Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

Seen a couple of posters mention feeling bad because they know there are people with worse problems. Don't.

That's like having problems paying the rent but thinking you dont need/deserve help because others are living on the street.

Yes there is always someone in a worse situation, however that doesn't mean your problem is insignificant. In the same way, the fact that other people we know seem* to be able to deal with their problems, doesn't mean that you should 'snap out of it'.

Feeling guilty because you aren't as bad off as someone else or aren't as strong as someone else will only compound the problem.


*I use the word 'seem' because many times we're taken in by people's acts. What that means is that other people are often taken in by our acts.
They only know we need help if we tell them.

Spot on there mate.

 

[Steverton]

Hello Blues,

My wife has been struggling with depression on and off since I have known her, but she is currently amidst that worst and longest battle I have ever seen her have. Unfortunately she has become cynical about any treatment and is refusing to talk to any therapists or take any medicine (she has done both in the past and says she does not want to anymore). The problem is she only seems to be getting worse and not doing anything about it. She just keeps saying she is hopeless to get any better. I am looking for any ideas/suggestions of things people may have tried that are a bit more outside the box? She is typically into "alternative" methods or medicines, although she has even become a bit cynical about these as well. However, don't let that stop you from suggesting anything. I am willing to give anything a try, I just hope I can convince her to try it as well. Even something as small as a good book to read or something along those lines.

 

[LinekersLegs]

Hello Blues,

My wife has been struggling with depression on and off since I have known her, but she is currently amidst that worst and longest battle I have ever seen her have. Unfortunately she has become cynical about any treatment and is refusing to talk to any therapists or take any medicine (she has done both in the past and says she does not want to anymore). The problem is she only seems to be getting worse and not doing anything about it. She just keeps saying she is hopeless to get any better. I am looking for any ideas/suggestions of things people may have tried that are a bit more outside the box? She is typically into "alternative" methods or medicines, although she has even become a bit cynical about these as well. However, don't let that stop you from suggesting anything. I am willing to give anything a try, I just hope I can convince her to try it as well. Even something as small as a good book to read or something along those lines.

Sorry to hear that mate, glad that you are being proactive in looking for ways to help her as sometimes that can be difficult for the person suffering to do themselves as they are sunk too deep into it.

One thing that really helped my husband was regular exercise, even something simple like a morning walk (rain or shine) that got him out of bed and starting the day with natural endorphines to raise the mood. Diet was also important, although the 'comfort foods' brought a short term fix to a mood swing, having a healthier diet with fish/fruits/vegetables seemed to have a better effect in stopping them happening the first place. Even if neither help directly they are unlikely to have negative side effects and can help you both in general health.

Another thing that was successful for us was scheduling to go somewhere each weekend - a walk on the beach or a trip to the grounds of a country house or a hike up a mountain all of which as a side benefit gave us more of a chance to talk through things without everyday distractions. Setting small targets and having things to look forward to helped getting through particularly rough patches.

Am sure others will chime in with things that have worked for them, hope you find a particular cocktail of approaches that is suitable. Hope you keep posting on the thread as it can sometimes feel quite lonely as the partner - important for you to have your own support as well so you can remain postive and proactive.

 

[Steverton]

Sorry to hear that mate, glad that you are being proactive in looking for ways to help her as sometimes that can be difficult for the person suffering to do themselves as they are sunk too deep into it.

One thing that really helped my husband was regular exercise, even something simple like a morning walk (rain or shine) that got him out of bed and starting the day with natural endorphines to raise the mood. Diet was also important, although the 'comfort foods' brought a short term fix to a mood swing, having a healthier diet with fish/fruits/vegetables seemed to have a better effect in stopping them happening the first place. Even if neither help directly they are unlikely to have negative side effects and can help you both in general health.

Another thing that was successful for us was scheduling to go somewhere each weekend - a walk on the beach or a trip to the grounds of a country house or a hike up a mountain all of which as a side benefit gave us more of a chance to talk through things without everyday distractions. Setting small targets and having things to look forward to helped getting through particularly rough patches.

Am sure others will chime in with things that have worked for them, hope you find a particular cocktail of approaches that is suitable. Hope you keep posting on the thread as it can sometimes feel quite lonely as the partner - important for you to have your own support as well so you can remain postive and proactive.

Thank you! This is just the kind of stuff I am looking for. I think she will be much more open to this kind of natural self-treatment. We live pretty close to a state park so I will have to plan some walks we can go on.

 

[COYBL25]

Hello Blues,

My wife has been struggling with depression on and off since I have known her, but she is currently amidst that worst and longest battle I have ever seen her have. Unfortunately she has become cynical about any treatment and is refusing to talk to any therapists or take any medicine (she has done both in the past and says she does not want to anymore). The problem is she only seems to be getting worse and not doing anything about it. She just keeps saying she is hopeless to get any better. I am looking for any ideas/suggestions of things people may have tried that are a bit more outside the box? She is typically into "alternative" methods or medicines, although she has even become a bit cynical about these as well. However, don't let that stop you from suggesting anything. I am willing to give anything a try, I just hope I can convince her to try it as well. Even something as small as a good book to read or something along those lines.

