Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[kithnou]

Hi everyone.

Just wanted to drop in and thank everyone for the support I received on mulitple occasions here. It's been a patchy time for me on here and I've been back and forth and promising to be around more often and updating people and generally being rather inconsistent.

A lot of you will know the issues I've been through over the last few months - probably half a year or so now...but I am thankfully in a far, far, FAR better place now and a lot of that is down to the people here.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Thank you.

Great to hear that brother!

 

[kithnou]

Well, I've had a mental (not excusing the pun) couple of weeks. Had my venlafaxine increased to its maximum dosage without more concentrated care. I feel like I am on the edge of something- god knows what it is. I have to say to people touching on Everton having such an effect- have to agree to some extent. Today I feel absolutely horrible.

Anyway- started the night of the Leicester game for me. Got home and was nervous for an examination at the hospital the next morning. Talked to my stepdad about it and whether he was able to go with me. Long story short he was already in a bad mood (my nephew had broke his laptop earlier in the day and my stepdad has serious anger management issues.) He flew off the rail telling me I use and use him. This tipped me over the edge- I responded by telling him I'm scared of ever talking to him for fear of being attacked. He once chased me and my brother around the house with a knife when I was 10 (I'm now 27.) Anyway, I had a bit of a breakdown and began to start banging my head against the wall. My stepdad stood up, shouting how much of a disappointment to the family I was. He then started to strangle me- in my haze I was begging him not to stop, holding his hands to my throat. He didn't stop, until my mum began to hit him around the head. All a bit crazy, and I spent the next week at a friend's. He eventually apologised. Still can't look at him in the face though.

This was at a time when college work was well and truly building up yet again. This was then followed by my sister telling me she was pregnant. I was over the moon, but couldn't feel it. It was too much emotion. A week later, she told me she had a miscarriage. She elected to pass the foetus naturally and consequently has spent the last week or two in bed. My parents have gone away on holiday, so I'm there most days but really don't know what to say or what to do particularly.

Before all of this, about a month ago I was with my nan when she fell over a doorway threshold. She broke her shin, got a gash about 8 inches long which given her age (91) got infected straight away. She spent two weeks at home on IV antibiotics but a month later it still hasn't healed. I'm doing the shopping for her, doing the housework and everything as bar my mum who has her own stresses, there's no one else to do it. Or no one who will.

Now, in the time I manage to get to College, I have a friend who has lost her mother. She is also incredibly intense and has a negative slant on absolutely everything. I understand that, but the other day I told her I need a bit of space given everything going on. She has not reacted well, and self-harmed last night.

I have now 12 essays due in by the end of next week. Things are still all over the place personally. I have just about lost it- my depression isn't even at the forefront anymore. I literally feel as though I'm losing my mind and my spare time is taken up by just vegetating and feeling nervous. I just had to get that written down.

I visited my psychiatrist a couple of months and they feel CBT is no use for me anymore so have left me to my own devices. My doctor has referred me to a psychosexual therapist for my own insecurity/ intimacy issues as I just have no trust for anyone yet love is the thing I desire most from life. Who knows how that's going to work. I'm stuck at home with a stepdad I'm scared at, a mum who is also struggling with everything I am, a nan who is basically housebound. I have no money to move out given I've been aiming to go back to Uni to study Nursing. My sister (one of my best mates in the world) is going through struggles, and my one and only escape- college- is now just as horrible a place to be and I have so much work to catch up on I don't even think I'll get back to Uni.

Giving up here.

As the others have said, don't give up man.
Keep finding people to talk with outside your family.
Have you spoken to the university? They may be understanding to what you are going through? Keep looking at finding some professional you are comfortable talking with. Just don't give up. Life has a way of doing full circles and better times are usually around the corner.

 

[COYBL25]

Well, I've had a mental (not excusing the pun) couple of weeks. Had my venlafaxine increased to its maximum dosage without more concentrated care. I feel like I am on the edge of something- god knows what it is. I have to say to people touching on Everton having such an effect- have to agree to some extent. Today I feel absolutely horrible.

Anyway- started the night of the Leicester game for me. Got home and was nervous for an examination at the hospital the next morning. Talked to my stepdad about it and whether he was able to go with me. Long story short he was already in a bad mood (my nephew had broke his laptop earlier in the day and my stepdad has serious anger management issues.) He flew off the rail telling me I use and use him. This tipped me over the edge- I responded by telling him I'm scared of ever talking to him for fear of being attacked. He once chased me and my brother around the house with a knife when I was 10 (I'm now 27.) Anyway, I had a bit of a breakdown and began to start banging my head against the wall. My stepdad stood up, shouting how much of a disappointment to the family I was. He then started to strangle me- in my haze I was begging him not to stop, holding his hands to my throat. He didn't stop, until my mum began to hit him around the head. All a bit crazy, and I spent the next week at a friend's. He eventually apologised. Still can't look at him in the face though.

