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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

The Esk said:
@aussiemike, mate its probably too soon to think too far ahead, but we lost a baby much earlier in pregnancy than your loss. After a few weeks we bought a magnolia tree (which flowers at the time the baby was due to be born). 20 years later, it's quite a big tree and flowers in the early spring which always reminds us of our unborn child.

Might not be appropriate for you, but for us the tree has brought a great deal of joy and comfort over the years.

Just a thought.
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That's such a wonderful and innovative idea to cope with loss and remember loved ones.

It truly sounds like it gave you some peace.
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
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So sad for you and your family mate, can't find the words that properly express my emotions at reading your post. Wishing you all the best as you deal with your loss, take care x
 
admirschleck said:
I feel like [Poor language removed]. Been like this for past 2 weeks and I feel like so many things are happening at the moment and I can't catch up with anything, I just want to rest a bit. Not like any of you can help, just felt like I should post it here. Main reason why I've been inactive.
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One thing I've learned over the past few months is that it's ok to stop and do something for yourself for once. For me it's going to the gym several times a week, it feels good to have accomplished something.

For others it might be a round of golf, reading a book or finally watching that series on Netflix you've been eyeing up for sometime.

Try doing something just for you to enjoy, it might take your mind off things for a while.

Wish you all the best.
 
efc_girl said:
I think just posting a few of my feelings on here has helped. Obviously nobody can delve that deeply on an Internet forum, but I feel like there are people who understand on here and just receiving responses and kind words/advice has helped me calm down a bit. You should try the same and you might feel a little better for it.
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That's beautiful ;)
 



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