Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Mrtallywacker]

Teamwork my man.

That's how we will navigate this life my son, with each other.

 

[Space Cowboy]

The girl I am seeing has recently told me she has had depression and has had suicidal thoughts and it all came out in tears last night. I really felt powerless and just wanted to tell her everything will be alright. I think exam stress has been too much since she's been working to pay her way through a masters and ended up faling a couple of exams due to her depression. I'm trying to get her to talk to a doctor but she seems apprehensive. What can I do to help her out?

 

[The Esk]

The girl I am seeing has recently told me she has had depression and has had suicidal thoughts and it all came out in tears last night. I really felt powerless and just wanted to tell her everything will be alright. I think exam stress has been too much since she's been working to pay her way through a masters and ended up faling a couple of exams due to her depression. I'm trying to get her to talk to a doctor but she seems apprehensive. What can I do to help her out?

Hi mate, first off, getting her to a doctor is obviously the wisest option - it's natural that she should feel apprehensive but ultimately that is where she will receive the proper care, diagnosis and treatment for her condition.

Do you know her family well? Have you spoken to them about whether this has occurred before? What support can they offer? Also her friends and of course, the University she is studying at will have trained individuals to help you and your girlfriend.

I'm guessing she is fairly young, and whilst it is a long time since I was studying it is not unusual for students to get particularly stressed. The good news is that whatever she is studying for now will benefit her later in life and so is worthwhile. Re her suicidal thoughts, (please bear in mind I like everyone else here am not trained), she's clearly in a relationship, she's educated and therefore has a lot to look forward to beyond the current circumstances she finds herself. The fact that she is talking to you is good and I'm sure you're being very helpful just by being there. However professional care and attention is the right way to go.

I'm sure others will offer other thoughts, hope the above is of some use, keep us informed and keep talking to your girlfriend!

Good luck.

 

[Space Cowboy]

Hi mate, first off, getting her to a doctor is obviously the wisest option - it's natural that she should feel apprehensive but ultimately that is where she will receive the proper care, diagnosis and treatment for her condition.

Do you know her family well? Have you spoken to them about whether this has occurred before? What support can they offer? Also her friends and of course, the University she is studying at will have trained individuals to help you and your girlfriend.

I'm guessing she is fairly young, and whilst it is a long time since I was studying it is not unusual for students to get particularly stressed. The good news is that whatever she is studying for now will benefit her later in life and so is worthwhile. Re her suicidal thoughts, (please bear in mind I like everyone else here am not trained), she's clearly in a relationship, she's educated and therefore has a lot to look forward to beyond the current circumstances she finds herself. The fact that she is talking to you is good and I'm sure you're being very helpful just by being there. However professional care and attention is the right way to go.

I'm sure others will offer other thoughts, hope the above is of some use, keep us informed and keep talking to your girlfriend!

Good luck.

Thanks for being so kind.

She's told me it's happened before and had previously seen a doctor and a therapist. Regarding the family I think she feels like they put pressure on her since she's the most intelligent child and the only one to go to uni, I also don't know them. She feels like she can't tell her mum that she failed since she'll be disappointed. I told her that her mum loves her and will understand but I can't actually be sure of that 100% since I dont know the parents (maybe they're knobs).

I personally think the uni will understand her situation and let her retake whatever she needs to since mental health is obviously a serious issue.

I agree that my priority should be to convince her to see a doctor but she can be stubborn. Do you think that just trying to talk to her about it is a good course of action? I want to get her to open up a bit but at the same time can't push her and make it into a huge deal (maybe she'll just get upset).

 

[The Esk]

I agree that my priority should be to convince her to see a doctor but she can be stubborn. Do you think that just trying to talk to her about it is a good course of action? I want to get her to open up a bit but at the same time can't push her and make it into a huge deal (maybe she'll just get upset).

I think getting to the Doctor is the biggest priority, not only for any immediate concerns over suicide but also I'd think it will obviously help in any discussions with the University over retakes.

Just being there for her will help and I'd guess her opening up to you will happen quicker the more she trusts you....

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks for being so kind.

She's told me it's happened before and had previously seen a doctor and a therapist. Regarding the family I think she feels like they put pressure on her since she's the most intelligent child and the only one to go to uni, I also don't know them. She feels like she can't tell her mum that she failed since she'll be disappointed. I told her that her mum loves her and will understand but I can't actually be sure of that 100% since I dont know the parents (maybe they're knobs).

I personally think the uni will understand her situation and let her retake whatever she needs to since mental health is obviously a serious issue.

I agree that my priority should be to convince her to see a doctor but she can be stubborn. Do you think that just trying to talk to her about it is a good course of action? I want to get her to open up a bit but at the same time can't push her and make it into a huge deal (maybe she'll just get upset).