Brilliant advice there from @LinekersLegs , this may sound completely bonkers, have you thought of a dog ?.

It needs caring for and walking, plus a dog loves you inconditionally. Just my thoughts mate.

 

[LinekersLegs]

Thank you! This is just the kind of stuff I am looking for. I think she will be much more open to this kind of natural self-treatment. We live pretty close to a state park so I will have to plan some walks we can go on.

It is heading into the wrong time of year but another idea is visiting the local farmers market and picking out some stuff that looks particularly nice or is new to you and then coming home and trying new recipes to encorporate those ingredients. If it turns out tasty you can then invite a couple of friends/neighbours over to sample the new dish - a large crowd can make it a bit too stressful but if you keep it small it is a way of encouraging that social interaction that people with depression can sometimes withdraw from.

Gardening can be very therapeutic, attacking a patch of weeds is a great way to work off a fit of anger for example! Seeing the constant cycle of growth, decay and then regrowth can breed a certain acceptance it is natural for things to fluctuate and often just a few weeks can change things completely. Also opens up other avenues of things to do of a weekend such as visiting other gardens, stores for supplies, reading gardening books and also physcial work such as the weeding/pruning/digging. Even in an apartment you can do container gardening or there are other options - some schools have garden plots to teach kids or there are community schemes to rennovate abandoned areas or remove alien species from state parks.

 

[Steverton]

Brilliant advice there from @LinekersLegs , this may sound completely bonkers, have you thought of a dog ?.

It needs caring for and walking, plus a dog loves you inconditionally. Just my thoughts mate.

We actually already have a dog, but thanks for the suggestion. It does have a positive effect on her though, she has mentioned in the past that taking care of him has helped keep her going.

For awhile she was walking the dog every day, and like LinekersLegs mentioned I think the exercise was really helping her. Unfortunately she and the dog got attacked by a much larger dog in our neighborhood and ever since then she has been scared to go. Occasionally, she will go if I do as well but even then she often won't or if she does I can tell she is worried about it the whole time. Hopefully I can get her going with me again and the fear will begin to wane.

 

[Steverton]

It is heading into the wrong time of year but another idea is visiting the local farmers market and picking out some stuff that looks particularly nice or is new to you and then coming home and trying new recipes to encorporate those ingredients. If it turns out tasty you can then invite a couple of friends/neighbours over to sample the new dish - a large crowd can make it a bit too stressful but if you keep it small it is a way of encouraging that social interaction that people with depression can sometimes withdraw from.

Gardening can be very therapeutic, attacking a patch of weeds is a great way to work off a fit of anger for example! Seeing the constant cycle of growth, decay and then regrowth can breed a certain acceptance it is natural for things to fluctuate and often just a few weeks can change things completely. Also opens up other avenues of things to do of a weekend such as visiting other gardens, stores for supplies, reading gardening books and also physcial work such as the weeding/pruning/digging. Even in an apartment you can do container gardening or there are other options - some schools have garden plots to teach kids or there are community schemes to rennovate abandoned areas or remove alien species from state parks.

More great advice, thank you again. She already does frequent our local farmer's market and seems to enjoy that. She has thought about being a vendor of some sorts, so perhaps I could push for that. It would be a nice community to be involved in and get her interaction with like-minded people.

 

[COYBL25]

Hello Blues,

My wife has been struggling with depression on and off since I have known her, but she is currently amidst that worst and longest battle I have ever seen her have. Unfortunately she has become cynical about any treatment and is refusing to talk to any therapists or take any medicine (she has done both in the past and says she does not want to anymore). The problem is she only seems to be getting worse and not doing anything about it. She just keeps saying she is hopeless to get any better. I am looking for any ideas/suggestions of things people may have tried that are a bit more outside the box? She is typically into "alternative" methods or medicines, although she has even become a bit cynical about these as well. However, don't let that stop you from suggesting anything. I am willing to give anything a try, I just hope I can convince her to try it as well. Even something as small as a good book to read or something along those lines.

Just another thought, Yoga or Pilates ?.

My missus swears that's it's therapeutic as well as physically beneficial ?

 

[Steverton]

Just another thought, Yoga or Pilates ?.

My missus swears that's it's therapeutic as well as physically beneficial ?

I've suggested this in the past and she didn't seem too thrilled with the idea, but I will give it another go. With winter coming up and the fear of dogs that would be a good way to get some exercise and release indoors. Thanks

 

[COYBL25]

I've suggested this in the past and she didn't seem too thrilled with the idea, but I will give it another go. With winter coming up and the fear of dogs that would be a good way to get some exercise and release indoors. Thanks

Another thought for you !

Have a look at this website - The Mental Health Forum. NHS run.

Some of the threads on there may be able to give you and your wife some ideas as to how to move forward or even to talk to others in your situation ?.

