Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Prevenger17]

(Sorry for how long this ended up being)

I've just spent a half hour reading through this thread to see what I've missed and I'd like to just say something which I hope will inspire people into a different way of thinking.

I'm a 24 year old man with not much experience at being an adult after a strange period of my life where I was in a coma for 3 years from my 18th birthday until I was 21. It's a really strange experience for 3 years of your life to pass you by, at such an important time where I was right in the middle of doing my a levels. My girlfriend (now wife) had stuck by me for the whole 3 years and I have the utmost respect for her as an 18 year old girl to come and see me once a week for the whole 3 years and 4 months, missing just a few weeks. Through those 3 years I missed my niece being born and the deterioration and death of 2 of my grandparents as well as a family dog who I had grown up with and loved very much.

When I 'woke up' it was a strange sensation as I remembered the last things that had happened in my life like they had just happened, but then to be told it was 2012 and I'd missed 3 years of my life; it took months to get over. 3 really important people in my life before my accident had died, I had a niece that was almost 3 who didn't have a clue who her uncle Andy was, and due to timing I had missed out on all of my qualifications.

Needless to say when being told the story by my close friends and family of how my then girlfriend had acted to come into the hospital, read to me, change my clothes, style my hair and even play my favourite songs in my ears through headphones, I took some inheritance from grandparents and bought an engagement ring, took her to Paris and proposed.

When I was ready I went to Liverpool College and did a Journalism BTEC for 2 years which then was followed a NCTJ course which led me to my job that I have now as a researcher for the Liverpool ECHO.

People in this thread have been up to date with the story of my wife having a miscarriage and after the ordeal I had been through and how that had affected me it made it feel as if the 3 years of hard work I had done to get myself back to where I had been as a person and had made some progress into my life in terms of work, qualifications and getting married. When my wife, Kayleigh, had the miscarriage we were both devastated as we felt ready to start our family, she'd given up her modelling career after getting pregnant and it all got to her. She went into a deep deep depression and we resolved the situation by both going to individual therapy sessions and we got the advice to try again, which we did and due to a seemingly high fertility in one or both of us, Kayleigh was pregnant again and although it was a very quick and painful process, it blew over very quickly and we moved on.

The thing I really want people to take from this post is that no matter how dark your situation or even if you are a lifeless lump of bones for three years, you have people there for you. You might not even know them yet, you might have known them your whole life, but you need to trust those people with the responsibility of making you happy again, making you yourself again, because they care for you and love you so much that that is their priority; to see you happy. This ranges from family to friends to your GP to everybody on this thread. People can have this unruly quality of making other people feel brilliant, as bad as it seems your own brain wants to make things.

Now I have a son, a wife, a life, a job and most importantly of all, happiness. And it's absolutely brilliant. This post is to try and persuade people to join me where I am now, it's a long and difficult process but with the help of yourself and the help of others, you can do it! Good luck

What an inspirational post, brilliant stuff. Surely there's a book in there somehere !.

Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[Groucho]

What do people think of counselling?

 

[COYBL25]

What do people think of counselling?

A good thing, but works for some and not others.

Definitely helps a person to understand why they are feeling the way they are feeling and that alone can be incredibly helpful. As it helps the person and their family realise / understand that they have an illlnes and it'd somthing that can be treated same as any other illness.

Also helps with coping mechanisms.

Unfortunately it usually takes a while in this country to see a councillor due waiting lists etc.

 

[Robertor]

What do people think of counselling?

I think it's fantastic. I've had it, my mum's had it, my wife's had it and I'm very strong in the view that everybody should have counselling no matter who you are. It really helped me out.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

A good thing, but works for some and not others.

Definitely helps a person to understand why they are feeling the way they are feeling and that alone can be incredibly helpful. As it helps the person and their family realise / understand that they have an illlnes and it'd somthing that can be treated same as any other illness.

Also helps with coping mechanisms.

Unfortunately it usually takes a while in this country to see a councillor due waiting lists etc.

Taken me over three months to get cbt sessions on the nhs. If you can afford between 40-100 quid a session I'd go private. Looking forward to them though weirdly enough.

 

[bizzaro]

Taken me over three months to get cbt sessions on the nhs. If you can afford between 40-100 quid a session I'd go private. Looking forward to them though weirdly enough.

Took me 9 months. Depends on the area.

I personally do think that visiting your GP and medication such as Prozac or similar is very important - as a short term measure (of around 6 - 12 months)

In the event of serious depression that has some specific causes.

In my case CBT was not going to be a panacea. Only getting out of the environment I was in was going to be a long term solution. Prozac was an effective short term medication that was needed. CBT helped me think in a different way.

