Jokes Thread

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a torch!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
 

There was once a boat race between a Japanese crew and an NHS team. Both practised long and hard to reach their peak performance but on the big day the Japanese won by a mile.


The NHS team became discouraged and morale sagged. Senior managers decided the reason for the crushing defeat must be found and set up a working party to investigate the problem and recommend action.


They concluded that the Japanese had eight people rowing and one steering while the NHS team had eight steering to one rowing. They immediately hired a consultancy to look at the team's structure. Millions of pounds and several months later the consultants concluded that too many people were steering and not enough rowing.


To avoid losing again the team structure was changed to give three assistant steering managers, three steering managers, one executive steering manager and a director of steering services. A performance and appraisal system was also set up, to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder.


The Japanese were challenged to another race - and won by two miles. NHS managers responded by laying off the rower for poor performance, selling the oar and cancelling orders for a new boat. The money saved was used to finance higher-than-average pay awards for the steering group."


***
 
A bloke goes to the Docs to have an examination
The Doc tells him
" I'm sorry but I have some bad news for you, you have a strain of Aids called HIV 556".

" What does that mean" says the bloke.
" It means you'll be dead in 3 days" says the Doc

So he goes home and tells his mum " I've got HIV 556 I'll be dead in 3 days". She says " Well, come down the bingo hall with me tonight.

"THE BINGO HALL !!!
THE BINGO HALL I'll be dead in 3 days whats the point?"
"Just come down anyway she says". So he goes to the bingo.

He won everything, 4 corners, any line, full house.
Up comes the National Grid, he won £87k.

The bingo caller said " Son I've never seen someone so luck in my life !"

"LUCKY !" he said

"LUCKY ! I've got HIV556!!!"
The bingo caller said " **** me you've won the raffle as well!!"
 


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