Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Thanks for the thought guys, the support from my family and friends has been very helpful... my wife's entire family is still in Germany so that has also been tough but with Skype etc that has been made a little easier but still not the same unfortunately. We had all but planned a trip over in September to take him to see the family. this included a sneaky 2 day getaway for me to catch another game at Goodison too!

The hospital we were in was also fantastic they took great care of her and also great care of Flynn while he was in their care... this I can't be grateful enough for. They put together a memory box and did up a special book as well for us with some photos and other things like hand and foot prints, some hair cuttings and things like that.

We are using our celebrant from our wedding to do the memorial for us, again she was great then and was more then happy to do it for us when we got in touch with her... we had her out yesterday to go through the details of the service.. when she arrived she wished up a happy anniversary - turns out it was our 2 year wedding anniversary yesterday.. totally slipped our minds!

I love the tree idea however at the moment that specific idea won't be working for us but we will be looking for things like that to do.. we are starting by getting pendants made of a shrunk down size of his hand and footprints which we can wear and keep with us.

We have decided we want to try again but that will happen when it happens... I want to make sure we give Flynn the full respect and time to grieve for him he deserves before we even start to plan that. We have also decided to move as this house / nursery was meant for Flynn so we are looking for a fresh start.

Again thanks it's been good to be able to put these thoughts onto "paper".
 
aussiemike said:
We have decided we want to try again but that will happen when it happens... I want to make sure we give Flynn the full respect and time to grieve for him he deserves before we even start to plan that. We have also decided to move as this house / nursery was meant for Flynn so we are looking for a fresh start.

Again thanks it's been good to be able to put these thoughts onto "paper".
Click to expand...
Great idea Mike.

You guys have touched many of us in here. I hope you keep chatting with us. Sharing some positive times in your lives that hopefully are around the corner.

Kith
xx
 
@aussiemike There are no words to describe the pain you must be feeling. Your strength in sharing this tragedy with all of us is amazing. I've never been through such a close, agonizing tragedy as losing a child. Please know that our prayers and thoughts (from believers and non-believers) are with you and yours.

If there's a charity or scholarship fund we could get Blues to donate to in memory of Flynn, please let us know. I think that many of us would be willing to help organize that.
 
efc_girl said:
I think just posting a few of my feelings on here has helped. Obviously nobody can delve that deeply on an Internet forum, but I feel like there are people who understand on here and just receiving responses and kind words/advice has helped me calm down a bit. You should try the same and you might feel a little better for it.
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Well said.
 
Just thought I'd check in here as I haven't posted in the thread for a while.

I recently joined a gym and I can't recommend it enough if you're suffering with depression/anxiety like myself.

It has given me something else to do instead of the work-home then weekend-get bladdered routine that I have been doing.

Obviously I still have my down days, but when I feel myself falling into one I've just gone there.

I'm still waiting on my first counselling appointment. I went the doctors over this in October, so the best part of half a year and still not being seen shows how high on the list mental health is to the government.

Hope everyone is doing well.
 

GwladysBlue said:
Just thought I'd check in here as I haven't posted in the thread for a while.

I recently joined a gym and I can't recommend it enough if you're suffering with depression/anxiety like myself.

It has given me something else to do instead of the work-home then weekend-get bladdered routine that I have been doing.

Obviously I still have my down days, but when I feel myself falling into one I've just gone there.

I'm still waiting on my first counselling appointment. I went the doctors over this in October, so the best part of half a year and still not being seen shows how high on the list mental health is to the government.

Hope everyone is doing well.
Click to expand...

Congrats on joining the gym!

Doesn't matter how small the steps are mate, they keep you moving forward.
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...
one of the hardest things I've ever read that . So sorry to here that mate .
 
aussiemike said:
So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.
Click to expand...
Sympathies mate. Please use the support offered here.
 
GwladysBlue said:
Just thought I'd check in here as I haven't posted in the thread for a while.

I recently joined a gym and I can't recommend it enough if you're suffering with depression/anxiety like myself.

