can you tell me, what is a solar eclipse ?"
"No sun."
"No sun."
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch me and listen."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"
Prince Charles walked into the room and said. Yes, Mother?
The Queen smiled and said to Charles. "Answer me this please Charles. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered. "That would be me."
"Yes, very good!" Said the Queen.
Ah ha I get it said Jeremy, thank you Ma'am. And in a great rush he left.
Corbyn went back to Parliament and decided to ask Diane Abbott the same question.
"Diane, answer this for me." "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure." Said Abbott. And then in true Diane Abbott style she went on to say. "Let me get back to you on that one."
She went to her advisers and asked everyone, but none could give her an answer.
Frustrated, Diane went for a coffee and met Nigel Farage. "Nigel, see if you can answer this question."
"Okay." Replied Nigel.
"Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Farage immediately answered,."8That's easy, it's me!"
Abbott grinned and said. "Good answer Nigel, I see it all now!"
Abbott then, went back to find Corbyn and said to him. "Jeremy, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle
'If your mother and father have a child who is not your brother or your sister, the child is Nigel Farage!"'
Corbyn went red in the face, got up, stomped over to Abbott, and yelled in her face. "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"
"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch me and listen."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"
Prince Charles walked into the room and said. Yes, Mother?
The Queen smiled and said to Charles. "Answer me this please Charles. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered. "That would be me."
"Yes, very good!" Said the Queen.
Ah ha I get it said Jeremy, thank you Ma'am. And in a great rush he left.
Corbyn went back to Parliament and decided to ask Diane Abbott the same question.
"Diane, answer this for me." "Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure." Said Abbott. And then in true Diane Abbott style she went on to say. "Let me get back to you on that one."
She went to her advisers and asked everyone, but none could give her an answer.
Frustrated, Diane went for a coffee and met Nigel Farage. "Nigel, see if you can answer this question."
"Okay." Replied Nigel.
"Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Farage immediately answered,."8That's easy, it's me!"
Abbott grinned and said. "Good answer Nigel, I see it all now!"
Abbott then, went back to find Corbyn and said to him. "Jeremy, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle
'If your mother and father have a child who is not your brother or your sister, the child is Nigel Farage!"'
Corbyn went red in the face, got up, stomped over to Abbott, and yelled in her face. "No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Had a terrible dream last night that the ocean was full of orange soda. I woke up, and realised it was just a fantasy.
Connor mcloud
Player Valuation: £8m
just been for a job interview, the guy said can you perform under pressure, I said no but I’m quite good at bohemian rhapsody.
At least she has a watch you need to tell the time -yours probably has the time on it !
bigbadjeff
Player Valuation: £15m
Look again.
bigbadjeff
Player Valuation: £15m
The retort to my reply about the photoshopped pic has disappeared, funny that.
bigbadjeff
Player Valuation: £15m
Say to a female, ‘what’s got a 12” penis and winks? “. When she says “ I don’t know “ give tee your sexiest wink. You never know.
Toast
Player Valuation: £80m
bigbadjeff
Player Valuation: £15m
Her, typo like Kurts user name.
Alanbileysfeathercut
Player Valuation: £70m
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be Able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
You’ve been on the pop again haven’t you ya big soft melt
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Bono and The Edge walk into a bar.
The barman says, "oh no, not U2 again."
The barman says, "oh no, not U2 again."