SpurtingLesbian
Ken Dodd Nagasaki
no 'Unauthorised trousers' allowed remember ;-)
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Not Safe For Work! Spurty's Newsround
- Thread starter SpurtingLesbian
- Start date
- Status
Donald Twain
Vide cor meum
Is there a list?
Whistlin' Dixie
Player Valuation: £50m
Donald, where's yer (unauthorised) troosers??
*I'm just going outside - I may be some time...
Donald Twain
Vide cor meum
Good I can get them back from under ya mar's bed now!
SpurtingLesbian
Ken Dodd Nagasaki
http://metro.co.uk/2016/02/18/tesco...nd-replacing-them-with-straight-ones-5704313/
Tesco is banning curved croissants and replacing them with straight ones
Thursday 18 Feb 2016 2:50 pm
Curved croissants
Tesco is chucking out its crescent-shaped croissants and replacing them with straight ones instead.
The reason? British croissant eaters struggle to spread their jam on a curved surface, leading to dwindling sales of French pastry – apparently.
And Tesco claims as many as three quarters of customers prefer straight croissants over bent ones.
The move comes with immediate effect, with all Tesco supermarkets only selling straight croissants from tomorrow morning.
Did you know?
Croissants actually originated in Austria with the ‘Kipferl’ (German for crescent).
It was created to celebrate the defeat of the Turkish army in the siege of Vienna in 1683.
The crescent shape was chosen as it is similar to the emblem in the Turkish flag.
But the decision has provoked mockery among dozens of croissant lovers on social media, who point out that the name ‘croissant’ literally means ‘crescent’ in French.
Tom Kretchmar wrote: ‘England I love you so much but you are better than this (actually England this is very you).’
Laura Drake Chambers wrote: ‘SERIOUSLY??? Kill me now.’
Another wrote: ‘So NOT croissants! Easier to spread with jam? Just how infantile are some Tesco shoppers?’
And this cynical user tweeted: ‘More likely Tesco’s driving motive to scrap the curved croissant is bcs u can fit + straight on tray = cutting baking costs.’
Straight croissants
Harry Jones, from Tesco, said: ‘At the heart of the move away from curved croissants is the ‘spreadability’ factor.
‘The majority of shoppers find it easier to spread jam, or their preferred filling, on a straighter shape with a single sweeping.
‘With the crescent shaped croissants, it’s more fiddly and most people can take up to three attempts to achieve perfect coverage, which increases the potential for accidents involving sticky fingers and tables.’
Tesco is banning curved croissants and replacing them with straight ones
Thursday 18 Feb 2016 2:50 pm
Curved croissants
Tesco is chucking out its crescent-shaped croissants and replacing them with straight ones instead.
The reason? British croissant eaters struggle to spread their jam on a curved surface, leading to dwindling sales of French pastry – apparently.
And Tesco claims as many as three quarters of customers prefer straight croissants over bent ones.
The move comes with immediate effect, with all Tesco supermarkets only selling straight croissants from tomorrow morning.
Did you know?
Croissants actually originated in Austria with the ‘Kipferl’ (German for crescent).
It was created to celebrate the defeat of the Turkish army in the siege of Vienna in 1683.
The crescent shape was chosen as it is similar to the emblem in the Turkish flag.
But the decision has provoked mockery among dozens of croissant lovers on social media, who point out that the name ‘croissant’ literally means ‘crescent’ in French.
Tom Kretchmar wrote: ‘England I love you so much but you are better than this (actually England this is very you).’
Laura Drake Chambers wrote: ‘SERIOUSLY??? Kill me now.’
Another wrote: ‘So NOT croissants! Easier to spread with jam? Just how infantile are some Tesco shoppers?’
And this cynical user tweeted: ‘More likely Tesco’s driving motive to scrap the curved croissant is bcs u can fit + straight on tray = cutting baking costs.’
Straight croissants
‘The majority of shoppers find it easier to spread jam, or their preferred filling, on a straighter shape with a single sweeping.
‘With the crescent shaped croissants, it’s more fiddly and most people can take up to three attempts to achieve perfect coverage, which increases the potential for accidents involving sticky fingers and tables.’
SpurtingLesbian
Ken Dodd Nagasaki
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/w...aiming-he-would-sell-himself-to-a6894846.html
Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi 'put on sale' on eBay after claiming he would sell himself to help economy
'If it were possible for me to be sold, I would sell myself,'' he said in a speech on Wednesday
The listing was taken down before the President was officially 'sold' PA
The President of Egypt has been put “on sale” on eBay after vowing that he would sell himself to help the country’s economy.
Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, the former army head who ousted his predecessor Mohammed Morsi, was widely mocked for his pledge as he laid out development plans on Wednesday.
