Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[BiggyRat]

Thanks for the idea-throwing though, appreciate a different viewpoint.

That's exactly why we're here, on this thread. We won't always give you the exact answer you need, but different life experiences, from different generations...even different continents...may just trigger an idea or a thought that could lead you somewhere better.

stuck here in the UK where I am

A topic touched on before is perspective. I found travelling a fantastic eye opener, ever since my first trip to Blighty in 73! The simple things stood out for me when I got home. Not smelling diesel fumes when I was out & about for one! You may be 'stuck' for a reason, and I can appreciate that, but if the opportunity comes, travel a bit. See the world from a different perspective. I think outside of EU would be a good start too.

 

[COYBL25]

I'm aware of the catch 22 at hand here, but it's more or less inevitable - I don't want to have to start over, but I don't know if it might not come to that in the end anyway. Really unsure about the future at this point. Thanks for the idea-throwing though, appreciate a different viewpoint.

And, for my own sake, I hope not as well.

22. I've actually already written off last year, but it literally worked out in the exact opposite way I wanted, and I have to write off this year as well, which isn't great. I'm gonna go back to uni with 2 years of doing nothing basically, so will have to re-read everything all over again at least, and re-learn the basics.

I know this can always happen, I know a certified veterinarian who worked at Philip Morris in NL for 2 decades and enjoyed it and made a living out of it. He quit because he just didn't feel happy there anymore (similar to Biggy really). I just don't really know where I'm headed, where or what my own future is at... at all; not degree wise, nor any other way or kind. I'm not enjoying anything in my life at the moment, at least any kind of lasting enjoyment, and I still feel like crap most the time, but feel in a really "alone against the world" kind of situation with a very faint light at the end of the tunnel, so to say. I know life finds a way, but so far it's been a pretty crap way that it has/I have found, hah. Plus I'm really, in a way, stuck here in the UK where I am, without anyone who gives a crap even remotely close to me.

I don't know if that's not overdramatic and all, but just sharing my thoughts here really. I'm still sticking to the saying from a few posts ago, but it's just starting to feel ridiculously stressful and tasking, both mentally and physically, and draining any kind of little positive emotion I have out of me - I'm not sleeping or eating well because I don't really want to do either to be perfectly honest; just don't feel like doing it.

It's times like these that I remember my previous addiction-riddled past and how nothing's changed, except that I've given up on drinking excessively... I still often think about what would happen if I never even wake up in the morning, I just don't have the help to actually get to sleep anymore. At least not in a bottle.

If you can mate, go back and see the councillor you wee seeing at Uni ?.

They will help you focus on the positives in your life, of which I am sure there are many. It's incredibly difficult for you to see any positives at the mo due to your state of mind. I've been where you are and its horrible .

 

[LinekersLegs]

Very high numbers recorded here, hope the clubs take note and put in place things to help those affected.
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/oct/06/depression-professional-football-fifpro-survey
Depression and mental health problems in football are widespread with more than a third of players reporting symptoms, according to new research. The international players’ union, Fifpro, said 38% of the 607 players interviewed reported having problems at some stage – especially those who had suffered serious injuries.

The findings showed:

• 38% of 607 current players and 35 % of 219 former players sampled reported suffering from symptoms of depression and/or anxiety.

• Sleep disturbance (23% and 28% respectively), distress (15% and 18%) and adverse alcohol use (9% and 25%) were also reported.

• Among current professionals, players who had sustained three or more severe injuries during their career were two to nearly four times more likely to report mental health problems.

 

[Steverton]

Very high numbers recorded here, hope the clubs take note and put in place things to help those affected.
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/oct/06/depression-professional-football-fifpro-survey
Depression and mental health problems in football are widespread with more than a third of players reporting symptoms, according to new research. The international players’ union, Fifpro, said 38% of the 607 players interviewed reported having problems at some stage – especially those who had suffered serious injuries.

The findings showed:

• 38% of 607 current players and 35 % of 219 former players sampled reported suffering from symptoms of depression and/or anxiety.

• Sleep disturbance (23% and 28% respectively), distress (15% and 18%) and adverse alcohol use (9% and 25%) were also reported.

• Among current professionals, players who had sustained three or more severe injuries during their career were two to nearly four times more likely to report mental health problems.

Very interesting stuff. I wonder if any clubs have some kind of therapist/counselor staffed - sounds like they should. Just look at Everton alone this year. There has been a lot of jokes on this forum about him since his incident, but Gibson certainly fits the bill with the multiple injuries and alcohol issues. Not to mention Stones breaking down in the service station. We forget sometimes these are just 20-30 year old lads liable to have issues just like the rest of us, be nice if they had someone to talk at the club if they were having problems.

