Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[The Esk]

I'm broken. My beautiful wife of 4 years has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been trying to stay strong for her and for our baby, but I need to break down and cry and kick and punch everything and ask why these things happen to me, to us. We've been through so much together, we're 26 and we've been together for 11 years, we've been through my coma, a miscarriage, losing two dogs, family members and a massive move to America, now this.

I don't know what to do, seriously. People say that like its a cliche but I don't know how to do anything, everything's just blank space to me. I thought this was it now and we could settle with new jobs and a new house in a new country with the potential for everything to be great.

Her mum and grandma have had cancer and they've both beaten it, I only hope my dear wife can be as strong. I can't believe I'm typing these words. I'm completely shattered.

Mate just a short one for now, but you have both proven in the past that you have the strength to cope with adversity. 'Fraid this just another trial put your way. Be strong and positive and you will both get through it.

You know your friends here will do all we can to help you through this time.

 

[kithnou]

All I can offer you @Robertor is what the lads above have. Prayers, thoughts and strength to you and your family.Once the shock wears, time to be strong once again as you have shown many times.
Some great advice above. We are always going to be here for you.

 

[LinekersLegs]

I'm broken. My beautiful wife of 4 years has been diagnosed with cancer. I've been trying to stay strong for her and for our baby, but I need to break down and cry and kick and punch everything and ask why these things happen to me, to us. We've been through so much together, we're 26 and we've been together for 11 years, we've been through my coma, a miscarriage, losing two dogs, family members and a massive move to America, now this.

I don't know what to do, seriously. People say that like its a cliche but I don't know how to do anything, everything's just blank space to me. I thought this was it now and we could settle with new jobs and a new house in a new country with the potential for everything to be great.

Her mum and grandma have had cancer and they've both beaten it, I only hope my dear wife can be as strong. I can't believe I'm typing these words. I'm completely shattered.

Really feel for you mate, had some problems myself at a similar age and just this morning had some worrying test results that suggest it might be back so have a sense of what you, and particularly your wife, must be going through.

Will echo the others advice, especially the bit about keeping talking as problems can seem a little less intimidating when shared.

 

[kithnou]

Really feel for you mate, had some problems myself at a similar age and just this morning had some worrying test results that suggest it might be back so have a sense of what you, and particularly your wife, must be going through.

Will echo the others advice, especially the bit about keeping talking as problems can seem a little less intimidating when shared.

Sorry to read that LL. Stay strong too. You'll beat it again.

 

[Robertor]

Really feel for you mate, had some problems myself at a similar age and just this morning had some worrying test results that suggest it might be back so have a sense of what you, and particularly your wife, must be going through.

Will echo the others advice, especially the bit about keeping talking as problems can seem a little less intimidating when shared.

So sorry to hear that. Hope you're okay. Thanks very much, means a lot.

 

[The Esk]

Really feel for you mate, had some problems myself at a similar age and just this morning had some worrying test results that suggest it might be back so have a sense of what you, and particularly your wife, must be going through.

Will echo the others advice, especially the bit about keeping talking as problems can seem a little less intimidating when shared.

Sorry to hear this LL, always seems to happen to the least deserving.

Thoughts and prayers, plus all the support this forum can offer.

 

[DualityNSNO]

Really sorry to hear that, @Robertor , but both you and her look like amazing people with the ability to overcome anything together. Just stick to each other!

Also echoing this:

The only advice I have is make sure you give your self a platform to talk about how this affects you. If there's a boxing gym by you go and punch, kick, scream however much you want. In my experience good men like yourself will show a resilience through something like this that everyone takes for granted, expecting you to be strong. Take the time for yourself, if it's a walk in the park with your favourite band in your headphones, kicking seven shades of [Poor language removed] out of a punchbag in the boxing gym, downing 5 pints in the bar. Make sure you get that escape for yourself.


This is from experience. You'll find you put all your energy into your beautiful wife and child, never forget yourself.

All the best and if you haven't got access to anywhere to release your anger pm me with everything you want to scream at everyone you really can't. That's all I can offer apart from my thoughts, and prayers with your family.

Take care.

Even the PM bit, we're all mates here. When I was in a tough place earlier this year I went to the gym and did boxing and that, gets the anger out of you really well... a few years ago I went to a shooting range with a policeman family friend and shot at bottles and targets, same result... Don't let your anger stay in you, as it usually comes out at the worst of times, in the worst of ways, in my experience. Better to get it all out on that punching bag (for example) than when it shouldn't show, and so on... I'm not great with words, but just wanted to say, like...

