So sorry it's taken me a while to respond. Haven't been on here for a little bit! I found this post refreshing and helpful as someone else has been in my shoes! I keep getting very stressed and worked up about it! Twice already this week I have been in awwwwful moods. Just fed up of all of these feelings.
I saw my counsellor again last week and ranted about the holiday and all my feelings etc. Long story short, we got onto the fact that it wasn't really his family that was the issue and it's more about me and my boyfriend and how I am feeling how things will be out there based on past experiences on family occasions. It made a lot of sense and I had never ever even considered that this was the cause of a lot of upset. Not that there is anything horribly wrong with our relationship; just I have been made to feel second best and not a priority on many occasions by him in the past when we are around his family etc. As I touched upon before, he is very scared about upsetting anyone or anything... Basically my counsellor has told us to go into a session together as it's him really that I have the issue with, not the family... They are just getting the brunt of my deflected emotions and the things I'm unhappy with about them are just being highlighted because of these feelings I have! It's about boundaries she said, which makes sense to me. He has never set any boundaries with his family and they basically walk all over him (probably unaware of the fact!) because that's how it's always been since he was a child and there have been no boundaries set since... So he is still treated like a child! For example, he will say how he feels about certain things to me and then do or say the exact opposite to his family, just to keep the peace... and just never has an opinion or a say on anything. Anyway, these type of things are what make me feel like I do and I guess that's how I assume the holiday is going to be... That I will feel left out and like there's something wrong with me! He needs to work on boundaries and how he acts in situations etc. I also have things to work on. We are happy, we just need to grow together and iron out our issues I suppose and I doubt it's going to be easy. He's very happy to go along with me to the session and we are going tomorrow for our first one together. I think it will help and we will end up continuing the process until things get better. I had already been mentioning to him about therapy etc even before my counsellor suggested the session, as he has expressed many times how he has issues from family stuff over the years and how he just goes along with things as it's "easier" etc. It's not a healthy way to be and of course it's going to have an effect on me and us as partners. When we have small disagreements, they escalate into big arguments and me hating myself because he just doesn't know how to deal with situations and still sulks etc like a child, over silly little disagreements that every couple has. This can't continue if we grow to have a family etc, so nipping it in the bud now is hopefully the way to a more content future!
I feel like none of that makes sense! But it's good to write it down I guess!
. Even now I get the odd phone call that starts "Hi dad" then she bursts into tears and tells me about a stressful situation at work. Hold on to all your memories mate, good and bad, they grow up so fast.
