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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Spotty said:
" You'd change if you could...", This. We all have them, all of us. It's a good character trait because your reflecting on what could have been, what you would have done differently. Especially if you've hurt someone. Your admonishing yourself. If you didn't think and reflect on your actions, I'd be a little concerned. Do you REALLY want to get to a point in your life where you don't even think about what you've done. You don't care.

Whilst it can be damaging to continuously " beat ourselves up " - figuratively speaking - we all need to have checks and balances. I try to learn from my past, not always successfully, but I hope I can use it as a learning curve. It's a perfectly natural thing to do, to reminisce and reflect, but be mindfull of not fixating on them.
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That's exactly it.

My trouble is at the minute I'm definitely fixating on them and almost letting them define me.

I know it's not healthy but difficult to break the negativity cycle once it kicks in fully.
 
jackyboy said:
Anyone else have trouble with focussing on past mistakes?

No matter how many years ago and when you haven't thought about them in years. Found myself doing it recently and then just wallowing in self pity which then makes you feel worse.

So frustrating.
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I used to have terrible issues with doing that friend. Would get depressed on why I chose to graduate with one major versus another, should have never broken up with a certain woman, etc. Bogged me down for years until one day I came to the realization that I was not Doc Brown with access to a De Lorean so I needed to man up, let the past be the past, and make a better future for myself in the short and long term.

Only have one life to live and I try my best to live it to the fullest.

Coping skills helped me also to occupy myself:Going hiking, reading good books video gaming, etc. 👍

Hope gets better for ya.
 
A heartbreaking and truly inspiring interview with Dele Ali on the overlap, I hope this is used to help people going through mental health torture at the moment with things they are suppressing ans bottling up, well done Dele and well done Everton , let’s hope dele finds himself in a better state mentally to do what he enjoys the most
 

COYBL25 said:
They`re only unpleasant, in that it`s stuff that you`d rather not think about and in the main had forgotten about.

Nothing really bad, just stuff that you`ve done and said in the past, that you`d change if you could turn the clock back.

It`s a really weird one, as these thoughts only seem to come just before sleep.

They`re also more prevalent if I go to bed with things on my mind.

The radio on low, definitely helps though.
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Can you remember the thoughts the next day? It really helped me sitting with a pen and notebook and writing them down and writing down how I feel about the events. That way I have consciously dealt with them and resolved some tension.
 
malacker94 said:
Can you remember the thoughts the next day? It really helped me sitting with a pen and notebook and writing them down and writing down how I feel about the events. That way I have consciously dealt with them and resolved some tension.
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I can never remember them the following day, although sometimes I wake up with a terrible sense of dread / foreboding, which I assume is the leftovers of these thoughts whilst asleep - this feeling of dread, always goes after I`ve been running.

I`ve suffered anxiety problems for the best part of twenty years now mate, so I`ve become quite adept at managing any problems that arise - diet, exercise, removing trigger, drinking in extreme moderation etc.
 

Baggzio said:
So, this has been something I've been acutely aware for a few months now and I knew that it was coming up to over 7 years since I wrote this, which is basically the only written account I have of what I was like as a 19 year old with a litanny of issues and general lack of any joy in my life, which honestly lads is a bit mad to think how long ago it was. Genuinely has felt like a lifetime and I mean that in the absolute most positive way, simply because in that place and in that mindset the thought of me lasting a "lifetime" was absolutely not in my plans or not something I thought I'd ever achieve. As you'll be able to tell in my previous posts, things were quite bad and honestly worse than I even originally let on but in this point of my life there's absolutely no need to dwell on it.

The first time I addressed the "anniversary" for this I wanted to do it because I was proud, I knew I had a road ahead but I was on the right track. I now sit here as a 26 year old man, in my own apartment as a 1.1 college graduate Software Engineer who's looking forward to heading into work tomorrow for an unreal company that I've worked at for nearly 2 years now. I don't say that as a brag at all and I say this because I want every young lad who might've been around my age and perhaps going through their own issues or troubles to see a real world case, that's even documented on here, of someone being able to tell you "it absolutely gets better", I'm really hoping that at least one person on here can see this and at the very least take some semblence of hope from it, sometimes that's all you need.

I won't lie and say I don't have some bad days anymore because I do but it's a very rare occasion now and I know as a fully formed adult it's simply a mental configuration of my brain, it's not because I'm bad, messed up or anything like that, it's a totally normal thing and there's no reason to be ashamed of it, like I and many others were in the past. Do not be afraid to reach out to people or seek professional help because it may slowly change your life for the absolute better.

I go into work now every day and am able to do my job well, be a very valued and skilled member of a team and I'm actually known as an incredibly social and outgoing person there, something that my 22 year old self would've found hard to believe and something my 19 year old self would've outright said was impossible. Well it isn't. I said in the update that I'm a totally different person at 22 than I was at 19, well that goes again for me now at 26. Just know for however bad things are now currently, for whatever problems that you may be going through, there are always options and help available, please make use of them. At 19 I thought my life was basically over and frankly I couldn't wait, now I legitimately sometimes think of what my life will be like in retirement, I legitimately look forward to another 50 years, where before literally a week would've been a lot.

I keep repeating but it is important, please do seek out help if you are having difficulties, be it on here, to your friends and family or professionally. If there's anyone who think they were in my position or if they think I might be able to help then I'll happily try to answer anything you might ask either in a reply here or private message, again don't be afraid to reach out. As much as I want to tell you all that you'll live a perfect life, that would be a lie but it will absolutely always get better with help, no doubt in my mind, and sometimes better is good enough, you just have to keep getting better and you will.

I must say this forum was a fantastic resource for me through the years, I only have like 3 or 4 posts in this thread myself but it was genuinely an incredible help to just come back and look at these messages and all that to see the growth and difference in life, sometimes incremental growth can be very hard to see from your own perspective so even something like this for me was a huge help, and I must say the positive messages I had gotten on the posts was also great, honestly just looking back at the time and seeing people who were nothing but nice and helpful to me, even if I was a bit of a annoying poster on other forum posts ( I think I've gotten a bit better, at least I hope lol )

As much of a fan I am of the club, it genuinely does bring me immense joy to know that legitimately one of the only "bad" things in my life now is Everton. I cannot complain about much else, thankfully. Let's hope that one sorts it self out and it's not another 7 year journey for me.

All in all, for anyone who has stuck around to this part I just want to say thank you, whether you've helped me before, taken something from my posts or even just had a nice chat with me about the blues over the years, I cannot express with words how much I appreciate it. COYB!
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Absolutely brilliant post. Well happy for you. Your message will be good for others to read. X
 
jackyboy said:
Anyone else have trouble with focussing on past mistakes?

No matter how many years ago and when you haven't thought about them in years. Found myself doing it recently and then just wallowing in self pity which then makes you feel worse.

So frustrating.
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Not often but yes. I sometimes think about things that happened years ago, even from when I was a teenager, relive the moment and still feel bad/ embarrassed about what I said or did.
 

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