Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[larbert toffee]

I'm a mess mate, haven't washed for a week, but must get to work tomorrow !!

Take a pride in yourself as a starter mate, you have got to look after yourself first and foremost for everything else to slot into place.
I understand things are really tough for you but let this be the point where you say to yourself 'It's time to fight back'
You get to work on yourself tomorrow, make small positive changes to your life and build on them things can and will get better.
When I was 29 my first missus left me and I honestly thought it was the end of my world and sank into a depression, months later I sorted myself out and made some tweaks to the way I lived my life. I asked out a girl from work and we've now been together for 32 years so things can change for the better.
Keep posting mate and let us know how you are doing good luck.

 

[Spotty]

I'm in the West Midlands mate.

My Mum died on the 7th January, yes a few years back now to be fair, but I have never recovered, then my Arl Fella died after I cared for him full time, life can be just shoite !!
Then the Wife left me for another bloke, whilst I was at football, she left a note,
I haven't ever recovered, I am currently sleeping on my best mate's couch !!

Brendon I'm sorry you're going through a terrible time.

@Brendan Janus I’m so sorry for the position you find yourself in. Every year I check this thread around this time and it breaks my heart even more to see people feeling lonely and depressed at this time of year.

I can’t offer anything more useful and meaningful than the contributors that have gone before me, but I do want to pick up on something you said and that’s your (very understandable) desire to be cared for.

Unfortunately, as an adult, our siblings, friends etc tend to have some all-consuming stuff going on in their lives and, quite frankly, if we don’t work to stay on their radar then we can find ourselves off it regardless of how much love they have for us. You sound like you’re very overwhelmed and so I’m not going to suggest that any steps you need to take are “easy” but at this stage the only choices require hard work of some kind.

A straightforward step might be to use the calendar/reminder function on your phone to schedule weekly/fortnightly messages or calls to your small circle. Maybe send the first message and explain that you miss regular contact with them and this is the first step in addressing that from your end.

You should also concentrate on what it is you’re asking people to care for. What aspects of yourself do you think you could be proud of, albeit with a little TLC? Love and care shouldn’t require a quid pro quo, but sometimes people might need to be reminded of what it is they love about you and want to help care for, in order to re establish what you once had. It’d be hard for them to do that if you have such a negative opinion of yourself overall. Again it’s easier said than done so focus on some really small things.

You’re a £40m GOT poster who got there without being a WUM, so I couldn’t be more convinced that you’ve a lot of really good qualities!!

I’m on the wind down for Chrimbo now, work wise, so I’ll have a bit more time on here in the coming couple of weeks. If you ever want to drop a PM even just to chat nonsense, then please do. I already care enough about you to want to stop you coming to any harm if I can, so please let that help you understand that there’s enough love and care out there for you if you can just put in a few of the hard yards required to get it.

I wish you the very best mate, and I look forward to what I know will be some positive updates from you in the future.

Wonderfully supportive post this Brett, well said fella

 

[Spotty]

Brendon you have a lot going on buddy. I have enclosed a link for bereavement which you may find useful. If you've got time please take a look, it's written in plain English so we can all understand. Your prime concern is I suggest, whether your mental health deteriorates further, and what to do if it does. There is information I give for people who think it's all too much for them so if you'd like to DM me I will be supportive as possible. There are lots of kind caring people on here giving very good advice. I tend to " go back to basics " when things are unravelling. In this order, Mental Health - always priority / housing - what do I need to do to secure a roof over my head and have I started the process / Finances - if your not working am I getting the benefits I am entitled to - go to web site Turn2Us, there is an excellent simple to use Benefits Calculator. Lastly Brendon, anyone who has been through what you have been through would find themselves struggling. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Little steps fella, the above are just a few issues that if addressed, may make your life a little more bareble. Take care fella, all the best.

https://www.mind.org.uk/search-results/?q=Bereavment#stq=bereavement&stp=1

 

[Spadge Vernacular]

I'm in the West Midlands mate.

My Mum died on the 7th January, yes a few years back now to be fair, but I have never recovered, then my Arl Fella died after I cared for him full time, life can be just shoite !!
Then the Wife left me for another bloke, whilst I was at football, she left a note,
I haven't ever recovered, I am currently sleeping on my best mate's couch !!

Have a big hug from us all mate.

Your GOT family are here for you xxx

 

[Brendan Janus]

Have a big hug from us all mate.

Your GOT family are here for you xxx

Thank you !!

 

[Spadge Vernacular]

Thank you !!