Can I just add little to what the Esk's words of wisdom.

I've known a couple of people who've been the only one of the kids to go to Uni - Medicine and Law. One girl was the daughter of a joiner, the other was a lad whose dad was a docker and mum was cleaner. The pressure they placed themselves under so as not to let the family down and to make them proud was incredible. It sounds like this couid be a possible trigger factor for your friend. I'd speak to her about this and possibly take it as a staring point for going to the Doctor or Uni counselling services. With regards to talking to her. Explain how much you care for her and want to help her. Don't be pushy or it could come across as intrusive. Maybe offer to go to the Doctors with her for support ?.

Please let us know how you get on as there's a lot in here including me, who have been unwell and can offer help and direction that comes from our own experiences .

She obvioulsy means a lot to you mate .

 

[Space Cowboy]

Can I just add little to what the Esk's words of wisdom.

I've known a couple of people who've been the only one of the kids to go to Uni - Medicine and Law. One girl was the daughter of a joiner, the other was a lad whose dad was a docker and mum was cleaner. The pressure they placed themselves under so as not to let the family down and to make them proud was incredible. It sounds like this couid be a possible trigger factor for your friend. I'd speak to her about this and possibly take it as a staring point for going to the Doctor or Uni counselling services. With regards to talking to her. Explain how much you care for her and want to help her. Don't be pushy or it could come across as intrusive. Maybe offer to go to the Doctors with her for support ?.

Please let us know how you get on as there's a lot in here including me, who have been unwell and can offer help and direction that comes from our own experiences .

She obvioulsy means a lot to you mate .

Thanks alot mate

 

[kithnou]

Thanks alot mate

If it helps her, she can have a read of this thread as well. May help her to realise she isn't alone in what she is going through.

 

[bizzaro]

The girl I am seeing has recently told me she has had depression and has had suicidal thoughts and it all came out in tears last night. I really felt powerless and just wanted to tell her everything will be alright. I think exam stress has been too much since she's been working to pay her way through a masters and ended up faling a couple of exams due to her depression. I'm trying to get her to talk to a doctor but she seems apprehensive. What can I do to help her out?

She should go see her GP. Depression can manifest itself under high and PROLONGED (negative) stress times

Be supportive. The exams will be over in due course. Change the outlook. Plan a holiday after they are finished.


Also if this has been going on for more than 6 weeks then really a GP visit is in order. Its not a sign of weakness.

Prolonged stress is bad for health. This is a FACT. Its what occupational health professionals try and tackle daily.


Tell her its entirely normal. Tell her to come have a look on here. Nothing at all to be ashamed about and theres loads of approaches to help her cope with her anxiety.

I've been there myself.

 

[bizzaro]

I think getting to the Doctor is the biggest priority, not only for any immediate concerns over suicide but also I'd think it will obviously help in any discussions with the University over retakes.

Just being there for her will help and I'd guess her opening up to you will happen quicker the more she trusts you....

Think its a clear case of an anxiety and depression.

Its actually impacting her academic performance as well. The GP can help and if she doesn't get a sympathetic ear then she should see another GP.

Its an obvious case this and there's lots that can help give her support to get through it.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Thanks for being so kind.

She's told me it's happened before and had previously seen a doctor and a therapist. Regarding the family I think she feels like they put pressure on her since she's the most intelligent child and the only one to go to uni, I also don't know them. She feels like she can't tell her mum that she failed since she'll be disappointed. I told her that her mum loves her and will understand but I can't actually be sure of that 100% since I dont know the parents (maybe they're knobs).

I personally think the uni will understand her situation and let her retake whatever she needs to since mental health is obviously a serious issue.

I agree that my priority should be to convince her to see a doctor but she can be stubborn. Do you think that just trying to talk to her about it is a good course of action? I want to get her to open up a bit but at the same time can't push her and make it into a huge deal (maybe she'll just get upset).

Currently doing a masters myself and have hit various personal problems. Many that have existed for years but have just become exasperated. Your girlfriend will have A personal tutor at uni she needs to speak to plus a lot of other support networks offered through the uni.

 

[Hibbertinho]

Thanks for being so kind.

She's told me it's happened before and had previously seen a doctor and a therapist. Regarding the family I think she feels like they put pressure on her since she's the most intelligent child and the only one to go to uni, I also don't know them. She feels like she can't tell her mum that she failed since she'll be disappointed. I told her that her mum loves her and will understand but I can't actually be sure of that 100% since I dont know the parents (maybe they're knobs).

I personally think the uni will understand her situation and let her retake whatever she needs to since mental health is obviously a serious issue.

I agree that my priority should be to convince her to see a doctor but she can be stubborn. Do you think that just trying to talk to her about it is a good course of action? I want to get her to open up a bit but at the same time can't push her and make it into a huge deal (maybe she'll just get upset).

