Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[BiggyRat]

well it went well. what a turn out. shows no matter how you [Poor language removed] your life up people remember you fondly. nearly all knew the problems he had but that was irrelevant they just wanted to respect him.

It just goes to show how far we've come as a community/society IMHO. People are now accepting of the fact that there is more to the story than the final act itself.

I'm glad for you & your family, and I hope that somewhere, your Brother knows how much you & his friends cared about him.

RIP mate.

 

[kithnou]

well it went well. what a turn out. shows no matter how you [Poor language removed] your life up people remember you fondly. nearly all knew the problems he had but that was irrelevant they just wanted to respect him.

Great to hear my man. A difficult day for you and all I am sure but great to hear of the level of respect shown.

 

[BiggyRat]

Been a bad couple of days, lads. Really bad. I've been at work, but my mask is slipping more and more each day. I'm not sleeping and, although my parents, my friends, you guys and the general support system around me has been amazing...I'm just rock bottom.

I miss my family. I miss my life.

I miss her voice and her smiles and I missing cooking for her on a night. I miss watching programmes together and laughing at silly things. I miss so many little things that, wherever I look, I think of her.

When it gets to the end of the work day and the kids go home, my heart aches. I know I am not going back to see my family. I know I'm slinking off to a makeshift room, set up for me in haste. I'm living out of suitcases and carrier bags. I'm in my thirties and I've got nothing all over again.

I miss her so much.

Obviously, I don't know the full extent of your situation but it's obvious how you feel. I imagine that getting the family back together would be just one of your goals but, perhaps, the highest for you. With that in mind, I think that it should be one of the last goals you try to fix though.

The reason I say this is because you need to think of how your other problems contributed to the family matter and get those under control first. If you can get them sorted & show real improvement, you will be in a better place to start the healing process with your partner. Something like "These other issues are under control, I've sorted things out so how about we have another go?"

Clearly, I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I'm sure you get my meaning.

 

[Minimeister]

Probably not the right place for a rant but had a few beers and reading this thread just makes me more angry at the injustice. I've worked in the NHS for a good few years now. I'm one of these management types who if you believe the press you could got rid of me and let doctors run the NHS. haha good luck with that, because believe me they can't manage themselves never mind public money. Anyway that's not the point. For the last few years I've worked for a mental health trust. I've heard for the last few years that spending in Mental Health has gone up considerably. Well if you're in service and you're wondering why the service is not better seen as the Tories are telling you they're increasing spend, the truth is it's a load of lies. They're certainly spending more but they're giving all the money to the local Acute Trusts to spend and not their poor relations in the Mental Health Trusts who will be looking after your mums when they have dementia or the people in here who need support. So in effect I know our Trust hasn't seen a penny of that so called increase. I know there's only so much money to go around and I know not everything can be adequately funded but don't tell lies about caring about people with Mental Health issues when it's complete bullcrap.

 

[BiggyRat]

Probably not the right place for a rant but had a few beers and reading this thread just makes me more angry at the injustice. I've worked in the NHS for a good few years now. I'm one of these management types who if you believe the press you could got rid of me and let doctors run the NHS. haha good luck with that, because believe me they can't manage themselves never mind public money. Anyway that's not the point. For the last few years I've worked for a mental health trust. I've heard for the last few years that spending in Mental Health has gone up considerably. Well if you're in service and you're wondering why the service is not better seen as the Tories are telling you they're increasing spend, the truth is it's a load of lies. They're certainly spending more but they're giving all the money to the local Acute Trusts to spend and not their poor relations in the Mental Health Trusts who will be looking after your mums when they have dementia or the people in here who need support. So in effect I know our Trust hasn't seen a penny of that so called increase. I know there's only so much money to go around and I know not everything can be adequately funded but don't tell lies about caring about people with Mental Health issues when it's complete bullcrap.

Interesting to hear that...rant away!

I recall that when my Airline collapsed the State Premier allocated $20 million to "help" the State based workers. I decided I'd have a piece of that, so I started making calls to Departments and they didn't know. They recommended I call elsewhere, which I did, and they didn't know about it either. It took almost a week, but eventually someone found out & got back to me...it was to help me write my resume'!

Politicians!

 

[DualityNSNO]

Righto, I am an absolute shitstain and hate myself.

But also this made me sad for many reasons.

So I was gonna do some maths here, exams soon, and I already feel bad enough - went into my old room (which I left for my, well now-ex, call her "R" for convenience here) cuz all of the studying things are there and picked up some notebooks and all that. Found the one I wanted, no problems. Just now I saw I'd picked up one that I hadn't seen in ages by accident and just opened to a random page to see what it was - literally love letters from R to a guy she met and talked to online. They were discussing their relationship and how much they love each other (or at least she was) for the last god knows how long, if this went on to physical writing. Small wonder I felt ignored and she hid away a bit recently, and apparently he's gonna be coming over to the UK this summer too, while I'm gone back home.

Now obviously, I feel ridiculously bad about this, but do I confront/ask her about this or not is the question on my mind? I really don't know what to do, and in these situations I usually go for a drink or 10, but even that's not available.

