Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian said:
I do also kind of think "why the hell should I be the 1 to up sticks" as well, I'll end up renting & paying way more than my mortgage whereas she'd get all the help she needed, in fact staying in this house would mean she'd quite possibly be worse off with regards to help.
She's only last year started back working as well ffs (after 16 years, doing 16 hrs on min wage) & you'd think she was the 1 paying the mortgage over the years.

Root of all evil ffs.
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Went through similar myself. In the end I decided my mental state was more important and left her, then lost my job six months later. Took eighteen months to find one, and at my age was hard. Been six years on my own now and though at times it's a struggle you get through. Have great support from my two kids. Old saying "it will be alright in the end, if it's not alright it's not the end".
 
The Esk said:
Tough it out mate, you've demonstrated through your contributions on this site that you have many skills, are intelligent and articulate - you will find something if you keep looking.

I'm a great believer in your abilities, keep the fight going, and never give up anything you don't have to give up (family and marital home).
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Cheers mate.

The words "you're more interested in that website" ring in my ears on many occasion.. I want to watch downton with her about as much as she wants to watch the u18's at midnight in the dallas cup tbh.

The way things have become though I kinda think why should she benefit when I finally get a job. Another thing you have to weigh up as well is if it's starting to affect the kids and how they'll turn out from what they are experiencing at home, plenty split & the parents relationships with their kids improves ... plenty dont as well obviously, but a crap home life can be just as detrimental to them, and I'm not thinking about legging it back to NZ either, in fact I'd want to be as close as possible as this is where I'm from for a start.
I don't HAVE to give it up but I think we'd all be a lot happier, and I certainly think it's what she's wanted for a while (few years) and she's definitely not shy of telling me so these days with an ever increasing frequency. I was told to cancel the season tickets last year but it was only cos the club would charge me £60 each that I didnt, so thats another straw ... a bit like reverse kerplunk really cos the straws are added instead of removed.

*patents Buckaroo with a camel & straws. Special Edition with an Arouna Kone figure.
 
Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian said:
Cheers mate.

The words "you're more interested in that website" ring in my ears on many occasion.. I want to watch downton with her about as much as she wants to watch the u18's at midnight in the dallas cup tbh.

The way things have become though I kinda think why should she benefit when I finally get a job. Another thing you have to weigh up as well is if it's starting to affect the kids and how they'll turn out from what they are experiencing at home, plenty split & the parents relationships with their kids improves ... plenty dont as well obviously, but a crap home life can be just as detrimental to them, and I'm not thinking about legging it back to NZ either, in fact I'd want to be as close as possible as this is where I'm from for a start.
I don't HAVE to give it up but I think we'd all be a lot happier, and I certainly think it's what she's wanted for a while (few years) and she's definitely not shy of telling me so these days with an ever increasing frequency. I was told to cancel the season tickets last year but it was only cos the club would charge me £60 each that I didnt, so thats another straw ... a bit like reverse kerplunk really cos the straws are added instead of removed.

*patents Buckaroo with a camel & straws. Special Edition with an Arouna Kone figure.
Click to expand...

Mate, I'm sure you'll do whatever is best for you and your kids in equal measures - just don't feel like you're forced down a certain route because it might be easier in the short term (or it's what "she" wants), and certainly don't give up your role in the family particularly as far as your kids are concerned.

I'm fortunate I've no experience in this situation, but like any negotiation (which is what it ends up being) the first verse of Kipling's "If" is worth remembering

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men (wife/partner) doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too
 

She knows what she's doing with regard to the season tickets as well btw, the only thing that I actually do & also something that I do with the kids, I take them to all of their things like but going the match has always what I do and thats partly why they wanted to come along with me.
Sure, when moneys tight some things have to give but I've always managed to pay for it, and I am viewing it as her trying to take away the 1 thing I do cos she knows the effect it'll have..... unforgiveable.
 
The Esk said:
Mate, I'm sure you'll do whatever is best for you and your kids in equal measures - just don't feel like you're forced down a certain route because it might be easier in the long term (or it's what "she" wants), and certainly don't give up your role in the family particularly as far as your kids are concerned.

I'm fortunate I've no experience in this situation, but like any negotiation (which is what it ends up being) the first verse of Kipling's "If" is worth remembering

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men (wife/partner) doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too
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when it starts to become apparent to you how low you are regarded though then you have to make a decision to preserve your own sanity. When she needs taking to places she changes e.g. has mates that live on The Orm,
err we've been invited to a 50th there on x date.
so I check the fixtures and we are at home, nah I'm going the match, we only have 1 game after that so if I'm not going to be able to go anymore then I aint missing it & also throwing away the cost of 3 tickets.
well I want to go
better book a train ticket then

she cant have it the way she seems to want it. At no point did she say she wants US to go, but as it is there's nobody to watch the kids anyway so I couldnt go even if we werent playing, so the match just gives us something to do while she swans off with her 'germany crew.'
 
Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian said:
when it starts to become apparent to you how low you are regarded though then you have to make a decision to preserve your own sanity. When she needs taking to places she changes e.g. has mates that live on The Orm,
err we've been invited to a 50th there on x date.
so I check the fixtures and we are at home, nah I'm going the match, we only have 1 game after that so if I'm not going to be able to go anymore then I aint missing it & also throwing away the cost of 3 tickets.
well I want to go
better book a train ticket then

she cant have it the way she seems to want it. At no point did she say she wants US to go, but as it is there's nobody to watch the kids anyway so I couldnt go even if we werent playing, so the match just gives us something to do while she swans off with her 'germany crew.'
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Sounds pretty horrible mate, only help I can give is what this thread gives, a non-judgemental ear and support.
 
Reidy's Bottle Of Grecian said:
I do also kind of think "why the hell should I be the 1 to up sticks" as well, I'll end up renting & paying way more than my mortgage whereas she'd get all the help she needed, in fact staying in this house would mean she'd quite possibly be worse off with regards to help.
She's only last year started back working as well ffs (after 16 years, doing 16 hrs on min wage) & you'd think she was the 1 paying the mortgage over the years.

Root of all evil ffs.
Click to expand...
I'm in the process of doing just that
 

I think the word that probably sums it all up is 'Resentment,' cos she seems to resent everything regarding me and it gets to a point where eventually you start to feel the same way, and resentment seems to be incurable.
 
Groucho said:
Be careful that it doesn't turn into it.

Very easy to look back and think, "I let that grow and get out of hand".

Sounds like you're going through quite an upheaval, that'd take its toll on anyone.
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correct, the situation has grown out of hand & it's not like I haven't made the effort to address it since the outset, but I'm hopefully gonna whatever I do to prevent it turning into that.
Her ma' reckons she is btw ... and who was the 1 that refused to talk about whatever was wrong.
 

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