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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

COYBL25 said:
I had recently had a chat with my missus about my bad times and she said that she couldn't have lived with me the way I was indifinately, but her feeling like that tore her up with guilt, as she knew I was ill and wanted to support me. Fortunately we came through it and I think a big part of her hanging round was the kids to be honest . I get the feeling if we wouldn't have had the kids she may have bailed.

That's the thing with mental illness mate, it affects everyone around the sufferer, particularly their nearest and dearest.
From what you've posted there I wouldn't say your relationship is over yet, as it sounds that she may need some time to get her together to decide what she wants to do. What I would say is be repectful to her - don't start going out in the ale and coming in at all hours because your " single " again etc, as she may just want a bit of breathing space. Behaving like a single fella is only going to push her further away. ( hope that didn't sound to preachy as its not meant like that ).
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PREACH BROTHA

Nah, kidding. Doubt she'll want to carry on with me, the discussion was pretty meaningful and she was severely unhappy. She does want to help me get better mentally and that, but really just wants a break from all of -this- and the relationship. We've been together for long enough to know when stuff is wrong and we probably won't both back down, you know? Said she'll come with me to the doctors for moral support at least, which I find is great help to start with.

And about the ale: I stay away from it on principle, ex-addict here. Plus it's ridiculously expensive, because the UK tax laws are stupid, so I'm afraid I can't afford it even if I wanted to.

What's crap is that we got tickets for Bulgaria and all that, and in the end aren't even going together, but that's life; I'll just have to get someone else to take her ticket etc.

I'd say we're both okay with just living as friends and do whatever we want for the foreseeable future...

Thanks anyway, lad. Appreciated.
 
:):)
DualityNSNO said:
PREACH BROTHA

Nah, kidding. Doubt she'll want to carry on with me, the discussion was pretty meaningful and she was severely unhappy. She does want to help me get better mentally and that, but really just wants a break from all of -this- and the relationship. We've been together for long enough to know when stuff is wrong and we probably won't both back down, you know? Said she'll come with me to the doctors for moral support at least, which I find is great help to start with.

And about the ale: I stay away from it on principle, ex-addict here. Plus it's ridiculously expensive, because the UK tax laws are stupid, so I'm afraid I can't afford it even if I wanted to.

What's crap is that we got tickets for Bulgaria and all that, and in the end aren't even going together, but that's life; I'll just have to get someone else to take her ticket etc.

I'd say we're both okay with just living as friends and do whatever we want for the foreseeable future...

Thanks anyway, lad. Appreciated.
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Keep posting mate.
 
DualityNSNO said:
So, uhm. Not sure why I don't feel as bad as I probably should about this, but here goes.

So the last few days my gf was being distant, and I felt super bad about that as well as I thought I'd driven her away. This morning we sat down and talked and it turned out we were both unhappy - me because I've got my mental problems and I'm generally unhappy (especially with her being distant lately) and her with how *we* were lately. We ended up breaking up, sort of mutual agreement, as it just wasn't there, as cliched as it is - the spark wasn't the same anymore.

We obviously still love each other and will remain friends (plus we live in the same flat ffs, thank [Poor language removed] we have spare rooms!) for the foreseeable future, but I suppose that's one thing sort of more clear than before...

As I said I'm unsure how exactly I feel about this as I'm currently sleep deprived as well, so I'll probably update here soon anyway.

On the bright side, at least now I'm only left with the 99 problems... lol
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I genuinely felt relieved for you when you said it was a mutual agreement and you're still friends. I feel this is so important. You now understand that you won't be negatively impacting on her life anymore and you also know that you didn't drive her away. Remaining friends is fantastic and you also know that she cares enough to be with you at the doctors, initially at least.

You can get to work on the other 99 issues now with one less worry.
 
DualityNSNO said:
I still feel poo, but in general I think Imma be aaaaaight. I hope. Knowing how my mood tends to swing from feeling extremely decent to feeling suicidal I won't bet on me being like this.
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well I hope it's a decent feeling today. got my brothers funeral today, he lost his battle with his demons so fight harder than he did please. I will be thinking of you all.
 

Been a bad couple of days, lads. Really bad. I've been at work, but my mask is slipping more and more each day. I'm not sleeping and, although my parents, my friends, you guys and the general support system around me has been amazing...I'm just rock bottom.

I miss my family. I miss my life.

I miss her voice and her smiles and I missing cooking for her on a night. I miss watching programmes together and laughing at silly things. I miss so many little things that, wherever I look, I think of her.

When it gets to the end of the work day and the kids go home, my heart aches. I know I am not going back to see my family. I know I'm slinking off to a makeshift room, set up for me in haste. I'm living out of suitcases and carrier bags. I'm in my thirties and I've got nothing all over again.

I miss her so much.
 
Durham Toffee said:
Been a bad couple of days, lads. Really bad. I've been at work, but my mask is slipping more and more each day. I'm not sleeping and, although my parents, my friends, you guys and the general support system around me has been amazing...I'm just rock bottom.

I miss my family. I miss my life.

I miss her voice and her smiles and I missing cooking for her on a night. I miss watching programmes together and laughing at silly things. I miss so many little things that, wherever I look, I think of her.

When it gets to the end of the work day and the kids go home, my heart aches. I know I am not going back to see my family. I know I'm slinking off to a makeshift room, set up for me in haste. I'm living out of suitcases and carrier bags. I'm in my thirties and I've got nothing all over again.

I miss her so much.
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Mate I think it's time for professional help - counselling. Won't bring her back, but will help you understand things and teach you coping mechanisms. I truly hope that doesn't sound preachy as its not meant to be.

You talk about a " mask ". I used to call it my "act ". When I was really bad I used to sit in the car chain smoking, psyching myself up to go into work and put my " act " on. The thing is you can't do it indefinitely as the pressure of doing it on top of everything else will eventually prove too much.
 

COYBL25 said:
Mate I think it's time for professional help - counselling. Won't bring her back, but will help you understand things and teach you coping mechanisms. I truly hope that doesn't sound preachy as its not meant to be.

You talk about a " mask ". I used to call it my "act ". When I was really bad I used to sit in the car chain smoking, psyching myself up to go into work and put my " act " on. The thing is you can't do it indefinitely as the pressure of doing it on top of everything else will eventually prove too much.
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Well said once again.
Time to go and speak with someone you will feel comfortable with @Durham Toffee
 
wbn61 said:
well it went well. what a turn out. shows no matter how you [Poor language removed] your life up people remember you fondly. nearly all knew the problems he had but that was irrelevant they just wanted to respect him.
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Glad to hear it went well my friend, not talking about your brother specifically, but isn't it a shame that sometimes people are only appreciated after they're gone.

We should all take time to tell people around us how much they mean to us - might save someone's life.
 

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