 

[DualityNSNO]

And this on a day that Everton are poo as well ffs.

 

[kithnou]

Righto, I am an absolute shitstain and hate myself.

But also this made me sad for many reasons.

So I was gonna do some maths here, exams soon, and I already feel bad enough - went into my old room (which I left for my, well now-ex, call her "R" for convenience here) cuz all of the studying things are there and picked up some notebooks and all that. Found the one I wanted, no problems. Just now I saw I'd picked up one that I hadn't seen in ages by accident and just opened to a random page to see what it was - literally love letters from R to a guy she met and talked to online. They were discussing their relationship and how much they love each other (or at least she was) for the last god knows how long, if this went on to physical writing. Small wonder I felt ignored and she hid away a bit recently, and apparently he's gonna be coming over to the UK this summer too, while I'm gone back home.

Now obviously, I feel ridiculously bad about this, but do I confront/ask her about this or not is the question on my mind? I really don't know what to do, and in these situations I usually go for a drink or 10, but even that's not available.

Mate, the reality is it was always a possibility. Lets be honest here.
If I were you I would ignore them. It won't lead you to any good to create a confrontation over the letters. Let things just work themselves out. And don't go and get drunk and then do something silly.

 

[kithnou]

And this on a day that Everton are poo as well ffs.

Yes, well...

 

[DualityNSNO]

Mate, the reality is it was always a possibility. Lets be honest here.
If I were you I would ignore them. It won't lead you to any good to create a confrontation over the letters. Let things just work themselves out. And don't go and get drunk and then do something silly.

Also I know who the person is.

Also it has probably been going on for quite a long time, while we were together, which literally means she wanted to end it so that I don't get in the way, and that while she was theoretically still with me, she was practically with him. Brilliant.

 

[kithnou]

Also I know who the person is.

Also it has probably been going on for quite a long time, while we were together, which literally means she wanted to end it so that I don't get in the way, and that while she was theoretically still with me, she was practically with him. Brilliant.

It sucks. No doubt. But your priority right now is not her. Take some time to cool down.

 

[COYBL25]

Righto, I am an absolute shitstain and hate myself.

But also this made me sad for many reasons.

So I was gonna do some maths here, exams soon, and I already feel bad enough - went into my old room (which I left for my, well now-ex, call her "R" for convenience here) cuz all of the studying things are there and picked up some notebooks and all that. Found the one I wanted, no problems. Just now I saw I'd picked up one that I hadn't seen in ages by accident and just opened to a random page to see what it was - literally love letters from R to a guy she met and talked to online. They were discussing their relationship and how much they love each other (or at least she was) for the last god knows how long, if this went on to physical writing. Small wonder I felt ignored and she hid away a bit recently, and apparently he's gonna be coming over to the UK this summer too, while I'm gone back home.

Now obviously, I feel ridiculously bad about this, but do I confront/ask her about this or not is the question on my mind? I really don't know what to do, and in these situations I usually go for a drink or 10, but even that's not available.

All I can say to you mate is walk away, don't make a bad situation worse. Don't let anger and bitterness cloud your judgement as that's when people do daft things. I've been betrayed and I know how it feels, but my advice to you is to remove yourself from the situation, even if it's temporarily - go to a mates etc, just for a bit of breathing space .

 

[kithnou]

All I can say to you mate is walk away, don't make a bad situation worse. Don't let anger and bitterness cloud your judgement as that's when people do daft things. I've been betrayed and I know how it feels, but my advice to you is to remove yourself from the situation, even if it's temporarily - go to a mates etc, just for a bit of breathing space .

well said

 

[DualityNSNO]

All I can say to you mate is walk away, don't make a bad situation worse. Don't let anger and bitterness cloud your judgement as that's when people do daft things. I've been betrayed and I know how it feels, but my advice to you is to remove yourself from the situation, even if it's temporarily - go to a mates etc, just for a bit of breathing space .

Solid advice here, thanks, but I have no mates to go to or anything here, so I'm a bit stranded, in a sense. A friend of mine is coming over in a few days for a few days, so I guess that's good, but other than that - poops.

 

[BiggyRat]

Solid advice here, thanks, but I have no mates to go to or anything here, so I'm a bit stranded, in a sense. A friend of mine is coming over in a few days for a few days, so I guess that's good, but other than that - poops.

You've got GoT...

Anyway, lots of solid, quality responses so you don't need anything from me. I can be a vindictive git at times though, I memorised the ba$tard that I collided with when I first started driving & he played the "immigrant" card & put me right in to the Police when, at best, it was a 50/50! Lost my licence for 6 months over a collision where there were no injuries...except Mrs. "Poor me" who claimed everything from a sore leg to a bad back!

Anyway, I digress... Put them away somewhere in case anything nasty happens, but write a date on them for destruction. If you rid her from your life & move on, so can they. If there's any "issues" that arise from your break up...I'm thinking property matters...then they could come in handy.

If it all settles without any further nastiness, then you can get rid of them. Even hand them back to them both..."Oh, I believe these are yours..."

Okay...maybe ignore all the above...