Anyone having a worse day than me?

[tommye]

A thread for those of us wishing to offload (in my case, literally).

In sure some of you are, for whatever serious reason - but this is my day today:

Tomorrow morning I'm having a routine procedure - an examination - because of family history. Since Saturday I've nit been allowed ANY of my favourite foods. All I've been allowed to eat is beige.

Today at 10 am I ate the last food I'm permitted for 24 hours. At 6pm I have to start drinking a litre of cold wallpaper paste. I will be shitting regularly - the leaflet promises 12-15 toilet visits.

At 5am, amidst broken-toilet-visit-sleep, no doubt, I have to down another litre of slush before more explosive visits to the bog.

At 9am tomorrow I get a camera shoved up my arse and get inflated like a very unhappy balloon. I'm hoping the camera crew is tiny and that there us no need for a sound crew.

In the midst of all this , in case it wasnt bad enough, there's a Derby game.

Cheer me up, for pity's sake.

For you and your anus that mate

 

[Bedfordblue]

Jurgen maybe?

 

[chrismpw]

Women's hourvis cancelled for the month of May.

You'll be telling me Everton won a Derby next.

 

[carlos21]

You'll be telling me Everton won a Derby next.

How are you feeling now.

 

[chrismpw]

How are you feeling now.

Everything's calmed down at the moment, thanks.

Spent a few hours in the bog to come put to this result. Now I'm not really superstitious, but if this what it takes for us to be good, then bring it on.

 

[carlos21]

Everything's calmed down at the moment, thanks.

Spent a few hours in the bog to come put to this result. Now I'm not really superstitious, but if this what it takes for us to be good, then bring it on.

Thats good mate if you want anything just let me know.

 

[NeilMorepies]

Gott in Himmel!!
De reds are spelunken in de league and de Blues are whuppen ein arses at de old ladies…

De anal probings would be ein improvement

 

[carlos21]

For you and your anus that mate

Yo Tommy.

 

[chrismpw]

Sat in the waiting room. Lost 3 pounds with the purge! Swings and roundabouts. Starving and cold.

Someone somewhere in nhs management has bought/hired/chosen this portacabin with a pointless motorised sliding door that is obviously designed to raise the cost.

Can't open it from the outside - no handle, so you try with fingernails and wave your arms around in frustration. Then after a minute or so it opens when the distracted receptionist presses a button to let you on. The open door reveals one way glass and a line of patients who have been watching you get increasingly frustrated.

I'm sat in a queue, despite coming at the allotted time. The door opens occasionally and we have to wait while the receptionist finishes what they're doing, stands up and walks over to rhe button again.

Why not have a simple human operated door and spend the money on doctors/nurses instead?

 

[TowerToffee]

Sat in the waiting room. Lost 3 pounds with the purge! Swings and roundabouts. Starving and cold.

Someone somewhere in nhs management has bought/hired/chosen this portacabin with a pointless motorised sliding door that is obviously designed to raise the cost.

Can't open it from the outside - no handle, so you try with fingernails and wave your arms around in frustration. Then after a minute or so it opens when the distracted receptionist presses a button to let you on. The open door reveals one way glass and a line of patients who have been watching you get increasingly frustrated.

I'm sat in a queue, despite coming at the allotted time. The door opens occasionally and we have to wait while the receptionist finishes what they're doing, stands up and walks over to rhe button again.

Why not have a simple human operated door and spend the money on doctors/nurses instead?

Ahh stop moaning
Seriously though I think those portacabins were first used for covid testing when everyone was deemed to be unclean Minimum contact when you had to request access to the inner sanctum , was the order of the day
Mate's hubby had the same procedure 2 weeks ago ....all clear except for a few benign polyps , hope all goes well for you today Chris

 

[bluejohn66]

Try not to 'Get Hard' Chris when they 'Delve' into ya Man Hole. Just keep thinking Susan Boyle and all will be good

 

[Rita_Poon]

Cheer me up, for pity's sake.

(borrowed from reddit)

 

[chrismpw]

Am out. The doc was a lovely bloke with a penchant for reggae. Unfortunately for me he had enormously thick fingers and I hadn't started the gas and air soon enough.

Watched it on the monitor. It was like I was being part of the world's most horrific computer game.

Thanks for all your help cheering me on folks, and a special thanks to the Toffees for making last evening more bearable.

 

[Prevenger17]

Everything's calmed down at the moment, thanks.

Spent a few hours in the bog to come put to this result. Now I'm not really superstitious, but if this what it takes for us to be good, then bring it on.

I think it's going to be 2 colonoscopies for you every year from now on mate. You owe it to us

 

[Rita_Poon]

Am out. The doc was a lovely bloke with a penchant for reggae. Unfortunately for me he had enormously thick fingers and I hadn't started the gas and air soon enough.

Watched it on the monitor. It was like I was being part of the world's most horrific computer game.

Thanks for all your help cheering me on folks, and a special thanks to the Toffees for making last evening more bearable.

So, your saying he didn't find the Arteta money?