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Messymascot's faith in humanity and ginger safe haven

jazzy said:
Hi Blue and Pete,

I've waited 30 minutes or so after reading your posts before replying.

I hope what I say doesn't cause offence but we have always expressed honest opinions between friends on this brilliant thread.

Well I haven't been married as long as either of you but have been with my wife for over 40 years and married for 35 come October.

As you both know my wife has has serious health issues ( which fortunately she has come through) including 2 open heart
surgeries when there was a possibility that she might not survive the operation.

So, in my darkest days I ( rightly or wrongly) contemplated what life would be like without her.

At no point did I consider that I would not want to live if she was no longer with me.

Our own Fred and Roydo have shown us that hard as it is , it is possible to rebuild your life after the loss of your beloved partner. Please , please understand Fred that I am in no way trying to minimise the effect upon you of the loss of Cal and only you know how you have been able to cope. However they are living proof that literally "life goes on".

In my case I would need to be here to look after my mum and the animals but even if that wasn't the case I believe that , like Fred , I would have to find things , friends , whatever to build a new life.

I know that in my wife's case that God forbid I died in an accident tomorrow that she would feel the same and would do what she needed to do . And that's what I would want her to do .

So, in all honesty I cannot really understand the concept that you have both related. This isn't a subject that I would normally chat about but given that both raised it I feel it appropriate to express my opinion if only to show solidarity with Fred.

If Blue and Pete what you and your wives have agreed is right for you then who is anyone to express a contrary opinion but as a friend I would urge you to consider the effect upon others , you have so many other people that love you.

I have had 2 friends commit suicide and the effect upon their families was distressing and profound and something that many of them could never come to terms with.

Well, there we are. I've expressed my opinion. I hope that others feel able to offer their wisdom.

Once again I hope that I haven't caused offence.
Click to expand...
I think my thoughts are similar to yours. I couldn't leave my children (and should I be blessed with them, grandchildren) behind. My Mum and Dad were married for 57 years. Mum died in 2017. I never thought Dad would last as long as he did without her. Not because he was incompetent snd couldn't look after himself but because she was his social butterfly and organised all their social stuff. But he did. He kept in contact with their friends, went out occasionally to visit them and invited them to his. He missed her terribly but he kept going. And I think part of that was because of his children and grandchildren.
However @peteblue and @blue1948 you have shared deeply personal feelings and I totally respect that.
 
jazzy said:
Hi Blue and Pete,

I've waited 30 minutes or so after reading your posts before replying.

I hope what I say doesn't cause offence but we have always expressed honest opinions between friends on this brilliant thread.

Well I haven't been married as long as either of you but have been with my wife for over 40 years and married for 35 come October.

As you both know my wife has has serious health issues ( which fortunately she has come through) including 2 open heart
surgeries when there was a possibility that she might not survive the operation.

So, in my darkest days I ( rightly or wrongly) contemplated what life would be like without her.

At no point did I consider that I would not want to live if she was no longer with me.

Our own Fred and Roydo have shown us that hard as it is , it is possible to rebuild your life after the loss of your beloved partner. Please , please understand Fred that I am in no way trying to minimise the effect upon you of the loss of Cal and only you know how you have been able to cope. However they are living proof that literally "life goes on".

In my case I would need to be here to look after my mum and the animals but even if that wasn't the case I believe that , like Fred , I would have to find things , friends , whatever to build a new life.

I know that in my wife's case that God forbid I died in an accident tomorrow that she would feel the same and would do what she needed to do . And that's what I would want her to do .

So, in all honesty I cannot really understand the concept that you have both related. This isn't a subject that I would normally chat about but given that both raised it I feel it appropriate to express my opinion if only to show solidarity with Fred.

If Blue and Pete what you and your wives have agreed is right for you then who is anyone to express a contrary opinion but as a friend I would urge you to consider the effect upon others , you have so many other people that love you.

I have had 2 friends commit suicide and the effect upon their families was distressing and profound and something that many of them could never come to terms with.

Well, there we are. I've expressed my opinion. I hope that others feel able to offer their wisdom.