 

[LinekersLegs]

Very interesting stuff. I wonder if any clubs have some kind of therapist/counselor staffed - sounds like they should. Just look at Everton alone this year. There has been a lot of jokes on this forum about him since his incident, but Gibson certainly fits the bill with the multiple injuries and alcohol issues. Not to mention Stones breaking down in the service station. We forget sometimes these are just 20-30 year old lads liable to have issues just like the rest of us, be nice if they had someone to talk at the club if they were having problems.

Pienaar may also have some issues given some of his late night twitter postings and it must have been very tough for Kone the past two years.

Know a few clubs employ sports psychologists but don't know if they focus more on the on pitch competitve aspects rather than off field issues.

 

[admirschleck]

It started in 5th grade of primary school. He got a bad grade in school, parents were mad as he really was an excellent student and it just wasn't acceptable for them that he is not one of the best. He suffered his first panic attack, picked up his clothes, pocket money and a backpack and just disappeared for 4 days. No one actually had idea what's going on back in time and pretty much everyone was convinced it is just a puberty thing and that he is going to come back. As a younger brother who was 10 at that time, I really couldn't help much, but I knew something wasn't right.

After he came back, he was a normal person, a brother, son and a friend everyone knows him like once again. And it was like that for next 4 years (few little incidents here and there, but nothing worth mentioning). He never showed any signs of depression, anxiety whatsoever. High school quickly arrived and problems started again. He would once again just explode, get extremely mad, use his height and strength on bad way and cause problems, have fights, sell things from home etc. It really seemed like there is no solution. He was really quiet, but always kept telling me things that I only I knew. He never realised he had a problem. A big one.

Thankfully, even though it took him, parents and doctor 7 years to realise he really has a big problem, a therapy started. On my huge surprise, he had no problems taking medicaments and it really all got calm. He stopped telling me his stories and I somehow got out of that story a bit, thinking it all got ended, as it seemed like that. No panic attacks, no big things, but he still was visibly mentally weak. I got my driving license in the meantime and that was, no matter how crazy it sounds, the trigger that started bigger problems. He was mad that I would go out with a car that he would just go to a local pub and drink until 6am, returning home drunk and sweaty. He got in smoking, he started drinking. He just thought he was not good enough. Soon then, he started "stealing" keys and car from mom and dad after midnight and I would often see him returning when going to school, around 7 AM. It just gone the way you expect it to go, police caught him few times driving without the license, but would just let him go and tell him to go home, as this is small town and no one really wants "problems". All the time we were trying to talk to him, help him, but he would just refuse, saying "alright, alright" all the time and doing the exact opposite of that just few minutes after.

It was all bearable until one night when he came to the point of trying a suicide. It was once again a car issue. I promised my friends that I'm going to pick them up that night, so I got in the car after short argument with him, not even dreaming what could happen next. He just ran out of house, took me out of the car and tried to go out, but yard doors were closed. He literally tried to go through them and after failing, he punched the steering wheel completely destroying it, kicked the car doors and he just gone back home. After few minutes, he stood on the edge of home's 3rd floor terrace and started crying. He was talking about how his life is worthless, how no one loves him. It was clear that he has panic attack. I was horrified and scared to the point where I couldn't stop shaking for an hour. Luckily, both parents were there and calmed the situation. It's been few months since that happened and I am still scared of what could happen next deep down, even though doctor said he really showed a progress since then. It gets even more scary when you realise that he is the hardest person to reach and the toughest challenge of the best doctor in whole country. Yes, that's what my brother was through. We knew that he was on a really narrow border of commiting a suicide as doctor told that to parents when the therapy started, but we didn't even imagine he could actually do that. I don't even want to think about that now.

Thankfully, it's been all calm since then, he started studying and going to university once again, he is regular on classes and has showed some strong signs of huge progression. Being a younger brother of someone with that type of mental ilness is extremely tough, but I can't even imagine what it is having it. Just a message to anyone who's going through it - believe me, people around you love you. You are who you are and that is enough. Keep fighting lads.

 

[COYBL25]

It started in 5th grade of primary school. He got a bad grade in school, parents were mad as he really was an excellent student and it just wasn't acceptable for them that he is not one of the best. He suffered his first panic attack, picked up his clothes, pocket money and a backpack and just disappeared for 4 days. No one actually had idea what's going on back in time and pretty much everyone was convinced it is just a puberty thing and that he is going to come back. As a younger brother who was 10 at that time, I really couldn't help much, but I knew something wasn't right.

