Dear Mr Mosh…
Can I have a copy of the job description for the position previously vacated by Carlo please?…
I wouldn’t normally consider myself to be ‘in the running’, but it seems you’re considering offering the position to Benitez?…. So, ‘nothing ventured nothing gained‘ and all that…
Also, is it possible to have a copy of Mr Brands job description please?
I only ask because it would be good to know what my working relationship with him would be if I got the job?
I think I know what a D.O.F is supposed to do, but it would be good to know if you have a ‘different take‘ on this role?
A bit about me;
I’m 52, so (in managerial terms) not too old and not too young - but old enough to remember when we had passion, fight, played good football and won things
I’m not a kopite RS - unlike some on the shortlist
I’m not a big fan of brown shoes (even phenomenal ones)
I can run faster than most of our current squad
I’m pretty confident I won’t get poached by Real Madrid
My wage demands are modest, but I’d like Margot Robbie as my personal assistant please - there seems to be a lot of love for Amanda Holden within the fan base, so she‘ll do if Margot’s not available.
I think that’s about it, but just a closing thought about the current vacancy…. Did I mention I’m not an RS?
Dear Mr Mosh…
Firstly, thank you for your speedy reply, very much appreciated.
On reflection, I think I may have acted a little hastily in applying for this position as I understand that the Belgium national team Manager job may become available in the short term.
Also, I’m not sure we’re on the same page as I’m struggling to comprehend how you view Duncan as a ‘viable alternative’ to Miss Robbie or Miss Holden? I fear my job description for ‘personal assistant’ may differ somewhat to yours.
Regarding the above point, there seems to be a trend developing, as your expectations of a Director of Football also seem somewhat different to everyone else’s.
Thank you for sending through a copy of Mr Brands job description, however, google translate doesn’t recognise the dialect it’s written in? …so I’m still none the wiser
For transparency, I have nothing against Duncan, but I do wonder if he has incriminating photo’s of you and Mr Usmanov, such is his tenure at the club…
Also, I’ve read through the application forms and I’m confused by a number of the questions;
1) Tell me about a time when
one of your team has underperformed and how you addressed this?
is this a trick question?
2) One of your key players requests ’annual leave’ before the season is over with the outside chance you could still qualify for Europe , what do you do?
Can I confer with Contract Dave on this one, as surely this is so ridiculous a request that it’s a test of my legal acumen rather than an actual realistic scenario?
3) Your DOF wants to sign Harry Kane, but your Chairman & Majority shareholder both want to sign Michael Caine, what do you do?
I have diplomatic experience with the United Nations, but without being able to translate the DOF’s job description I’m scratching my head here…
To summarise, I’m a little less certain than I was yesterday that I’m the right man for the job. Having said that, as the current Barca, Real and Belgium national team mangers all failed direly here, maybe I shouldn’t underestimate myself.
Perhaps we should both take some time to reflect?