Jokes Thread

anton66 · December 26, 2023

Ivo said:
Ken dodd's dad's dog's dead.

Bit of a tongue twister.

Diddy?

anton66 · December 26, 2023

Man chats I a women in a bar. She says hi, my name’s Carmen because I like cars and men, what’s your name?
He replied, BJ Titsngolf.

Alanbileysfeathercut · December 26, 2023

“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink. The gentleman asked, “So how many have you caught today?

”The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

Sadken · December 26, 2023

anton66 said:
Diddy?

No doddy.

Kurt. · December 28, 2023

Bought a dog yesterday off the local Blacksmith…. As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door !!

Milk · December 29, 2023

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer....

Not sure what they were laced with but I've been tripping all day.

I'll get my coat.

Milk · January 2, 2024

Not wishing to blow my own trumpet but just before Christmas I released my own fragrance

The others in the car weren’t too keen on it

davep · January 3, 2024

notrevE5 said:
Husband and wife sitting on the sofa viewing TV on a winters night

Husband : there's nothing really worth watching, its time to head down to the pub, put your coat on dear

Wife: oh great you're taking me with you?

Husband: No, I turned the heat off

@Lobworm

Lobworm · January 3, 2024

davep said:
@Lobworm

is rice

notrevE5 · January 3, 2024

A guy up at the counter of a car rental centre

he selects a limo and goes about paying for it

Agent: "that is £350 charged to your credit card Sir, thank you, did I mention this service doesn't come with a driver"

Customer: " Are you serious ? £350 and nothing to chauffeur it

Joey66 · January 4, 2024

Milk said:
Not wishing to blow my own trumpet but just before Christmas I released my own fragrance

The others in the car weren’t too keen on it

How many Christmas crackers did you pull this year lol

Milk · January 4, 2024

Joey66 said:
How many Christmas crackers did you pull this year lol

Not enough ….

I went to the dentists today.

He was wearing Levis that came up to his chest. He said he was the High Jeanist.

Sarnia Kevin · January 5, 2024

A T-rex and a velociraptor are sitting in a bar. The velociraptor points to a triceratops in the corner and says, "Why is he first to get served?" The T-rex says, "Because he was herbivorous…”