Thoughts are with both of you, and take care. I'm reasonably sure I'm right in saying we're all here with/for you both! x

 

[LinekersLegs]

So sorry to hear that. Hope you're okay. Thanks very much, means a lot.

Hearing the c word can be a bloody frightening thing, felt like I'd been punched in the head first time I did!

But sure we'll all get through it mate, might not be too pleasant but modern medicine and a postive attitude can do wonderful things when working in tandem. Take care x

 

[Robertor]

Hearing the c word can be a bloody frightening thing, felt like I'd been punched in the head first time I did!

But sure we'll all get through it mate, might not be too pleasant but modern medicine and a postive attitude can do wonderful things when working in tandem.

Problem with my comments were that I posted on here not long after I found out, this is the first place I turn to really. Having sort of calmed down I just know she's going to beat it, they've caught it really early because I'm always on at her and all of my family to get regular checks for stuff like that. Hopefully everything works out for us, there's no point in dwelling on things. I'm going to do all I can to keep the happiness up anyway.

 

[Robertor]

Really sorry to hear that, @Robertor , but both you and her look like amazing people with the ability to overcome anything together. Just stick to each other!

Also echoing this:

Even the PM bit, we're all mates here. When I was in a tough place earlier this year I went to the gym and did boxing and that, gets the anger out of you really well... a few years ago I went to a shooting range with a policeman family friend and shot at bottles and targets, same result... Don't let your anger stay in you, as it usually comes out at the worst of times, in the worst of ways, in my experience. Better to get it all out on that punching bag (for example) than when it shouldn't show, and so on... I'm not great with words, but just wanted to say, like...

Thoughts are with both of you, and take care. I'm reasonably sure I'm right in saying we're all here with/for you both! x

Thanks so much mate. I've already ordered a punchbag online lol. I think it was a very raw reaction but I'm ready to face this head on, without doubt.

 

[LinekersLegs]

Problem with my comments were that I posted on here not long after I found out, this is the first place I turn to really. Having sort of calmed down I just know she's going to beat it, they've caught it really early because I'm always on at her and all of my family to get regular checks for stuff like that. Hopefully everything works out for us, there's no point in dwelling on things. I'm going to do all I can to keep the happiness up anyway.

Ha, same thing for me mate - read your post shortly after receiving the doctors call and your mind naturally goes into a tailspin!

 

[DualityNSNO]

Thanks so much mate. I've already ordered a punchbag online lol. I think it was a very raw reaction but I'm ready to face this head on, without doubt.

That's a good thing, if you ask me!

Best of luck again mate!

 

[Robertor]

Ha, same thing for me mate - read your post shortly after receiving the doctors call and your mind naturally goes into a tailspin!

I just felt empty, it was weird. It was like I felt everything was doomed and I know it sounds strange but it was like for a second that she'd died and there was nothing I could do, I can't describe the feeling. If comedy films are your thing and you haven't already seen it, I'd recommend watching a film called 50/50. I remembered it as one of my favourite films already but my wife hadn't seen it, we watched it this afternoon and I think in some ways it made light of the situation in the most sincere way.

 

[COYBL25]

I just felt empty, it was weird. It was like I felt everything was doomed and I know it sounds strange but it was like for a second that she'd died and there was nothing I could do, I can't describe the feeling. If comedy films are your thing and you haven't already seen it, I'd recommend watching a film called 50/50. I remembered it as one of my favourite films already but my wife hadn't seen it, we watched it this afternoon and I think in some ways it made light of the situation in the most sincere way.

Have you been assigned a councillor, along the lines of Macmillan that we have here mate ?

It would be very beneficial for you both to have someone to support you through this awful time who is a proffesional

 

[Robertor]

Have you been assigned a councillor, along the lines of Macmillan that we have here mate ?

It would be very beneficial for you both to have someone to support you through this awful time who is a proffesional

I think we'll look into it at some point, mate. Obviously we haven't been here very long so we'll have to look into things like that. My sister's a counsellor in Barcelona (she's Spanish), so we're gonna FaceTime her I think tomorrow, but obviously time zones are a problem. As I say, we'll look into it.