“If it were possible for me to be sold, I would sell myself,'' he said in a speech on state television, where he also reportedly asked Egyptians to donate to public funds by text.
Bids reached more than $100,000 before the page was taken down
An eBay user quickly held the President to his word by putting him up for sale on a joke page.
Bids from more than 100 users quickly rocketed to $100,300 (£72,000) but the page was taken down later on Wednesday.
Next to a photo of a laughing President Sisi, he was listed as a “slightly used” field marshal and doctor of philosophers with a military background, according to a translation byForeign Policy.
The seller, “dr_motown”, told a potential buyer asking for more information the head of state had been used by “his previous owners (Gulf royals)”.
"Hey world, we decided to sell the infamous Egyptian Field Marshal and military coup leader Mr Abdel Fatah el-Sisi on eBay to bail out the Egyptian economy so you don't have to," the description read.
"The field marshal himself stated that if selling himself will help, he will not hesitate to do it. So, we are doing it for him, for us and for the humanity.
"Please, bid now to help Egypt gain its political and economic independence...you will not regret it!" Returns were not
Sisi was formerly Egypt’s official military attaché in Saudi Arabia and described himself as a doctor sent by God to inform world leaders, intelligence experts, politicians and the “greatest philosophers” in a speech last year.
Egypt is suffering from a sharp decline in tourism revenue following flight bans to Sharm el-Sheikh sparked by the downing of a Russian passenger jet.
Visitors have also been deterred by social unrest and terrorist attacks across the country, which have largely been claimed by the local Isis affiliate.
Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi 'put on sale' on eBay after claiming he would sell himself to help economy
'If it were possible for me to be sold, I would sell myself,'' he said in a speech on Wednesday
The listing was taken down before the President was officially 'sold' PA
The President of Egypt has been put “on sale” on eBay after vowing that he would sell himself to help the country’s economy.
Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, the former army head who ousted his predecessor Mohammed Morsi, was widely mocked for his pledge as he laid out development plans on Wednesday.
“If it were possible for me to be sold, I would sell myself,'' he said in a speech on state television, where he also reportedly asked Egyptians to donate to public funds by text.
Bids reached more than $100,000 before the page was taken down
Bids from more than 100 users quickly rocketed to $100,300 (£72,000) but the page was taken down later on Wednesday.
Next to a photo of a laughing President Sisi, he was listed as a “slightly used” field marshal and doctor of philosophers with a military background, according to a translation byForeign Policy.
The seller, “dr_motown”, told a potential buyer asking for more information the head of state had been used by “his previous owners (Gulf royals)”.
"Hey world, we decided to sell the infamous Egyptian Field Marshal and military coup leader Mr Abdel Fatah el-Sisi on eBay to bail out the Egyptian economy so you don't have to," the description read.
"The field marshal himself stated that if selling himself will help, he will not hesitate to do it. So, we are doing it for him, for us and for the humanity.
"Please, bid now to help Egypt gain its political and economic independence...you will not regret it!" Returns were not
Sisi was formerly Egypt’s official military attaché in Saudi Arabia and described himself as a doctor sent by God to inform world leaders, intelligence experts, politicians and the “greatest philosophers” in a speech last year.
Egypt is suffering from a sharp decline in tourism revenue following flight bans to Sharm el-Sheikh sparked by the downing of a Russian passenger jet.
Visitors have also been deterred by social unrest and terrorist attacks across the country, which have largely been claimed by the local Isis affiliate.
Yorkie
Player Valuation: £35m
ZIP xxxhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-35604300
'Unauthorised trousers' kill Canadian zoo's otter
- 18 February 2016
A Canadian zoo is under scrutiny following the death of an otter which had been given a pair of trousers to play with in its enclosure.
Logan, a 12-year-old American river otter, drowned at Calgary Zoo after being given the article of clothing as an "unauthorised enrichment item", the Calgary Sun newspaper reports.
The zoo's general curator, Colleen Baird, says Logan got trapped in one of the trouser legs, and two employees have subsequently been disciplined following an investigation into the incident.
"It was human error and we take animal deaths very seriously," she tells the paper, but refuses to be drawn on who was responsible. "It's irrelevant how exactly the pants got in there, it's more that the pants got in there in the first place."
"Enrichment items" are common in zoos, but they should be things which occur naturally in the animal's environment, Ms Baird says, and trousers don't fit the bill.
While the zoo says its animal care protocols "are among the most stringent in the industry", it has faced criticism over the otter's death.
Julie Woodyer, from animal welfare group Zoocheck, told Canadian broadcaster CBC: "It smacks of the kinds of things you might see at a roadside zoo, not in a professional operation."
It's not the first time that Calgary Zoo has experienced unfortunate incidents involving its animals. Among those highlighted by CBC were the 2013 death of a female penguin which swallowed a foot-long stick; and a spider monkey which died of frostbite after being left outside in cold weather.