Once again I hope that I haven't caused offence.
Click to expand...
@jazzy , I fully understand your point and it is totally valid ,I never thought of @Barnfred 55 or @roydo when posting as the decision was made many years ago . I too I am in awe of the way fred has coped but would in no way relate my circumstance to his .I would be alone in a foreign country and not be in a position to afford to return to the UK even if I wished .
I haven't mentioned this before which is going to fly in the face of my last comment but when I visited my mate @Barnfred 55 I had gone on a one way tickets as we were having real problems with my wife drinking too much in that she was falling and breaking bones -in one case she had a plate with 9 screws inserted in her shoulder after a 5 hour operation .
Fred persuaded me to return as the love was still evident and for that I am eternally grateful ,it did serve as a wake up call and all has been fine since I returned ,looking back I think that was the aim and that buying a cheap house in Northern Spain was never the best option .
I am not saying that life is cheap enough to throw away and if I read @Barnfred 55 correctly despite him missing Cal every waking moment ,he never went down that line and nor should he .
As for @peteblue he has his reasons for saying what he did and I am certain his decision is not meant to influence others .
 
blue1948 said:
Can I once again thank everyone new and old for making this such a haven .The world is a better place for this thread and I have wanted to tell of my visit and the real reason for ages ,finally you can all hear honestly what @Barnfred 55 did for me and my wife
Click to expand...
Mate. I really didn't do anything other than remind you of how much you and Arja loved each other, which was crystal clear, at least to me anyway. I'm sure you were always going to get on that plane back to Finland, with or without input from me. I'm just glad i managed to con you into doing all my ironing before you left. ;)
 

jazzy said:
Hi Blue and Pete,

I've waited 30 minutes or so after reading your posts before replying.

I hope what I say doesn't cause offence but we have always expressed honest opinions between friends on this brilliant thread.

Well I haven't been married as long as either of you but have been with my wife for over 40 years and married for 35 come October.

As you both know my wife has has serious health issues ( which fortunately she has come through) including 2 open heart
surgeries when there was a possibility that she might not survive the operation.

So, in my darkest days I ( rightly or wrongly) contemplated what life would be like without her.

At no point did I consider that I would not want to live if she was no longer with me.

Our own Fred and Roydo have shown us that hard as it is , it is possible to rebuild your life after the loss of your beloved partner. Please , please understand Fred that I am in no way trying to minimise the effect upon you of the loss of Cal and only you know how you have been able to cope. However they are living proof that literally "life goes on".

In my case I would need to be here to look after my mum and the animals but even if that wasn't the case I believe that , like Fred , I would have to find things , friends , whatever to build a new life.

I know that in my wife's case that God forbid I died in an accident tomorrow that she would feel the same and would do what she needed to do . And that's what I would want her to do .

So, in all honesty I cannot really understand the concept that you have both related. This isn't a subject that I would normally chat about but given that both raised it I feel it appropriate to express my opinion if only to show solidarity with Fred.

If Blue and Pete what you and your wives have agreed is right for you then who is anyone to express a contrary opinion but as a friend I would urge you to consider the effect upon others , you have so many other people that love you.

I have had 2 friends commit suicide and the effect upon their families was distressing and profound and something that many of them could never come to terms with.

Well, there we are. I've expressed my opinion. I hope that others feel able to offer their wisdom.

Once again I hope that I haven't caused offence.
Click to expand...
To be fair to Pete and Blue I don't think there is any right or wrong answer to this. We are all different and will all react to different situations in our own way. I don't think it's even a question of how much you love your partner or how much they love you. It's about how you are able to cope without them in your lives anymore, or whether you even want to.

As Roydo will no doubt confirm, losing your partner, especially a long term one, is completely different to anything you will have experienced beforehand as your lives are so inextricably linked. Your world is literally turned completely upside down. Despite what people may say now, I don't think anybody really knows how they will react until they've actually been put in that situation themselves.

As you say Jazz, I have been able to rebuild my life since Cal passed. I wouldn't say that I have moved on because I haven't, but I have been able to adjust and acceptance of the fact that my life is going to be very different now is a massive part of that. And even nearly 2 years on Cal still has a big impact on my life. Whenever I'm faced with a situation or an important decision to make, I always ask myself what Cal would do, or more appropriately what she would want me to do. Works for me, but that doesn't mean that it would work for everybody else. What I would hope is that, put in the same situation, Pete and Blue don't rush into things, and that they fully consider the impact of their actions on those close to them. I'm sure they will.

