Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[wbn61]

A friend of mine lost his dog the other week. That not might sound like a huge thing considering what you're going through, but it was just him and the pooch for almost ten years so he was understandably devestated. He's had an on-off history of mental illness and was worried about being alone, so he stayed at my place for several days. All the while, he kept apologising for not being able to stop talking about how sad he was, how lonely, how unhappy he was even before his dog died. He'd say some dark, morbid things then immediately apologise for how silly they sounded. I found myself saying the same thing over and over: just keep saying things and then we can decide if they're silly or sensible.

I think this is sort of the point, really, of talking: take difficult emotions and put words to them, turn them into sentences. Hear them out loud, read them over, and see how other people respond to them. Keeping them unformed in your head means you never get to understand them as you might if you try to explain them.

as an aside I have a dog and have had dogs gone so can understand that. but understand what you are saying thank you.

 

[moyeslovechild]

going to sound like a not nice person now. as I'm typing I thought at least all these problems are taking away my personal problems.

don't think that sounds much like being a bad person mate... if this makes sense..

worrying is caring, it can be somewhat reassuring to be reminded that we're still very much connected to this world, we're human and we care. as testing and stressful as it can be.

a relative passed away somewhat unexpectedly a few weeks back. i wasn't close to him at all, but my mum was. It really hurt me to see her hurt, but I was glad that i could be there, even though there's only so much you can do.

our relationships with other people define us more than anything, i think. certainly more than personal situations we have no control over.

 

[chicoazul]

A few of you in the last few pages have highlighted the need to take a step back and take stock. Take time to consolidate things and give your head a break. Often when with a step back it's not as bad as it may seem when your mind is whizzing away and intensely focusing on it.

How you do that is down to experimentation. It may be going for a nice walk somewhere, taking time out to read or other methods. I started meditation with an App a couple of weeks ago and it helps my stress levels and gives me that time out. Meditation is completely not my thing and my mates will rip me for it but it works for me.

If you're interested there's a great website which also has Apps called Headspace, ran by a British guy who is dead matter of fact about it which helps as I don't like it when it's over spiritual - it puts me off.

Anyway, here's the link. If it helps one of us then it's been worthwhile.

https://www.headspace.com/

 

[kithnou]

A few of you in the last few pages have highlighted the need to take a step back and take stock. Take time to consolidate things and give your head a break. Often when with a step back it's not as bad as it may seem when your mind is whizzing away and intensely focusing on it.

How you do that is down to experimentation. It may be going for a nice walk somewhere, taking time out to read or other methods. I started meditation with an App a couple of weeks ago and it helps my stress levels and gives me that time out. Meditation is completely not my thing and my mates will rip me for it but it works for me.

If you're interested there's a great website which also has Apps called Headspace, ran by a British guy who is dead matter of fact about it which helps as I don't like it when it's over spiritual - it puts me off.

Anyway, here's the link. If it helps one of us then it's been worthwhile.

https://www.headspace.com/

Thanks my man. Will take a look

 

[Wat Tyler]

this is what I love about this thread. when I feel like this I can just relay my feelings in words and it doesn't matter if anyone replies or comments ( yeah right lol) but it's better than just rolling about in my head feeling sorry for myself.

It's not feeling sorry for yourself, it's easy to think like that but it isn't that, so don't give yourself a hard time over it.

 

[COYBL25]

A few of you in the last few pages have highlighted the need to take a step back and take stock. Take time to consolidate things and give your head a break. Often when with a step back it's not as bad as it may seem when your mind is whizzing away and intensely focusing on it.

How you do that is down to experimentation. It may be going for a nice walk somewhere, taking time out to read or other methods. I started meditation with an App a couple of weeks ago and it helps my stress levels and gives me that time out. Meditation is completely not my thing and my mates will rip me for it but it works for me.

If you're interested there's a great website which also has Apps called Headspace, ran by a British guy who is dead matter of fact about it which helps as I don't like it when it's over spiritual - it puts me off.

Anyway, here's the link. If it helps one of us then it's been worthwhile.

https://www.headspace.com/

Brilliant advice that, it's what works best for you and to find the thing that works for you can be real hit and miss.

That's one of the reasons I always recommend that people have a look at the - MENTAL HEALTH FORUM as there's so many on there that can offer coping mechanisms that most wouldn't have considered .

 

[Minimeister]

stressful day today. woke up and as usual just felt oh groundhog day. carried on as usual. as I said in another post mrs bought comp and said sort it. had probs so she phoned hp. as usual she had to go to work and left it to me. ends up the comp had a virus after I had tried to upgrade to windows 10 for her. they said all my wifi connections were in trouble and not to attempt log ins from anything else in house pcs phones etc. long story short they transferred me to a company to sort it out, wipe out infection, restore system etc with a charge of £100. I was sceptic asked loads of questions and finally decided to go ahead. long story short pc restored but same problem as begining no touch pad. so they wavered the fee. phew. then wxm college phoned asking for my son and that upset me knowing he'd missed turning up. another of my sons had his wife leave him and he is in a bad place tried to do something silly. then my mum phoned me saying my dad is ill and she's worried about him. and my wife thinks I am the bees knees and can sort all these problems out. had other family members asking me to sort things and I feel inadequate that I can't give the right answrs and find that I snap back too much.

rant over.

To be fair mate that's a hell of a lot going on for one man to cope with. Some people would struggle to deal with half that!