This was at a time when college work was well and truly building up yet again. This was then followed by my sister telling me she was pregnant. I was over the moon, but couldn't feel it. It was too much emotion. A week later, she told me she had a miscarriage. She elected to pass the foetus naturally and consequently has spent the last week or two in bed. My parents have gone away on holiday, so I'm there most days but really don't know what to say or what to do particularly.

Before all of this, about a month ago I was with my nan when she fell over a doorway threshold. She broke her shin, got a gash about 8 inches long which given her age (91) got infected straight away. She spent two weeks at home on IV antibiotics but a month later it still hasn't healed. I'm doing the shopping for her, doing the housework and everything as bar my mum who has her own stresses, there's no one else to do it. Or no one who will.

Now, in the time I manage to get to College, I have a friend who has lost her mother. She is also incredibly intense and has a negative slant on absolutely everything. I understand that, but the other day I told her I need a bit of space given everything going on. She has not reacted well, and self-harmed last night.

I have now 12 essays due in by the end of next week. Things are still all over the place personally. I have just about lost it- my depression isn't even at the forefront anymore. I literally feel as though I'm losing my mind and my spare time is taken up by just vegetating and feeling nervous. I just had to get that written down.

I visited my psychiatrist a couple of months and they feel CBT is no use for me anymore so have left me to my own devices. My doctor has referred me to a psychosexual therapist for my own insecurity/ intimacy issues as I just have no trust for anyone yet love is the thing I desire most from life. Who knows how that's going to work. I'm stuck at home with a stepdad I'm scared at, a mum who is also struggling with everything I am, a nan who is basically housebound. I have no money to move out given I've been aiming to go back to Uni to study Nursing. My sister (one of my best mates in the world) is going through struggles, and my one and only escape- college- is now just as horrible a place to be and I have so much work to catch up on I don't even think I'll get back to Uni.

Giving up here.

Please have a look at this forum mate - THE MENTAL HEALTH FORUM.

You've obviously got some complex issues which need to be serioulsy addressed by professionals . This forum
is NHS run and a lot of the people who go on there have complex issues too. I'm sure you can find support you need on there from fellow members . I also think this site is moderated by professionals too and they may be able to PM you and get you in touch with support and help in youre area.

I'd like to offer more support to you but to be honest I wouldn't know where to start as you have so many things going on and I wouldn't want to make anythng worse for you by suggesting something that wasn't for you.

Perhaps Uni could help ? The only reason I say this is that I have a family member who looks after students who have similar problems and helps them cope with the day to day stuff of uni life .

All I can say is don't give up as it may not seem that things will get better, but eventually they will. I've been through some incredible lows and eventually they have bottomed out. Hang in there mate and I hope you can get the help that you really need.

 

[The Esk]

Well, I've had a mental (not excusing the pun) couple of weeks. Had my venlafaxine increased to its maximum dosage without more concentrated care. I feel like I am on the edge of something- god knows what it is. I have to say to people touching on Everton having such an effect- have to agree to some extent. Today I feel absolutely horrible.

Anyway- started the night of the Leicester game for me. Got home and was nervous for an examination at the hospital the next morning. Talked to my stepdad about it and whether he was able to go with me. Long story short he was already in a bad mood (my nephew had broke his laptop earlier in the day and my stepdad has serious anger management issues.) He flew off the rail telling me I use and use him. This tipped me over the edge- I responded by telling him I'm scared of ever talking to him for fear of being attacked. He once chased me and my brother around the house with a knife when I was 10 (I'm now 27.) Anyway, I had a bit of a breakdown and began to start banging my head against the wall. My stepdad stood up, shouting how much of a disappointment to the family I was. He then started to strangle me- in my haze I was begging him not to stop, holding his hands to my throat. He didn't stop, until my mum began to hit him around the head. All a bit crazy, and I spent the next week at a friend's. He eventually apologised. Still can't look at him in the face though.