And I'd just personally like to thank Pete for dropping that hand grenade into the thread last night. Cheers mate. ;)

Can I just also add that Karl was a massive influence on me at the time. He inspired an inner strength in me that I honestly didn't no existed
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Good morning. It's been quite an intense morning here so here's a rubbish joke

I was recently asked if I had heard of a new indie band Skinny Jeans. I had a listen but couldn't get into them.

Have a good day lovelies x
Click to expand...
Nice one Anj ,

In other news I've been dismantaling the bed in the spare bedroom , taking the wardrobe to bits ( still bloody heavy bits mind ) and moving it all downstairs to take to the rescue shop for them to sell ahead of some new stuff that Mrs J ordered - well I was there at the time but not paying too much attention - arriving on Wednesday. What fun !
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Good morning. It's been quite an intense morning here so here's a rubbish joke

I was recently asked if I had heard of a new indie band Skinny Jeans. I had a listen but couldn't get into them.

Have a good day lovelies x
Click to expand...
Don't give up your day job :p

This was much funnier though.
anjelikaferrett said:
I thought you were giving an instruction 🤣🤣
Click to expand...
 

blue1948 said:
@jazzy , I fully understand your point and it is totally valid ,I never thought of @Barnfred 55 or @roydo when posting as the decision was made many years ago . I too I am in awe of the way fred has coped but would in no way relate my circumstance to his .I would be alone in a foreign country and not be in a position to afford to return to the UK even if I wished .
I haven't mentioned this before which is going to fly in the face of my last comment but when I visited my mate @Barnfred 55 I had gone on a one way tickets as we were having real problems with my wife drinking too much in that she was falling and breaking bones -in one case she had a plate with 9 screws inserted in her shoulder after a 5 hour operation .
Fred persuaded me to return as the love was still evident and for that I am eternally grateful ,it did serve as a wake up call and all has been fine since I returned ,looking back I think that was the aim and that buying a cheap house in Northern Spain was never the best option .
I am not saying that life is cheap enough to throw away and if I read @Barnfred 55 correctly despite him missing Cal every waking moment ,he never went down that line and nor should he .
As for @peteblue he has his reasons for saying what he did and I am certain his decision is not meant to influence others .
Click to expand...
Thank you for trusting us enough to share. I wish you and Mrs Blue all the very best.💙
 
anjelikaferrett said:
I think my thoughts are similar to yours. I couldn't leave my children (and should I be blessed with them, grandchildren) behind. My Mum and Dad were married for 57 years. Mum died in 2017. I never thought Dad would last as long as he did without her. Not because he was incompetent snd couldn't look after himself but because she was his social butterfly and organised all their social stuff. But he did. He kept in contact with their friends, went out occasionally to visit them and invited them to his. He missed her terribly but he kept going. And I think part of that was because of his children and grandchildren.
However @peteblue and @blue1948 you have shared deeply personal feelings and I totally respect that.
Click to expand...
I echo your thoughts Anj. I couldn’t willingly leave my children and grandchildren behind.
My Mum was widowed young, at 57. My Dad had been her only boyfriend and to be honest I was very worried as to how she would cope with the loss but she did and found a reason to live for her family. For the rest of her life, she was 90, she was never able to look at a photograph of my Dad though, it was just too painful. Having said all that I would understand if anyone found that living without their soulmate too hard to bear. @peteblue and @blue1948 thanks for sharing.💙
 
anjelikaferrett said:
I think my thoughts are similar to yours. I couldn't leave my children (and should I be blessed with them, grandchildren) behind. My Mum and Dad were married for 57 years. Mum died in 2017. I never thought Dad would last as long as he did without her. Not because he was incompetent snd couldn't look after himself but because she was his social butterfly and organised all their social stuff. But he did. He kept in contact with their friends, went out occasionally to visit them and invited them to his. He missed her terribly but he kept going. And I think part of that was because of his children and grandchildren.
However @peteblue and @blue1948 you have shared deeply personal feelings and I totally respect that.
Click to expand...
That's key for me too Anj. I'll be fighting for to be here for as long as is humanly possible to be a part of their lives and for whatever life throws at them, the loss of mum or dad being one of them. Same for my missus.
 

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