I did and still do get social anxiety in highly crowded places and particuarly those I do not know. This is hangover from the above. Breathing techniques help.


Ultimately however getting through and fighting off serious chronic depression is an individual thing that the individual needs to find for themselves.

You have to remember that in young people and vulnerable people - that can be emotionally compromised - they may not realise what is happening to them. I personally found Prozac gave me the start to get back on an even keel whilst ultimately removing oneself from a corrosive environment that may be having specific causes.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Took me 9 months. Depends on the area.

I personally do think that visiting your GP and medication such as Prozac or similar is very important - as a short term measure (of around 6 - 12 months)

In the event of serious depression that has some specific causes.

In my case CBT was not going to be a panacea. Only getting out of the environment I was in was going to be a long term solution. Prozac was an effective short term medication that was needed. CBT helped me think in a different way.

I did and still do get social anxiety in highly crowded places and particuarly those I do not know. This is hangover from the above. Breathing techniques help.


Ultimately however getting through and fighting off serious chronic depression is an individual thing that the individual needs to find for themselves.

You have to remember that in young people and vulnerable people - that can be emotionally compromised - they may not realise what is happening to them. I personally found Prozac gave me the start to get back on an even keel whilst ultimately removing oneself from a corrosive environment that may be having specific causes.

9 months is far too long in my opinion. Some people may need help as soon as possible. I'm very cynical about going down the medication route as I'm scared about becoming dependent on something and think I believe in tackling the cause not the symptoms. I also think there's a lot of social stigma attached to it that's probably influenced that decision and it obviously works for many people. I've got a friend who was prescribed anti-depressants after a break-up and I couldn't help feeling that it was simply numbing feelings that are perfectly normal to feel although she did say she was struggling to operate day to day.
I hope you don't mind me asking if you felt the same way before taking Prozac and were you given a timeline for coming off it?

 

[bizzaro]

9 months is far too long in my opinion. Some people may need help as soon as possible. I'm very cynical about going down the medication route as I'm scared about becoming dependent on something and think I believe in tackling the cause not the symptoms. I also think there's a lot of social stigma attached to it that's probably influenced that decision and it obviously works for many people. I've got a friend who was prescribed anti-depressants after a break-up and I couldn't help feeling that it was simply numbing feelings that are perfectly normal to feel although she did say she was struggling to operate day to day.
I hope you don't mind me asking if you felt the same way before taking Prozac and were you given a timeline for coming off it?

We are talking about degrees of severity. Obviously someone who is suicidal needs urgent medical treatment.


Prozac does not cause chemical dependence.

I am not talking about simply a break up. In my case there was several specific issues that over a period of 2 - 4 years wore my normal defences down. I now realise that there was no way I could resolve those issues myself. Because
a. I was too young/inexperienced to do so. and
b. the situation that I was in was totally atypical of a normal healthy environment.

I also need to highlight that there are some people/personalities that actually deliberately try and make people look like their going mad for their own agenda/benefit. This technique is called 'gas-lighting'. I was horrendously gaslighted as a young 20-something - which caused my depression. Or in so far as a normal recovery period from a bad experience was interrupted deliberately by malicious people who thrived on exacerbating the situation. I was not the only target of this behaviour.


The notes provided with Prozac indicates that it its (depending on the prescription) typically provided for 6 to 12 months.

Some people may need to be proscribed it for much longer. This is for a medical professional to decide.


The point I make is - its easy to say tackling the cause but when someone has serious depression that is easier said than done.

Someone on Prozac has the symptoms abated significantly in many cases this then gives them the opportunity to address the causes.

We are talking about people with a depressive illness that they will not be able to resolve themselves.

My experience is there was a sharp drop into depression over a period of about 18 months. The climb out of it can take several or more years. Even when you're out of it it is easy to fall back in if you do not take care and be mindful/be experienced in the symptoms.

I would class myself as someone who can be prone to have periodic depression (due to the above period/events described above) however in general I can manage the symptoms myself. As I know what they are. As a young 20-something. I simply did not have the tools to do that.

 

[blue4eva77]

(Sorry for how long this ended up being)

I've just spent a half hour reading through this thread to see what I've missed and I'd like to just say something which I hope will inspire people into a different way of thinking.

I'm a 24 year old man with not much experience at being an adult after a strange period of my life where I was in a coma for 3 years from my 18th birthday until I was 21. It's a really strange experience for 3 years of your life to pass you by, at such an important time where I was right in the middle of doing my a levels. My girlfriend (now wife) had stuck by me for the whole 3 years and I have the utmost respect for her as an 18 year old girl to come and see me once a week for the whole 3 years and 4 months, missing just a few weeks. Through those 3 years I missed my niece being born and the deterioration and death of 2 of my grandparents as well as a family dog who I had grown up with and loved very much.