After he came back, he was a normal person, a brother, son and a friend everyone knows him like once again. And it was like that for next 4 years (few little incidents here and there, but nothing worth mentioning). He never showed any signs of depression, anxiety whatsoever. High school quickly arrived and problems started again. He would once again just explode, get extremely mad, use his height and strength on bad way and cause problems, have fights, sell things from home etc. It really seemed like there is no solution. He was really quiet, but always kept telling me things that I only I knew. He never realised he had a problem. A big one.

Thankfully, even though it took him, parents and doctor 7 years to realise he really has a big problem, a therapy started. On my huge surprise, he had no problems taking medicaments and it really all got calm. He stopped telling me his stories and I somehow got out of that story a bit, thinking it all got ended, as it seemed like that. No panic attacks, no big things, but he still was visibly mentally weak. I got my driving license in the meantime and that was, no matter how crazy it sounds, the trigger that started bigger problems. He was mad that I would go out with a car that he would just go to a local pub and drink until 6am, returning home drunk and sweaty. He got in smoking, he started drinking. He just thought he was not good enough. Soon then, he started "stealing" keys and car from mom and dad after midnight and I would often see him returning when going to school, around 7 AM. It just gone the way you expect it to go, police caught him few times driving without the license, but would just let him go and tell him to go home, as this is small town and no one really wants "problems". All the time we were trying to talk to him, help him, but he would just refuse, saying "alright, alright" all the time and doing the exact opposite of that just few minutes after.

It was all bearable until one night when he came to the point of trying a suicide. It was once again a car issue. I promised my friends that I'm going to pick them up that night, so I got in the car after short argument with him, not even dreaming what could happen next. He just ran out of house, took me out of the car and tried to go out, but yard doors were closed. He literally tried to go through them and after failing, he punched the steering wheel completely destroying it, kicked the car doors and he just gone back home. After few minutes, he stood on the edge of home's 3rd floor terrace and started crying. He was talking about how his life is worthless, how no one loves him. It was clear that he has panic attack. I was horrified and scared to the point where I couldn't stop shaking for an hour. Luckily, both parents were there and calmed the situation. It's been few months since that happened and I am still scared of what could happen next deep down, even though doctor said he really showed a progress since then. It gets even more scary when you realise that he is the hardest person to reach and the toughest challenge of the best doctor in whole country. Yes, that's what my brother was through. We knew that he was on a really narrow border of commiting a suicide as doctor told that to parents when the therapy started, but we didn't even imagine he could actually do that. I don't even want to think about that now.

Thankfully, it's been all calm since then, he started studying and going to university once again, he is regular on classes and has showed some strong signs of huge progression. Being a younger brother of someone with that type of mental ilness is extremely tough, but I can't even imagine what it is having it. Just a message to anyone who's going through it - believe me, people around you love you. You are who you are and that is enough. Keep fighting lads.

Great post mate - you and your family obviously love your brother very much. I can't imagine what he and you have been through, but your post shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how hard it is getting there.

 

[admirschleck]

Great post mate - you and your family obviously love your brother very much. I can't imagine what he and you have been through, but your post shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how hard it is getting there.

Thank you very much. While we're on it, I would just credit his GF aswell. His changing phase started when he met her and it's crazy how a total stranger can change a person in such a short time. The power of love. We really are lucky to live in this modern era when we have all doctors, medicaments and treatmans available, but nothing can make as much influence to a case like this as little patience and love can.

 

[efc_girl]

Cheers guys.

That's the thing though, I feel like I've reached my limit of restarts, or at least I'm tired of having to do so - what do I do now, where do I go (Rhetorical questions here, obviously)? Uni's gone to crap for at least a year, and it's gonna be ridiculously difficult the year after, provided, of course, I don't fail the resits.

To add to that nearly all of my friends or people who I used to talk to often are now acting distant or just have their own thing and direction to go in and are following that as successfully as possible.

I wish I could make better choices in life, but that's hindsight for you, always 20/20 and all.

Also sorry for this sounding likely stupid or overdramatic, I'm crap at this words thing.