This was at a time when college work was well and truly building up yet again. This was then followed by my sister telling me she was pregnant. I was over the moon, but couldn't feel it. It was too much emotion. A week later, she told me she had a miscarriage. She elected to pass the foetus naturally and consequently has spent the last week or two in bed. My parents have gone away on holiday, so I'm there most days but really don't know what to say or what to do particularly.

Before all of this, about a month ago I was with my nan when she fell over a doorway threshold. She broke her shin, got a gash about 8 inches long which given her age (91) got infected straight away. She spent two weeks at home on IV antibiotics but a month later it still hasn't healed. I'm doing the shopping for her, doing the housework and everything as bar my mum who has her own stresses, there's no one else to do it. Or no one who will.

Now, in the time I manage to get to College, I have a friend who has lost her mother. She is also incredibly intense and has a negative slant on absolutely everything. I understand that, but the other day I told her I need a bit of space given everything going on. She has not reacted well, and self-harmed last night.

I have now 12 essays due in by the end of next week. Things are still all over the place personally. I have just about lost it- my depression isn't even at the forefront anymore. I literally feel as though I'm losing my mind and my spare time is taken up by just vegetating and feeling nervous. I just had to get that written down.

I visited my psychiatrist a couple of months and they feel CBT is no use for me anymore so have left me to my own devices. My doctor has referred me to a psychosexual therapist for my own insecurity/ intimacy issues as I just have no trust for anyone yet love is the thing I desire most from life. Who knows how that's going to work. I'm stuck at home with a stepdad I'm scared at, a mum who is also struggling with everything I am, a nan who is basically housebound. I have no money to move out given I've been aiming to go back to Uni to study Nursing. My sister (one of my best mates in the world) is going through struggles, and my one and only escape- college- is now just as horrible a place to be and I have so much work to catch up on I don't even think I'll get back to Uni.

Giving up here.

Wow mate, tough reading but you know what you are a survivor. Despite all the difficulties around you, you're here and posting about it. You're also at college which demonstrates you have the desire to improve your situation.

Sounds like you take on other people's difficulties, understandable and admirable especially those that are close to you, however your first responsibility is to yourself.

Keep posting here mate, and continue with the professional help - we're only amateurs not professionals but as fellow blues we care about you. Hang on in there.

 

[kithnou]

Please have a look at this forum mate - THE MENTAL HEALTH FORUM.

You've obviously got some complex issues which need to be serioulsy addressed by professionals . This forum
is NHS run and a lot of the people who go on there have complex issues too. I'm sure you can find support you need on there from fellow members . I also think this site is moderated by professionals too and they may be able to PM you and get you in touch with support and help in youre area.

I'd like to offer more support to you but to be honest I wouldn't know where to start as you have so many things going on and I wouldn't want to make anythng worse for you by suggesting something that wasn't for you.

Perhaps Uni could help ? The only reason I say this is that I have a family member who looks after students who have similar problems and helps them cope with the day to day stuff of uni life .

All I can say is don't give up as it may not seem that things will get better, but eventually they will. I've been through some incredible lows and eventually they have bottomed out. Hang in there mate and I hope you can get the help that you really need.

Great post this Sir.

 

[daz4matty]

had call from McMillan nurse and preliminary scan report shows the mass in my lung has shrunk. will know more Friday when I see oncologist.

Keep my fingers crossed for you dude.

 

[BiggyRat]

Giving up here.

Sweet Jesus Rhys! That was tough to read.

As others have said, you've posted here so there's a bit of fight left in you. When you come out the other side of this, you'll be almost Super Human with strength of character! But...the hard part is to come, getting through it. There's no point hiding it, it will be a tricky part to navigate, but if one can get a sense of a person in their written word, then I believe you can do it.

I have no magic words for you, no step by step guide, but I think the best way to start working through it is by breaking down each issue into single chunks. It's too easy to put all your issues into one bucket & be overwhelmed to the point of despair. Lets just pick one issue for starters...

so I'm there most days but really don't know what to say or what to do particularly.

Mate, your doing it! You're there for her. You underestimate the power of just being there for your Sister. She may never say it, or acknowledge it, but just being a presence in her life at such a horrible time could be all she needs. Years from now, she'll remember this sad time, but she'll also remember that her Brother was there for her.

Next one....

 

[EvertonRhys]

@BiggyRat @kithnou @the esk @COYBL25 @WBN @matty1878

Thank you all for those words. It is a case of day to day, and breaking things down into manageable chunks I'll admit. I got through yesterday by eventually managing to blank things out- and apart from the continued crazy nightmares (probably due to meds) I had a decent sleep. My major issue is taking on too much and at some points having the energy to take on the world and at other points not being able to get out of bed. I'll definitely get registered on that forum, it looks really useful. To be honest it helps me somewhat just getting things written down as too often I just pent things up inside of me. I don't like to put extra pressure on those around me.