My arl fella passing was very difficult but when my mum followed I felt like a stranger in a world. Took me a while to come to terms with thisngs but I did and as a people we do. Nothing we go though hasn't happened millions of times before and will for others to. One day soon, you'll look back on this situation and be happy with how far you have gone from this point and the happiness that you will find will make these feelings seem like a dream. Keep going mate, you'll get to happiness soon enough.

If ever you want a chat and can cope with my nonsense just let me know.

 

[Brendan Janus]

My arl fella passing was very difficult but when my mum followed I felt like a stranger in a world. Took me a while to come to terms with thisngs but I did and as a people we do. Nothing we go though hasn't happened millions of times before and will for others to. One day soon, you'll look back on this situation and be happy with how far you have gone from this point and the happiness that you will find will make these feelings seem like a dream. Keep going mate, you'll get to happiness soon enough.

If ever you want a chat and can cope with my nonsense just let me know.

Thank you !!

 

[Billy Dean]

My arl fella passing was very difficult but when my mum followed I felt like a stranger in a world. Took me a while to come to terms with thisngs but I did and as a people we do. Nothing we go though hasn't happened millions of times before and will for others to. One day soon, you'll look back on this situation and be happy with how far you have gone from this point and the happiness that you will find will make these feelings seem like a dream. Keep going mate, you'll get to happiness soon enough.

If ever you want a chat and can cope with my nonsense just let me know.

I agree @Brendan Janus you're not alone in the things that you're going through right now and things will get better. All the best mate and keep posting.

 

[Oasis1878]

Life’s a bit of a mess atm, being left in the lurch as my gf told me today she “needs a break”. Whatever that means. So I’m now spending Christmas alone. Tomorrows also 11 years since my dad committed suicide too, completely out of the blue. Best mate and massive Evertonian. Brave face needed for work tomorrow…!

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Life’s a bit of a mess atm, being left in the lurch as my gf told me today she “needs a break”. Whatever that means. So I’m now spending Christmas alone. Tomorrows also 11 years since my dad committed suicide too, completely out of the blue. Best mate and massive Evertonian. Brave face needed for work tomorrow…!

Ah mate, that's a bit of a crap hand to deal with. Sorry to hear about your Dad.

 

[Oasis1878]

Ah mate, that's a bit of a crap hand to deal with. Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Thanks mate. Not sure what the post was for, just felt like I needed to get it out

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Thanks mate. Not sure what the post was for, just felt like I needed to get it out

That's what's needed sometimes. Getting it out by writing it here might just help rather than bottling it up.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

Life’s a bit of a mess atm, being left in the lurch as my gf told me today she “needs a break”. Whatever that means. So I’m now spending Christmas alone. Tomorrows also 11 years since my dad committed suicide too, completely out of the blue. Best mate and massive Evertonian. Brave face needed for work tomorrow…!

Sorry to hear mate, do you and your missus live together ? Sometimes people react differently and may feel trapped / need some space even if its solely to deal with their own issues.

Might be worth having a talk but also giving her some space.

Sorry to hear about your dad pal, could never imagine having to deal with Something like that. Dont feel like you're taking on everything alone some good lads in here and no doubt be those in your own circle who will want whats best for you x

 

[Spadge Vernacular]

Life’s a bit of a mess atm, being left in the lurch as my gf told me today she “needs a break”. Whatever that means. So I’m now spending Christmas alone. Tomorrows also 11 years since my dad committed suicide too, completely out of the blue. Best mate and massive Evertonian. Brave face needed for work tomorrow…!

Sorry to hear this mate. @Joey66 would tell you better than I that todays poo is tomorrows fertiliser. That probably sounds like nonsense but the situation you are facing will 100% help you grow as a person. You will move forward.

I'd suggest tou can walk into any pub over Christmas and make new friends. Same with just going for a walk in a local park. My cousin found himself 'alone' one Christmas and so volunteered at a local charity. That was 15 years ago now and it is a regular part of his life. He is always telling me that I am missing the point of Christmas!

Christmas is what you make it and even if you just decide to buy a few beers and chat to your GOT family I'm sure you will have a great time - as long as you avoid the manager threads ?

 

[Oasis1878]

Sorry to hear mate, do you and your missus live together ? Sometimes people react differently and may feel trapped / need some space even if its solely to deal with their own issues.

Might be worth having a talk but also giving her some space.

Sorry to hear about your dad pal, could never imagine having to deal with Something like that. Dont feel like you're taking on everything alone some good lads in here and no doubt be those in your own circle who will want whats best for you x

Yes bud, she’s off to a parents house a few hours away for Christmas so it’s not like I’ll be homeless I’ve just been uninvited now. Appreciate it x