Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
I was best man at a Cannibal wedding on Saturday.You should have seen their guests eyes light up when I announced, "We will now Toast the Bride and Groom,"
The Celtic View
Player Valuation: £15m
I'm guessing Methuselah probably heard the joke first. I believe he's a fair old age.
I've been prescribed anti-gloating cream.
I can't wait to rub it in.
I can't wait to rub it in.
Methuselah
Player Valuation: £35m
Lad was really shy with girls. His best mate was different, always had a girl on his arm. The lad really fancied the girl next door so asked his mate for some advice. His mate said it was easy. You just say something like 'it's a lovely day today' then something like 'don't the flowers look nice at this time of the year'. 'Before you know it, you are chatting away.
The next day, the lad looked out of the window and saw the girl next door going down to the outside loo at the bottom of the garden. He went out and waited. When she came out he said 'it's a lovely day today' she said 'yes'.
He said 'don't the flowers look nice at this time of the year', she said 'yes'. He said 'er, erm.................did you enjoy your crap'.
The next day, the lad looked out of the window and saw the girl next door going down to the outside loo at the bottom of the garden. He went out and waited. When she came out he said 'it's a lovely day today' she said 'yes'.
He said 'don't the flowers look nice at this time of the year', she said 'yes'. He said 'er, erm.................did you enjoy your crap'.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Bishop Thumpety-Thump
Player Valuation: £15m
What do we want?
More Mavis Riley impersonators!
When do we want them?
Well I really don't know!
More Mavis Riley impersonators!
When do we want them?
Well I really don't know!
I wonder how many on GOT will know the reference ? Mavis Riley left CS I don’t know how long ago
Methuselah
Player Valuation: £35m
I remember her starting as a young lass! Actually, I saw the very first episode of CS. Remember saying 'it'll never catch on.'
Blueboy57
Player Valuation: £950k
Thought Les Dennis said it better than Mavis herself.
aazak
Player Valuation: £20m
Reminded me of the revolutionary cry of the middle classes:
What do we want?
Gradual change.
When do we want it?
In due course.
My father was a conjoined twin, his brother was my uncle on my father’s side..... when they got separated he was my uncle once removed
deipnosophist
Player Valuation: £80m
this is one I made up myself:
Reports are coming in about a man dressed up as Cookie Bear taking money from children after promising to deliver them chocolate chip cookies...which he never does. Police are advising parents to have their children avoid any contact with this bear-faced liar.
Reports are coming in about a man dressed up as Cookie Bear taking money from children after promising to deliver them chocolate chip cookies...which he never does. Police are advising parents to have their children avoid any contact with this bear-faced liar.
The binman chronicles
Player Valuation: £80m
Isn't it 'I don't really know'?
gonetomorrow
Player Valuation: £70m
No it's Well I don't rightly know!