I do quite a bit of mental health blog writing, and I do still have some fight in me. My episodes are getting a little more rare, but when they come around they seem even more severe than the last if that makes sense. I guess it is a case of me just feeling overwhelmed wanting to just get back to normal. It feels as though as I can get on track but once normal life challenges present themselves I crumble.

I've been on and off this thread over the last year or so, but I'll definitely keep checking back in, as even though it's anonymous, the support is incredible. On a bad day like yesterday, even one kind word or one acknowledgement can get you through the day. Best wishes to all.

 

[The Esk]

I've been on and off this thread over the last year or so, but I'll definitely keep checking back in, as even though it's anonymous, the support is incredible. On a bad day like yesterday, even one kind word or one acknowledgement can get you through the day. Best wishes to all.

Cheers for that mate, makes posting even the simplest message of support worthwhile.

Hope to hear that things improve for you soon!

 

[Deleted member 28206]

@EvertonRhys Hi - just read your post mate. I can't offer professional advice here but like loads of blues will have suggested, a PM is only a mouse click away, i don't mind having a chat with anyone feeling like giving up. I've been there myself. I wrote a similar post about enough being enough, i can't stress enough the benefit of fighting it off, do not ever give up mate.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

don't think of giving up. I know there's nothing I can say that will help but your reaching out by posting this shows some fight in you. wish there was more I can say.

Basically this, well said mate. I know a lot of people look to you for reference of never 'giving up', and you're an absolute rock of a man for that, i wont go on with infinite appraisal incase you get a massive head

 

[EvertonRhys]

@EvertonRhys Hi - just read your post mate. I can't offer professional advice here but like loads of blues will have suggested, a PM is only a mouse click away, i don't mind having a chat with anyone feeling like giving up. I've been there myself. I wrote a similar post about enough being enough, i can't stress enough the benefit of fighting it off, do not ever give up mate.

Thanks mate. I tell you what, as I'm sure you know, when you are that low sometimes talking is the last thing on your mind, but just the knowledge that you can is enough to pull you through. It's when the darkest of feelings are surrounding you and thinking no one is there just to say hello to, that you can end up doing silly things. And @the esk it really is the most worthwhile thing. I know it helps another one of my mates who's pretty much going through the same thing.

 

[wbn61]

Basically this, well said mate. I know a lot of people look to you for reference of never 'giving up', and you're an absolute rock of a man for that, i wont go on with infinite appraisal incase you get a massive head

thankyou. I know I have been a bit ott this week but that was due some misunderstanding in the hospital somewhere. my wife and father were informed that the cancer had spread and things were not looking too good. but after my scan I have been told that it is the opposite and the cancer has shrunk. chemo is still going ahead Monday but I am waiting to see my oncologist Friday before I listen to anything else.

 

[daz4matty]

thankyou. I know I have been a bit ott this week but that was due some misunderstanding in the hospital somewhere. my wife and father were informed that the cancer had spread and things were not looking too good. but after my scan I have been told that it is the opposite and the cancer has shrunk. chemo is still going ahead Monday but I am waiting to see my oncologist Friday before I listen to anything else.

Thats great news mate if its shrunk lets hope your oncologist confirms it.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks mate. I tell you what, as I'm sure you know, when you are that low sometimes talking is the last thing on your mind, but just the knowledge that you can is enough to pull you through. It's when the darkest of feelings are surrounding you and thinking no one is there just to say hello to, that you can end up doing silly things. And @the esk it really is the most worthwhile thing. I know it helps another one of my mates who's pretty much going through the same thing.

This is just something I want to run by you mate, just thinking out loud so to speak. Have you thought about getting a dog? ( if circumstances allow and you haven't already got one ).

The reason I say this, is that when I was at my worst it was the dog that dragged me out of the house for her walk everyday rain and shine, even if it was for 10 minutes. I got to know people through walking the dog, who didn't know me before I was ill. So the person they met was depressed and they didn't know any different. That's who I was with them and they accepted me for it. It didn't happen overnight but over months, I'm still mates with some of them now even the though the dog has since died.

No matter how bad I was feeling the dog was always there, a source of companionship and comfort. I really don't know what I would have done without her during my darkest times - only a thought ?