I'm in the middle of a Physics course at University, and had to take an 'interruption' last year, for similar reasons.

The advice I would give - in addition to all of the above - is to encourage your girlfriend to go along to whatever the University can offer in the way of counselling.

I initially thought that the one in my Uni wouldn't be very helpful to me, for various reasons (I thought of myself as a 'driven person' who perhaps wouldn't benefit it; I thought that they would be too swamped with students to be of much help to anyone; I thought that my 'problems' might pale in comparison to that of some of the other people using this service... etc.)

...but I ultimately found them to be very helpful, perhaps more helpful than the GP in some areas (but DEFINITELY encourage her to see her GP first).


My course is quite competitive and at the time of my application to 'interrupt' (effectively re-sit the year, on medical grounds) I felt as though everything was hanging in the balance, and that they might not grant me the application.

I believe that the university counselling backed up my application - as I was already on their system when I applied to my school for the interruption, and they even provided me with a supporting letter - which I gave to them, in conjunction with one from my GP.

..........................................................................................................................................................................................


I realise that what I've written above might be a little convoluted - so the main point is that the university counselling service provided me with more help than I'd ever believed possible... and in retrospect, I think it may have even tipped the balance when it came to my application to re-sit. Hope all goes well +

 

[COYBL25]

I'm in the middle of a Physics course at University, and had to take an 'interruption' last year, for similar reasons.

The advice I would give - in addition to all of the above - is to encourage your girlfriend to go along to whatever the University can offer in the way of counselling.

I initially thought that the one in my Uni wouldn't be very helpful to me, for various reasons (I thought of myself as a 'driven person' who perhaps wouldn't benefit it; I thought that they would be too swamped with students to be of much help to anyone; I thought that my 'problems' might pale in comparison to that of some of the other people using this service... etc.)

...but I ultimately found them to be very helpful, perhaps more helpful than the GP in some areas (but DEFINITELY encourage her to see her GP first).


My course is quite competitive and at the time of my application to 'interrupt' (effectively re-sit the year, on medical grounds) I felt as though everything was hanging in the balance, and that they might not grant me the application.

I believe that the university counselling backed up my application - as I was already on their system when I applied to my school for the interruption, and they even provided me with a supporting letter - which I gave to them, in conjunction with one from my GP.

..........................................................................................................................................................................................


I realise that what I've written above might be a little convoluted - so the main point is that the university counselling service provided me with more help than I'd ever believed possible... and in retrospect, I think it may have even tipped the balance when it came to my application to re-sit. Hope all goes well +

Great stuff, nothing like first hand advice

 

[kithnou]

I'm in the middle of a Physics course at University, and had to take an 'interruption' last year, for similar reasons.

The advice I would give - in addition to all of the above - is to encourage your girlfriend to go along to whatever the University can offer in the way of counselling.

I initially thought that the one in my Uni wouldn't be very helpful to me, for various reasons (I thought of myself as a 'driven person' who perhaps wouldn't benefit it; I thought that they would be too swamped with students to be of much help to anyone; I thought that my 'problems' might pale in comparison to that of some of the other people using this service... etc.)

...but I ultimately found them to be very helpful, perhaps more helpful than the GP in some areas (but DEFINITELY encourage her to see her GP first).


My course is quite competitive and at the time of my application to 'interrupt' (effectively re-sit the year, on medical grounds) I felt as though everything was hanging in the balance, and that they might not grant me the application.

I believe that the university counselling backed up my application - as I was already on their system when I applied to my school for the interruption, and they even provided me with a supporting letter - which I gave to them, in conjunction with one from my GP.

..........................................................................................................................................................................................


I realise that what I've written above might be a little convoluted - so the main point is that the university counselling service provided me with more help than I'd ever believed possible... and in retrospect, I think it may have even tipped the balance when it came to my application to re-sit. Hope all goes well +

Great advice. It can only help her with her schooling and her emotional state to get some assistance from her University. They are generally there to help...unlike what most students think when they are there.

 

[Hibbertinho]

Great advice. It can only help her with her schooling and her emotional state to get some assistance from her University. They are generally there to help...unlike what most students think when they are there.

Universities are generally very understanding (and eager to keep hold of your tuition fees, of course!) but in my case, it was a bit up in the air as to whether or not they would allow me to resit... or felt like it at the time. My counselor said that most other schools in the uni were generally easy to liaise with - but that Physics were stone cold!

Ultimately, none of that mattered... but my initial perceptions of counselling in general and the university's service were proven to be very wrong...

I think I probably thought of myself as possibly being 'above it' in some warped way... it gets a very bad rep and whilst it might not be the same for everyone, I think it can at least free you of some of the negative assumptions that were hindering me from going in the first place.