I can totally relate to you and the 'restarts' thing. I have tried so many different things, and become bored and then moved onto something else and something else and something else and still find myself at nearly 27 having not really achieved anything (in my mind!). People innocently make fun of how I change my mind so much... It gets to me. Why can't I stick at something? Why do I go back and forth so much and go from one thing to another so easily? I don't think it's a bad thing though and I don't think it's a bad thing for you either... These better choices you want to make... It sounds like you are trying to make them and just haven't quite got there... Well at least you are trying, which is a lot more than a lot of people can say. It's easy to be more positive when you're not feeling in a really bad place, but I think we give ourselves a hard time because we want the best! Really though what is wrong with that? Why should we settle for something just because that is what most people do? I think you'll find most people are unhappy, they just seem to deal with it and settle for that. In my positive moments, I think to myself, well I'm glad I am not like that and I am glad that I want to make better choices because one day I will and I'll be happier than if I have settled.

I get bitter sometimes over people being successful whilst I am still trying to find my feet... Who is to say that they are happy though deep down? Again, in a more negative moment, I would not be saying that... I'd be saying well why am I stuck doing this whilst they are dead happy etc etc? This is why this forum is a good tool for us all to use. We all dip in and out of depression or anxiety and when one person is feeling positive, they can help someone who is struggling on that day and vice versa. I haven't been on here for a while but I will endeavour to come on more and help out. I need help sometimes and it's nice to share things sometimes with people that might just understand that little bit more than your average Joe that's out there settling for something we won't settle for

 

[kithnou]

I can totally relate to you and the 'restarts' thing. I have tried so many different things, and become bored and then moved onto something else and something else and something else and still find myself at nearly 27 having not really achieved anything (in my mind!). People innocently make fun of how I change my mind so much... It gets to me. Why can't I stick at something? Why do I go back and forth so much and go from one thing to another so easily? I don't think it's a bad thing though and I don't think it's a bad thing for you either... These better choices you want to make... It sounds like you are trying to make them and just haven't quite got there... Well at least you are trying, which is a lot more than a lot of people can say. It's easy to be more positive when you're not feeling in a really bad place, but I think we give ourselves a hard time because we want the best! Really though what is wrong with that? Why should we settle for something just because that is what most people do? I think you'll find most people are unhappy, they just seem to deal with it and settle for that. In my positive moments, I think to myself, well I'm glad I am not like that and I am glad that I want to make better choices because one day I will and I'll be happier than if I have settled.

I get bitter sometimes over people being successful whilst I am still trying to find my feet... Who is to say that they are happy though deep down? Again, in a more negative moment, I would not be saying that... I'd be saying well why am I stuck doing this whilst they are dead happy etc etc? This is why this forum is a good tool for us all to use. We all dip in and out of depression or anxiety and when one person is feeling positive, they can help someone who is struggling on that day and vice versa. I haven't been on here for a while but I will endeavour to come on more and help out. I need help sometimes and it's nice to share things sometimes with people that might just understand that little bit more than your average Joe that's out there settling for something we won't settle for

Great to have you back posting!
Give yourself a break, many have no idea at 27. Stay positive and remain happy. Things will work out

 

[COYBL25]

Great to have you back posting!
Give yourself a break, many have no idea at 27. Stay positive and remain happy. Things will work out

I can only echo this . Everyone's life changes with age and experience / circumstances .

I'm in my late 40's and if I think back to what I was like when I was 16, 21, 30 etc, I am a completely different person now but with bits of the younger me still in there - my choice of music for instance has remained the same and my love of Everton.

The old saying of you don't know what is around the corner really is true. Things can change for better or worse in the blink of an eye and it's how we deal with it that matters.

 

[LinekersLegs]

http://www.evertonfc.com/news/2015/10/09/martinez-backs-blues-mental-health-programme
Lee spent 18 years homeless on the streets of Liverpool, suffering from addictions, feelings of isolation and the devastating loss of members of his family. “Looking back, I think I always had symptoms of anxiety and depression since childhood,” Lee recalled. “My family environment, coupled with the world we lived in at the time didn't help. “At the age of 12, I started getting introduced to alcohol, drugs and things like that. The first time I took heroin I was 16. I was an addict straight away. “I was in and out of hostels, sleeping in bin sheds, bus stops, doorways – I slept rough for 18 years of my life but, through working with Everton, I’ve been able to get my life back on track.”

Lee has become an inspiration and a beacon for the remarkable work being done by Everton in the Community - not only is he now coaching an Everton team in the Homeless Football League, he works part-time as a tour guide at Goodison Park. He also works with Everton in the Community in the area of social isolation, engaging people who are sleeping rough, living in hostels or struggling to manage their accommodation, which is only a part of what Everton delivers daily in the community through some 60 social programmes, ranging from mental health projects to young offenders.