It has given me something else to do instead of the work-home then weekend-get bladdered routine that I have been doing.

Obviously I still have my down days, but when I feel myself falling into one I've just gone there.

I'm still waiting on my first counselling appointment. I went the doctors over this in October, so the best part of half a year and still not being seen shows how high on the list mental health is to the government.

Hope everyone is doing well.
Click to expand...
Had to wait about three months myself from the original gp appointment and apparently that was quite good in comparison to other areas. I've got friends that do cbt counselling in the private sector and it's worth looking into. You could use cash saved from not boozing at the weekend. You're right though the waiting times are a disgrace
 
JimmyJeffers said:
Had to wait about three months myself from the original gp appointment and apparently that was quite good in comparison to other areas. I've got friends that do cbt counselling in the private sector and it's worth looking into. You could use cash saved from not boozing at the weekend. You're right though the waiting times are a disgrace
Click to expand...
I still go out the weekend, I just try to get some water from behind the bar after every five drinks.

I'm terribly anxious the next day if I can't remember even a small portion of the night before.

I phoned up a month ago and I was told that I'd have an appointment within the next two weeks, obviously didn't come.
 

GwladysBlue said:
I still go out the weekend, I just try to get some water from behind the bar after every five drinks.

I'm terribly anxious the next day if I can't remember even a small portion of the night before.

I phoned up a month ago and I was told that I'd have an appointment within the next two weeks, obviously didn't come.
Click to expand...
Did you do a phone assessment thing. I'd chase them up if I was you.
I've got a mate who often has memory blanks after a night out and gets anxious. Think most people can relate to that a bit. You on any medication. One of the first things you'll be told is to calm down the drinking. Well I was Anyways
 
JimmyJeffers said:
Did you do a phone assessment thing. I'd chase them up if I was you.
I've got a mate who often has memory blanks after a night out and gets anxious. Think most people can relate to that a bit. You on any medication. One of the first things you'll be told is to calm down the drinking. Well I was Anyways
Click to expand...


The blanks in the memory and massive increase in anxiety after a heavy drinking session are due to the " mood "chemicals in your brain being affected by the alcohol, made even worse if your on meds. There's no other way to stop this other than becoming teetotal or drinking in moderation. My own limit is four pints, anything over this and I know I'm going to have a terrible time with my anxiety the following day. I've learnt to " cloak " it now at social events, to give the impression that I'm still drinking like everyone else - top my pint up with a half on the sly, so it looks like I've got a full pint all the time being a favourite.
 
JimmyJeffers said:
Did you do a phone assessment thing. I'd chase them up if I was you.
I've got a mate who often has memory blanks after a night out and gets anxious. Think most people can relate to that a bit. You on any medication. One of the first things you'll be told is to calm down the drinking. Well I was Anyways
Click to expand...
I'm going to give them another couple of weeks and then phone back.

Yeah, I've done the phone assessment.

I can't take any medication due to the job I'm in, it's a long story.

I've been to counselling before, a few years ago. I wasn't totally honest with everything that was going on at the time, so didn't get the most out of it. I was only a teenager then though, it was a bit daunting telling a stranger my life problems. I'm prepared to be more open this time around.
 
COYBL25 said:
The blanks in the memory and massive increase in anxiety after a heavy drinking session are due to the " mood "chemicals in your brain being affected by the alcohol, made even worse if your on meds. There's no other way to stop this other than becoming teetotal or drinking in moderation. My own limit is four pints, anything over this and I know I'm going to have a terrible time with my anxiety the following day. I've learnt to " cloak " it now at social events, to give the impression that I'm still drinking like everyone else - top my pint up with a half on the sly, so it looks like I've got a full pint all the time being a favourite.
Click to expand...
It is horrendous. I believe the Irish call it 'The Fear'.
 
I'm guessing long weekends can be difficult for those living alone or far from loved ones, so just a message to members of the blue family, the blues of GOT are thinking of you - if there's anything you need to get off your chest this thread is a good place to start.
 

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