 

[JelavicBrate]

ive been sitting here for a good few minutes thinking about how to start this so im just going to jump straight to it. im 19 years old and have suffered since a young age with an extremely addictive personality, which is basically excatly how it sounds. as soon as i found something new that i enjoyed, i couldn't stop. this includes anything from my favourite meal to obviously drugs/alcohol, which you'd have probably guessed!

when i was at school i was quite clever and was targeted A's in pretty much every subject. i wasn't a bad lad at school but i wasn't good either, i had a laugh and a joke and was pretty lazy in terms of actually listening etc, but the person i was at school wasn't what i became for the next few years. i got expelled from my school in my last year for something which got completely blown out of proportion by the school, who at the time were trying to make an example of me to the others in my opinion. after getting expelled i had nothing to do to occupy me, and so i started to knock round with the lads who also werent in school, lads who were selling/taking drugs etc, the usual stuff. at school my social circle were nice lads, we'd go the game together etc and we werent into drinking or anything at that point. but after being expelled we seen less and less of eachother, and i seen more and more of the others.

shortly after being expelled i started to smoke weed. not the worst drug in the world by all means and for some people its fine as they can have it every now and then, but not for somebody with an addictive personality. after about a month i couldnt go to sleep without it, couldnt eat without it, couldnt be myself without it. me and my old mates of course werent working, so we needed a way to get our weed, our cigis, whatever we were having at the time. we got in trouble with the police alot, i became somebody i never thought i could, i treated everybody around me badly and became very depressed. i ended up stopping smoking it because i had smoked that much that my mind was so fried and paranoid, my mum tried to give me paracetemol for a headache and i thought she was trying to kill me!

but often with people like me, they quit one thing and move onto another. and what i moved onto was even worse. gambling and alcohol. this has lead to me losing over two months wages on betting, several hospital trips for alcohol poisoning, and a rapid weight gain, i went from being a fastest 100m runner in our school to being one of the fattest! this wasnt helped by a long term relationship, in which my ex cheated on me with one of the lads (not the good ones) which really had an affect.

at the moment im doing a bit better, im trying to lose weight and i havent had a drink, a bet, a smoke, anything for just over a week which to me is a miracle. thanks to anyone for reading all of that!

The earlier you pick up on things the better. Don't listen to all this man up nonsense your mental and physical health are more important than some people's ridiculous views on masculinity. I spent ages avoiding dealing with my health problems both physical and mental and it only made the problems ten times worse. A lot of the problems you talk about I can relate to, I was never a bad lad at school nor was I well behaved either. I struggled leaving the sheltered environment of school where I had lots of mates, to going into adult life where it's a bit more difficult. I went to a school, where very few of my mates lived near me, I just got into the habit of not mixing with people. I spent a lot of time drinking and smoking weed to cover up my problems. I mixed with similar people to you, who spent most of their time taking drugs and getting involved in crime. Back then I really didn't care about going to prison or dying. Deep down I knew the life I was living was wrong, however I felt like I needed to maintain an image to impress people who didn't give a dam about me. Eventually my lifestyle caught up with me and I was quite ill for about 4 months in 2012. I largely never left the house and it gave my time to reflect on my life choices, it was then that I gave up smoking weed and mixing with idiots.

 

[l4toffee]

Seen a couple of posters mention feeling bad because they know there are people with worse problems. Don't.

That's like having problems paying the rent but thinking you dont need/deserve help because others are living on the street.

Yes there is always someone in a worse situation, however that doesn't mean your problem is insignificant. In the same way, the fact that other people we know seem* to be able to deal with their problems, doesn't mean that you should 'snap out of it'.

Feeling guilty because you aren't as bad off as someone else or aren't as strong as someone else will only compound the problem.


*I use the word 'seem' because many times we're taken in by people's acts. What that means is that other people are often taken in by our acts.
They only know we need help if we tell them.

great post

 

[hibbos left peg]

This is just something i need to get off my chest

I spent so long avoiding my problems, blaming just about anything and anyone, and slapping away anyone that tried to help, that I've come out the other side and an awful lot of the people who were initially there now dont want to know. But im a product of my own doing so I can only accept my fate, and keep doing what im doing which stands me in relatively good mental health. Its cost me friends, birds, jobs but im in a place where i can write some self indulgent tripe like this an not worry about the opinion of everyone that reads it.

some thing's do really piss me off, mainly the fact that there are those who refuse to recognise the progress I've made, still treating me like they did when i was bad,for example a rare excursion to a friends party i overheard a conversation about myself where the consensus was basically lets see how long this act lasts, but then i think...well that's their problem.
not mine, my problem is dealing with the gremlin in my brain constantly telling me your not good enough.
bur not being one to hold a grudge its easy for me to forgive those who wrong me, another significant change in my mental set up.

so basically, while im in a much better place, i still get the same dark thoughts, doubts and clouded judgements im just better at identifying these as unhealthy and dealing with them appropriately

 

[toffeemax]

Live in a close knit village and one of my cricket team mates shot himself dead last night (wife and kids left behind). Saw him Sunday for the last game of the season, happy as larry. As I say we're like one big family and I have hardly been able to work today. I work in mental health and just cannot believe how I couldn't see any signs. Must have been bottling things up for ages and it all just got too much. Please people if you have any any trouble at all, go and find help, you're not weak, you're just human.