 

[kithnou]

Everton in the Community is something this Club does right

 

[Robertor]

It started in 5th grade of primary school. He got a bad grade in school, parents were mad as he really was an excellent student and it just wasn't acceptable for them that he is not one of the best. He suffered his first panic attack, picked up his clothes, pocket money and a backpack and just disappeared for 4 days. No one actually had idea what's going on back in time and pretty much everyone was convinced it is just a puberty thing and that he is going to come back. As a younger brother who was 10 at that time, I really couldn't help much, but I knew something wasn't right.

After he came back, he was a normal person, a brother, son and a friend everyone knows him like once again. And it was like that for next 4 years (few little incidents here and there, but nothing worth mentioning). He never showed any signs of depression, anxiety whatsoever. High school quickly arrived and problems started again. He would once again just explode, get extremely mad, use his height and strength on bad way and cause problems, have fights, sell things from home etc. It really seemed like there is no solution. He was really quiet, but always kept telling me things that I only I knew. He never realised he had a problem. A big one.

Thankfully, even though it took him, parents and doctor 7 years to realise he really has a big problem, a therapy started. On my huge surprise, he had no problems taking medicaments and it really all got calm. He stopped telling me his stories and I somehow got out of that story a bit, thinking it all got ended, as it seemed like that. No panic attacks, no big things, but he still was visibly mentally weak. I got my driving license in the meantime and that was, no matter how crazy it sounds, the trigger that started bigger problems. He was mad that I would go out with a car that he would just go to a local pub and drink until 6am, returning home drunk and sweaty. He got in smoking, he started drinking. He just thought he was not good enough. Soon then, he started "stealing" keys and car from mom and dad after midnight and I would often see him returning when going to school, around 7 AM. It just gone the way you expect it to go, police caught him few times driving without the license, but would just let him go and tell him to go home, as this is small town and no one really wants "problems". All the time we were trying to talk to him, help him, but he would just refuse, saying "alright, alright" all the time and doing the exact opposite of that just few minutes after.

It was all bearable until one night when he came to the point of trying a suicide. It was once again a car issue. I promised my friends that I'm going to pick them up that night, so I got in the car after short argument with him, not even dreaming what could happen next. He just ran out of house, took me out of the car and tried to go out, but yard doors were closed. He literally tried to go through them and after failing, he punched the steering wheel completely destroying it, kicked the car doors and he just gone back home. After few minutes, he stood on the edge of home's 3rd floor terrace and started crying. He was talking about how his life is worthless, how no one loves him. It was clear that he has panic attack. I was horrified and scared to the point where I couldn't stop shaking for an hour. Luckily, both parents were there and calmed the situation. It's been few months since that happened and I am still scared of what could happen next deep down, even though doctor said he really showed a progress since then. It gets even more scary when you realise that he is the hardest person to reach and the toughest challenge of the best doctor in whole country. Yes, that's what my brother was through. We knew that he was on a really narrow border of commiting a suicide as doctor told that to parents when the therapy started, but we didn't even imagine he could actually do that. I don't even want to think about that now.

Thankfully, it's been all calm since then, he started studying and going to university once again, he is regular on classes and has showed some strong signs of huge progression. Being a younger brother of someone with that type of mental ilness is extremely tough, but I can't even imagine what it is having it. Just a message to anyone who's going through it - believe me, people around you love you. You are who you are and that is enough. Keep fighting lads.

Brilliant post mate. Wish you, your brother and your family all the best. He's lucky you care so much.

 

[Robertor]

Not sure whether this merits a place in this thread because it's not really a problem with any sort of depression, I'm just incredibly stressed at the moment.

Me, my wife and our baby have just moved to LA a couple of days ago. I'm just struggling to envisage how I'm going to settle down, apart from living in Belgium for a couple of years I've never lived outside Liverpool and just a month ago I wasn't expecting any difference, then I thought I was moving to London, now I'm a long haul flight away from Liverpool. It just feels really weird.

I suppose time would be the biggest healer and I love the place already, there's just a few things to take into consideration that I suppose I didn't prepare for.

On an unrelated note, it's World Mental Health Day today. It's raising awareness for a somewhat taboo subject for the majority of people, and I'd hate to think someone might read this thread, read an article about growing numbers in people looking for help or read whatever else and think they need help, but don't know where to turn. There's always help around you, people care more than you know!