In 2009, a gorilla was photographed wielding a knife which a keeper had inadvertently left in its enclosure, an incident the zoo described as "overblown" because gorillas don't understand the concept of using tools as weapons.
(better than being flattened with a spade I guess)
Yorkie
Player Valuation: £35m
If you wanted to see a bird putting a long stick in her mouth and primitive creatures wielding knives, save money on flights to Canada and come over my neck of the woods.
Donald Twain
Vide cor meum
I prefer a straight puff to a bent one any day!http://metro.co.uk/2016/02/18/tesco...nd-replacing-them-with-straight-ones-5704313/
Tesco is banning curved croissants and replacing them with straight ones
Thursday 18 Feb 2016 2:50 pm
Curved croissants
Tesco is chucking out its crescent-shaped croissants and replacing them with straight ones instead.
The reason? British croissant eaters struggle to spread their jam on a curved surface, leading to dwindling sales of French pastry – apparently.
And Tesco claims as many as three quarters of customers prefer straight croissants over bent ones.
The move comes with immediate effect, with all Tesco supermarkets only selling straight croissants from tomorrow morning.
Did you know?
Croissants actually originated in Austria with the ‘Kipferl’ (German for crescent).
It was created to celebrate the defeat of the Turkish army in the siege of Vienna in 1683.
The crescent shape was chosen as it is similar to the emblem in the Turkish flag.
But the decision has provoked mockery among dozens of croissant lovers on social media, who point out that the name ‘croissant’ literally means ‘crescent’ in French.
Tom Kretchmar wrote: ‘England I love you so much but you are better than this (actually England this is very you).’
Laura Drake Chambers wrote: ‘SERIOUSLY??? Kill me now.’
Another wrote: ‘So NOT croissants! Easier to spread with jam? Just how infantile are some Tesco shoppers?’
And this cynical user tweeted: ‘More likely Tesco’s driving motive to scrap the curved croissant is bcs u can fit + straight on tray = cutting baking costs.’
Harry Jones, from Tesco, said: ‘At the heart of the move away from curved croissants is the ‘spreadability’ factor.
Straight croissants
‘The majority of shoppers find it easier to spread jam, or their preferred filling, on a straighter shape with a single sweeping.
‘With the crescent shaped croissants, it’s more fiddly and most people can take up to three attempts to achieve perfect coverage, which increases the potential for accidents involving sticky fingers and tables.’
SpurtingLesbian
Ken Dodd Nagasaki
Garden gnome 'joins Greater Manchester Police'
Gnorman is the latest recruit to join Greater Manchester PoliceA garden gnome seized by police has taken gardening leave from his day job to take up a post with police.
The gnome was picked up by officers after being mistaken for a small child when a man was reported walking along the M60 with him in tow.
Nicknamed Gnorman, he has been seen in a police car and taking a breath test with Greater Manchester Police.
Introducing their new recruit, the force tweeted: "Gnorman has asked to work with us."
He has also been given his own version of GMP's force crest.
The gnome even has his own crestOne person commented on social media: "Innocent 'til proven guilty. You should have pixie-lated his face."
The man found with the gnome on Tuesday was arrested for a public order offence.
Gnorman the gnome enjoys a sweet treat when on a break from duty
The gnome was taken from a man walking along the M60
- 25 February 2016
Gnorman is the latest recruit to join Greater Manchester Police
The gnome was picked up by officers after being mistaken for a small child when a man was reported walking along the M60 with him in tow.
Nicknamed Gnorman, he has been seen in a police car and taking a breath test with Greater Manchester Police.
Introducing their new recruit, the force tweeted: "Gnorman has asked to work with us."
He has also been given his own version of GMP's force crest.
The gnome even has his own crest
The man found with the gnome on Tuesday was arrested for a public order offence.
Gnorman the gnome enjoys a sweet treat when on a break from duty
The gnome was taken from a man walking along the M60
dandydan
Player Valuation: £40m
About time too! Bloody foreigners with their curved pastry. Brexit now!http://metro.co.uk/2016/02/18/tesco...nd-replacing-them-with-straight-ones-5704313/
Tesco is banning curved croissants and replacing them with straight ones
Thursday 18 Feb 2016 2:50 pm
Curved croissants
Tesco is chucking out its crescent-shaped croissants and replacing them with straight ones instead.
The reason? British croissant eaters struggle to spread their jam on a curved surface, leading to dwindling sales of French pastry – apparently.
And Tesco claims as many as three quarters of customers prefer straight croissants over bent ones.
The move comes with immediate effect, with all Tesco supermarkets only selling straight croissants from tomorrow morning.
Did you know?
Croissants actually originated in Austria with the ‘Kipferl’ (German for crescent).
