I want to see a massive camel train, led by Tim Cahill, dressed as Lawrence of Arabia. Each camel loaded up with huge sacks gold and diamonds, and as it pulls up out side the ground, he announces that the money he has brought with him is just to cover the free bar in all the known blue boozers around Goodison for the forthcoming season. The debts and a groin achingly large transfer war chest has already been transfereed across. All the PL and UEFA beauts are currently being ‘persuaded by a coachful of £10,000 per hour hookers and a wheelbarrow load of beak to make sure FFP isn't an issue. As the cheering dies down he says, “Plus we have brought Klippity out of retirement and he will shortly be making a full confession to the police, UEFA and the EPL that all the trophies on on his watch were aided by vast amounts of asthma inhalers, and that subsequently all those trophies should be handed back and that the club should be disbanded and start again in the Zingari league going under the new name of pissy-knicks FC.
Now I realise that this is a long shot, but I have been off my meds now for five days and the talking dolphin in my bog reckons its absoloutely going to happen!