When I 'woke up' it was a strange sensation as I remembered the last things that had happened in my life like they had just happened, but then to be told it was 2012 and I'd missed 3 years of my life; it took months to get over. 3 really important people in my life before my accident had died, I had a niece that was almost 3 who didn't have a clue who her uncle Andy was, and due to timing I had missed out on all of my qualifications.

Needless to say when being told the story by my close friends and family of how my then girlfriend had acted to come into the hospital, read to me, change my clothes, style my hair and even play my favourite songs in my ears through headphones, I took some inheritance from grandparents and bought an engagement ring, took her to Paris and proposed.

When I was ready I went to Liverpool College and did a Journalism BTEC for 2 years which then was followed a NCTJ course which led me to my job that I have now as a researcher for the Liverpool ECHO.

People in this thread have been up to date with the story of my wife having a miscarriage and after the ordeal I had been through and how that had affected me it made it feel as if the 3 years of hard work I had done to get myself back to where I had been as a person and had made some progress into my life in terms of work, qualifications and getting married. When my wife, Kayleigh, had the miscarriage we were both devastated as we felt ready to start our family, she'd given up her modelling career after getting pregnant and it all got to her. She went into a deep deep depression and we resolved the situation by both going to individual therapy sessions and we got the advice to try again, which we did and due to a seemingly high fertility in one or both of us, Kayleigh was pregnant again and although it was a very quick and painful process, it blew over very quickly and we moved on.

The thing I really want people to take from this post is that no matter how dark your situation or even if you are a lifeless lump of bones for three years, you have people there for you. You might not even know them yet, you might have known them your whole life, but you need to trust those people with the responsibility of making you happy again, making you yourself again, because they care for you and love you so much that that is their priority; to see you happy. This ranges from family to friends to your GP to everybody on this thread. People can have this unruly quality of making other people feel brilliant, as bad as it seems your own brain wants to make things.

Now I have a son, a wife, a life, a job and most importantly of all, happiness. And it's absolutely brilliant. This post is to try and persuade people to join me where I am now, it's a long and difficult process but with the help of yourself and the help of others, you can do it! Good luck

First class. One of the best posts i've read on this forum !

An inspirational post if i ever saw one.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Thanks for replying. I'm going to look into gas-lighting now. Very interesting.

 

[BiggyRat]

I also need to highlight that there are some people/personalities that actually deliberately try and make people look like their going mad for their own agenda/benefit. This technique is called 'gas-lighting'. I was horrendously gaslighted as a young 20-something - which caused my depression. Or in so far as a normal recovery period from a bad experience was interrupted deliberately by malicious people who thrived on exacerbating the situation. I was not the only target of this behaviour.

This is currently happening to me now. I'd never heard of it up until 3 weeks ago, but the chap I'm seeing pointed it out to me. I guess as an 'almost 50 something' bloke, I have enough resilience to weather the storm more than a 20 something...(no disrespect intended but overall life experience has got to count for something)...and am able to bite back occasionally. It won't help or fix my problem but, knowing it for what it is will allow me to avoid any associated pitfalls.

 

[bizzaro]

This is currently happening to me now. I'd never heard of it up until 3 weeks ago, but the chap I'm seeing pointed it out to me. I guess as an 'almost 50 something' bloke, I have enough resilience to weather the storm more than a 20 something...(no disrespect intended but overall life experience has got to count for something)...and am able to bite back occasionally. It won't help or fix my problem but, knowing it for what it is will allow me to avoid any associated pitfalls.

Gas-lighting is a subtle form of manipulation that ANYONE can fall victim too.

A low level of gas-lighting may be quite normal.

However, in the extreme sometimes it can be used in order to deliberately push people into what looks like (publicly) serious mental illness.

I would say to look at what is going on with someone you can really trust (this may not necessarily be a friend or family member) but a medical/psychiatric professional who is professionally and legally independent.

What the gas-lighter (who is projecting onto you) first tries to do is unbalance the target (you). This is subtle to begin with but grows gradually. The target doubts themselves entirely at the end and when challenged denial/deflection is the main ways the gas-lighter attempts to get out of what they have been apparently caught doing.

Trivialisation and minimisation (of impact) are also favoured tactics as part of deflection.

Its all about perception.


As a 20 something I had no idea about this. But damaged personalities do exist. Gas-lighting is frequently employed to extreme levels by people with anti-social personality disorders / sociopathy and similar.