It was created to celebrate the defeat of the Turkish army in the siege of Vienna in 1683.
The crescent shape was chosen as it is similar to the emblem in the Turkish flag.
But the decision has provoked mockery among dozens of croissant lovers on social media, who point out that the name ‘croissant’ literally means ‘crescent’ in French.
Tom Kretchmar wrote: ‘England I love you so much but you are better than this (actually England this is very you).’
Laura Drake Chambers wrote: ‘SERIOUSLY??? Kill me now.’
Another wrote: ‘So NOT croissants! Easier to spread with jam? Just how infantile are some Tesco shoppers?’
And this cynical user tweeted: ‘More likely Tesco’s driving motive to scrap the curved croissant is bcs u can fit + straight on tray = cutting baking costs.’
Harry Jones, from Tesco, said: ‘At the heart of the move away from curved croissants is the ‘spreadability’ factor.
Straight croissants
‘The majority of shoppers find it easier to spread jam, or their preferred filling, on a straighter shape with a single sweeping.
‘With the crescent shaped croissants, it’s more fiddly and most people can take up to three attempts to achieve perfect coverage, which increases the potential for accidents involving sticky fingers and tables.’
A baker on the radio a couple of days ago was saying that in France by law croissants made with butter are straight, and those made with marg are curved. Radio 4. Must be true.
Can Tesco do something about his hat?Garden gnome 'joins Greater Manchester Police'
- 25 February 2016
A garden gnome seized by police has taken gardening leave from his day job to take up a post with police.
Gnorman is the latest recruit to join Greater Manchester Police
The gnome was picked up by officers after being mistaken for a small child when a man was reported walking along the M60 with him in tow.
Nicknamed Gnorman, he has been seen in a police car and taking a breath test with Greater Manchester Police.
Introducing their new recruit, the force tweeted: "Gnorman has asked to work with us."
He has also been given his own version of GMP's force crest.
One person commented on social media: "Innocent 'til proven guilty. You should have pixie-lated his face."
The gnome even has his own crest
The man found with the gnome on Tuesday was arrested for a public order offence.
Gnorman the gnome enjoys a sweet treat when on a break from duty
The gnome was taken from a man walking along the M60
SpurtingLesbian
Ken Dodd Nagasaki
http://metro.co.uk/2016/02/25/batman-arrested-for-stealing-cash-from-tourists-5718130/
‘Batman’ arrested for stealing cash from tourists
Batman getting cuffedWell, this is not very superhero-like behaviour.
Batman was arrested in Times Square on Wednesday night after apparently stealing $50 from a tourist and making a run for it, according to the New York Post.
But DC Comics fan need not worry – this wasn’t actually Batman, but an imposter. (Phew)
Jose Escalona-Martinez, 42, was dressed up and posing with two Irish tourists when he allegedly pickpocketed one of them and dashed off.
Because he was just a regular guy and not an actual superhero, police quickly outran him and made the arrest.
‘A dark night for Gotham when fake Batman is led away in cuffs,’ A Better Times Square tweeted.
Escalona-Martinez was charged with grand larceny and possession of stolen property.
‘Batman’ arrested for stealing cash from tourists
Batman getting cuffed
Batman was arrested in Times Square on Wednesday night after apparently stealing $50 from a tourist and making a run for it, according to the New York Post.
But DC Comics fan need not worry – this wasn’t actually Batman, but an imposter. (Phew)
Jose Escalona-Martinez, 42, was dressed up and posing with two Irish tourists when he allegedly pickpocketed one of them and dashed off.
Because he was just a regular guy and not an actual superhero, police quickly outran him and made the arrest.
‘A dark night for Gotham when fake Batman is led away in cuffs,’ A Better Times Square tweeted.
Escalona-Martinez was charged with grand larceny and possession of stolen property.
Whistlin' Dixie
Player Valuation: £50m
Garden gnome 'joins Greater Manchester Police'
- 25 February 2016
A garden gnome seized by police has taken gardening leave from his day job to take up a post with police.
Gnorman is the latest recruit to join Greater Manchester Police
The gnome was picked up by officers after being mistaken for a small child when a man was reported walking along the M60 with him in tow.
Nicknamed Gnorman, he has been seen in a police car and taking a breath test with Greater Manchester Police.
Introducing their new recruit, the force tweeted: "Gnorman has asked to work with us."
He has also been given his own version of GMP's force crest.
One person commented on social media: "Innocent 'til proven guilty. You should have pixie-lated his face."
The gnome even has his own crest
The man found with the gnome on Tuesday was arrested for a public order offence.
Gnorman the gnome enjoys a sweet treat when on a break from duty
The gnome was taken from a man walking along the M60
Probably does a better job than the greater manchester plod.
- Status