 

[Robertor]

I'm broken. My beautiful wife of 4 years has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been trying to stay strong for her and for our baby, but I need to break down and cry and kick and punch everything and ask why these things happen to me, to us. We've been through so much together, we're 26 and we've been together for 11 years, we've been through my coma, a miscarriage, losing two dogs, family members and a massive move to America, now this.

I don't know what to do, seriously. People say that like its a cliche but I don't know how to do anything, everything's just blank space to me. I thought this was it now and we could settle with new jobs and a new house in a new country with the potential for everything to be great.

Her mum and grandma have had cancer and they've both beaten it, I only hope my dear wife can be as strong. I can't believe I'm typing these words. I'm completely shattered.

 

[roydo]

I'm broken. My beautiful wife of 4 years has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been trying to stay strong for her and for our baby, but I need to break down and cry and kick and punch everything and ask why these things happen to me, to us. We've been through so much together, we're 26 and we've been together for 11 years, we've been through my coma, a miscarriage, losing two dogs, family members and a massive move to America, now this.

I don't know what to do, seriously. People say that like its a cliche but I don't know how to do anything, everything's just blank space to me. I thought this was it now and we could settle with new jobs and a new house in a new country with the potential for everything to be great.

Her mum and grandma have had cancer and they've both beaten it, I only hope my dear wife can be as strong. I can't believe I'm typing these words. I'm completely shattered.

My god. So soon after your move as well.

I have no words mate, other than my prayers that your wife will beat this filthy disease. My sincere and heartfelt very best wishes mate.

 

[Robertor]

My god. So soon after your move as well.

I have no words mate, other than my prayers that your wife will beat this filthy disease. My sincere and heartfelt very best wishes mate.

Thank you very much, honestly.

 

[roydo]

Thank you very much, honestly.

I will leave more practical support to folk a billion times more qualified than me to give it mate. But you will both be in my thoughts.

 

[jal123]

I'm broken. My beautiful wife of 4 years has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been trying to stay strong for her and for our baby, but I need to break down and cry and kick and punch everything and ask why these things happen to me, to us. We've been through so much together, we're 26 and we've been together for 11 years, we've been through my coma, a miscarriage, losing two dogs, family members and a massive move to America, now this.

I don't know what to do, seriously. People say that like its a cliche but I don't know how to do anything, everything's just blank space to me. I thought this was it now and we could settle with new jobs and a new house in a new country with the potential for everything to be great.

Her mum and grandma have had cancer and they've both beaten it, I only hope my dear wife can be as strong. I can't believe I'm typing these words. I'm completely shattered.

The only advice I have is make sure you give your self a platform to talk about how this affects you. If there's a boxing gym by you go and punch, kick, scream however much you want. In my experience good men like yourself will show a resilience through something like this that everyone takes for granted, expecting you to be strong. Take the time for yourself, if it's a walk in the park with your favourite band in your headphones, kicking seven shades of [Poor language removed] out of a punchbag in the boxing gym, downing 5 pints in the bar. Make sure you get that escape for yourself.


This is from experience. You'll find you put all your energy into your beautiful wife and child, never forget yourself.

All the best and if you haven't got access to anywhere to release your anger pm me with everything you want to scream at everyone you really can't. That's all I can offer apart from my thoughts, and prayers with your family.

Take care.

 

[roydo]

This is from experience. You'll find you put all your energy into your beautiful wife and child, never forget yourself.

All the best and if you haven't got access to anywhere to release your anger pm me with everything you want to scream at everyone you really can't. That's all I can offer apart from my thoughts, and prayers with your family.

I still find it difficult to remember that this is a football forum when I wander into this thread. Just staggering looking at the posts and the support.

 

[Robertor]

The only advice I have is make sure you give your self a platform to talk about how this affects you. If there's a boxing gym by you go and punch, kick, scream however much you want. In my experience good men like yourself will show a resilience through something like this that everyone takes for granted, expecting you to be strong. Take the time for yourself, if it's a walk in the park with your favourite band in your headphones, kicking seven shades of [Poor language removed] out of a punchbag in the boxing gym, downing 5 pints in the bar. Make sure you get that escape for yourself.


This is from experience. You'll find you put all your energy into your beautiful wife and child, never forget yourself.

All the best and if you haven't got access to anywhere to release your anger pm me with everything you want to scream at everyone you really can't. That's all I can offer apart from my thoughts, and prayers with your family.

Take care.

Thanks so much mate. It means the world.

 

[Minimeister]

I'm broken. My beautiful wife of 4 years has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been trying to stay strong for her and for our baby, but I need to break down and cry and kick and punch everything and ask why these things happen to me, to us. We've been through so much together, we're 26 and we've been together for 11 years, we've been through my coma, a miscarriage, losing two dogs, family members and a massive move to America, now this.

I don't know what to do, seriously. People say that like its a cliche but I don't know how to do anything, everything's just blank space to me. I thought this was it now and we could settle with new jobs and a new house in a new country with the potential for everything to be great.

Her mum and grandma have had cancer and they've both beaten it, I only hope my dear wife can be as strong. I can't believe I'm typing these words. I'm completely shattered.

As Roydo said mate there's no words that can comfort you at the moment but don't deny yourself the right to be angry and that emotion will give way to the strength to support your wife in these horrible times. Best of luck to you both mate, if you have gotten through all those rough times together you can get through this one.