summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
I've been working like a Japanese prisoner of war, but a happy one.
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Alan Partridge
- Thread starter summerisle
- Start date
- Status
ijjysmith
Calm
Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome……Properly policed. It must not, repeat not, turn into an all-night rave
Frang
Player Valuation: £70m
I'm totally not sure whether this is partridge or ijj!!
It's AP mate
“This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little babe can cope with anything, and I mean anything. Earlier on I put in a pound of mashed up Dundee cake, let’s take a look…not a trace! Peace of mind I’m sure, especially if you have elderly relatives on board.”
I don't know why I bought this painting. Its got a haunting quality, man and machine. I often look at this in the morning and think, ooh, I'd like to kiss her.
MrD
Player Valuation: £10m
AP: Today we're going to open it out with the question, 'What is the best thing? What's the best thing...of all?'
So far we've got Sky+, er, A cup of Brazil nuts!...That was amusing, Livestock and Wet Wipes. That was a fascinating call from an elderly lady in Hempton.
AP: Let's have some more. Line 2...
Caller: The first smile of a new born.
AP: Aaahhh, Who could not like that? who could not like that though?
Sidekick Simon: Herod?
AP: Yes Herod, because he was a baby killer...We don't like him.
AP: Erm, Line 6, Stuart?
Stuart: It's sliced bread.
AP: What about sliced bread?
Stuart: Sliced bread, it's the best thing isn't it? That's what people say, they say it's the best thing, Sliced bread is.
AP: Well, that's a phrase but it's not actually the best thing is it? That's just a turn of phrase.
Stuart: Yeah but it's the best thing isn't it because that's what people say. They say 'The best thing is sliced bread...'.
AP: I know they say that. I'm familiar with the phrase. But it's just a term, it's not literally true.
Stuart: Then why do people say it? Of course it's true because it's the best thing...is sliced bread.
AP: Stop, If you keep saying it, Stuart, it's not gonna make it any more true. We all know the phrase...It's just an Idiom.
Stuart: You're an idiot.
AP: No, an idiom, not an idiot.
Stuart: You're an idiot.
AP: No you're an idiot for not knowing what idiom is. It's clearly confused you because you think I've just substituted the T with an M...you Smupid Gim, or you Momal Mwam...
[Sidekick Simon writes something down for Alan]
AP: ....Yeah, you're a Compleme Cunm!
Stuart: Well i think you're a prick.
AP: Right, get rid of him. Sorry about that. Er, I should have knocked him off more quickly, I wasn't quick enough so i apologise.
Stuart: ...and a d!ck.
AP: Right, well he's gone now but I'll continue to speak my mind about him. Stuart, I've got to say i think the Clifton suspension bridge was built for people like you. The fact that you can drive cars across it is a bonus, so do the decent thing and leave the keys in your car so someone can shift it afterwards.
Please, don't call in saying I'm encouraging people to kill themselves...again. er, I'm suggesting one person, throws himself off Clifton suspension bridge because he is and hopefully soon to be WAS, a very unpleasant individual...a bit like, Jamiroquai.
(Fades in a Jamiroquai song)
So far we've got Sky+, er, A cup of Brazil nuts!...That was amusing, Livestock and Wet Wipes. That was a fascinating call from an elderly lady in Hempton.
AP: Let's have some more. Line 2...
Caller: The first smile of a new born.
AP: Aaahhh, Who could not like that? who could not like that though?
Sidekick Simon: Herod?
AP: Yes Herod, because he was a baby killer...We don't like him.
AP: Erm, Line 6, Stuart?
Stuart: It's sliced bread.
AP: What about sliced bread?
Stuart: Sliced bread, it's the best thing isn't it? That's what people say, they say it's the best thing, Sliced bread is.
AP: Well, that's a phrase but it's not actually the best thing is it? That's just a turn of phrase.
Stuart: Yeah but it's the best thing isn't it because that's what people say. They say 'The best thing is sliced bread...'.
AP: I know they say that. I'm familiar with the phrase. But it's just a term, it's not literally true.
Stuart: Then why do people say it? Of course it's true because it's the best thing...is sliced bread.
AP: Stop, If you keep saying it, Stuart, it's not gonna make it any more true. We all know the phrase...It's just an Idiom.
Stuart: You're an idiot.
AP: No, an idiom, not an idiot.
Stuart: You're an idiot.
AP: No you're an idiot for not knowing what idiom is. It's clearly confused you because you think I've just substituted the T with an M...you Smupid Gim, or you Momal Mwam...
[Sidekick Simon writes something down for Alan]
AP: ....Yeah, you're a Compleme Cunm!
Stuart: Well i think you're a prick.
AP: Right, get rid of him. Sorry about that. Er, I should have knocked him off more quickly, I wasn't quick enough so i apologise.
Stuart: ...and a d!ck.
AP: Right, well he's gone now but I'll continue to speak my mind about him. Stuart, I've got to say i think the Clifton suspension bridge was built for people like you. The fact that you can drive cars across it is a bonus, so do the decent thing and leave the keys in your car so someone can shift it afterwards.
Please, don't call in saying I'm encouraging people to kill themselves...again. er, I'm suggesting one person, throws himself off Clifton suspension bridge because he is and hopefully soon to be WAS, a very unpleasant individual...a bit like, Jamiroquai.
(Fades in a Jamiroquai song)
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
Alan Partridge - Goes for a ramble
- Status