My advice is keep those sort at arms length. Keep any interaction short and professional. But otherwise look after yourself. Do not kid yourself that the gaslighter has any intention of a positive social interaction with you. They only want what they can get.


Gas-lighting can be part of scapegoating. The gaslighter has done something wrong/illegal and use you to deflect attention away from themselves. Or it could be plain jealousy. They have various motivations. In my case it was a combination of both of the above.


As you get older you learn to recognise negative patterns of behaviour and personalities. This is the way to deal with them and maintain a positive approach in your own life.

Above all stay calm. Stay rational. No matter the provocation.

 

[maccavennie]

First class. One of the best posts i've read on this forum !

An inspirational post if i ever saw one.

Got to agree, brilliant post and brought a tear of happiness to my eye it has. I hope it brings a lot of hope and comfort to others @Robertor

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Gas-lighting is a subtle form of manipulation that ANYONE can fall victim too.

A low level of gas-lighting may be quite normal.

However, in the extreme sometimes it can be used in order to deliberately push people into what looks like (publicly) serious mental illness.

I would say to look at what is going on with someone you can really trust (this may not necessarily be a friend or family member) but a medical/psychiatric professional who is professionally and legally independent.

What the gas-lighter (who is projecting onto you) first tries to do is unbalance the target (you). This is subtle to begin with but grows gradually. The target doubts themselves entirely at the end and when challenged denial/deflection is the main ways the gas-lighter attempts to get out of what they have been apparently caught doing.

Trivialisation and minimisation (of impact) are also favoured tactics as part of deflection.

Its all about perception.


As a 20 something I had no idea about this. But damaged personalities do exist. Gas-lighting is frequently employed to extreme levels by people with anti-social personality disorders / sociopathy and similar.

My advice is keep those sort at arms length. Keep any interaction short and professional. But otherwise look after yourself. Do not kid yourself that the gaslighter has any intention of a positive social interaction with you. They only want what they can get.


Gas-lighting can be part of scapegoating. The gaslighter has done something wrong/illegal and use you to deflect attention away from themselves. Or it could be plain jealousy. They have various motivations. In my case it was a combination of both of the above.


As you get older you learn to recognise negative patterns of behaviour and personalities. This is the way to deal with them and maintain a positive approach in your own life.

Above all stay calm. Stay rational. No matter the provocation.

I can totally relate to this but had never heard of it till just now. This helps explain a lot to me. In my last relationship I was taken to the cleaners emotionally. Never experienced anything like it, every insecurity I have about myself was pounced upon. Slowly but surely I felt completely useless and removed from who I was. I've got longstanding issues that have needed to be addressed for some time but I was left feeling incapable of even opening my mouth. Still struggling to make sense of it but I can relate to everything you just said. Great post and great thread.

 

[iamEverton]

Man what a powerful story from that guy that was in a coma for three years. I suffer from depression and have relied an substances like Marijuana to help me cope with the pain. I'd like to think I have a motivational and good story to tell myself, I am 22 still so it's still being written.

I don't have many memories from being a child, but the one that sticks with me the most was New Year's Eve the day beforehand fifth birthday I witnessed my father die of a heart attack. My mom never handled the situation well, emotional eating and spending made life seem ok for sometimes till things spiraled out of control. Eventually she became a hoarder I never got to experience a normal childhood. I was an athletic kid great coordination played lots of sports. Eventually I blew up in high school and became 6'3 315 LBS. That's a lot of kilograms lol. My story gets better. When I was 18 I survived a near fatal car crash where had I not been wearing a seatbelt I wouldn't be typing this today. I had a major life changing revelation after that moment in my life. I began to mature and grow up exponentially. I started the hardest journey of my life an decided it was time to lose this weight and break free from a lot of emotional and physical locks I had on my soul. I was going to end up like my mother fat, miserable, and depressed my whole life, maybe even a virgin too. The first month I was so dedicated I lost 20lbs then another 20. 2 months, and 40lbs down. I still had depression and thought life was magically just going to get better. Long story short I'm now 22 and weigh 220 lbs. It's hasn't been easy, but if it was there wouldn't be any fat people right? Life is an amazing journey for anyone no matte what family or dynasty you're born into. As I mature I loo deeper Into my heritage why Am I here, where did my lineage come from. I am the last male in my tree carrying the Everton name. My fathers Goodison banner still hangs in our basement.

My moral of my story here is that you can do just about anything your mind can conceive. Long or short term stay focused. If you believe you can achieve.


Even though I lost 100 lbs I am not satisfied, I want to reach my full athletic potential while I'm still somewhat young and do what I would've done had my father not passed. That's the root of my depression and it's a giant weight on my shoulders that I know I might carry my whole life.


To be continued.....