Jokes Thread

[Kurt.]

Started a new job with the samaritans couple of weeks ago.... tried to phone in sick this morning.... the barstewards talked me out of it !!

 

[BNJ1878]

@Joey66

You need to get this back on track mate

 

[Joey66]

@Joey66

You need to get this back on track mate

First we had Thora. Herd now this one as he started reading the Beano joke section again LOL

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Does anybody remember the joke I posted about a chiropractor. About a week back.

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...
Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me
rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "YES!"
The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him
in the head and kills him!
He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ...
YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"
The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!"

 

[Kurt.]

A dog walks into a saloon in the Deep South with a bandage on his arm and says “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw”

 

[blueloon]

A dog walks into a saloon in the Deep South with a bandage on his arm and says “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw”

Limps ... a dog “LIMPS” into a saloon, and dogs have LEGS not arms, tch tch fancy doing that to such an old and venerable joke, shakes head, walks away.

 

[canuckblue]

Donald Trump and John Aldridge meet in a New York bar, both in their cups over recent defeats. They decide to go to the top of the Empire State and jump off. Which one hits the ground first?






































Who the hell cares?

 

[kev]

Donald Trump and John Aldridge meet in a New York bar, both in their cups over recent defeats. They decide to go to the top of the Empire State and jump off. Which one hits the ground first?






































Who the hell cares?

FAKE NEWS
Neither of them would ever acknowledge a defeat.

 

[Joey66]

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

 

[Seathestars]

The wife was going into Labour so I called the Doctor and asked what should I do

He asked ‘is this her first child‘

i said ‘no, I’m her husband’

 

[summerisle]

 

[Kurt.]

Why doesn’t James Bond fart in bed ?


because he’ll blow his cover

lol lol lol

 

[JammyP]

Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard and German are standing together, trying to watch a street performer juggling. He notices they don't have a great view, so he stands on a bin and carries on juggling there. He calls out to them - "Can you see me now?" They answer:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"