Blimey, anyone ever listened to an American 'soccer' podcast??
Well I've just been listening to a load of them and now I'm convinced we need to sign midfielders with surnames that end in the letters 'o' or 'a'. Apparently they have...
* 87% pass completion rate.
* Average ball progression per-tackle shot of 3.1.
* Non-shooting turnover rating of AW2.
* 1.1 pass creating actions per non-territorial turnover.
* 106.35 decelerating ejaculations PPG.
* 32 expected goal line emissions MORE than consonant-ended midfielders.
If I can see this why the heck can't Thelwell!!! What's he even doing??
Sounding the Big Oil klaxon.