Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Lowste]

Thanks so much, it's good to hear from others who've had similar experiences and to get some advice.

My main grievances with my work is that it's like a clique in there, everyone is so two-faced and I often feel uncomfortable because I'm worried people are talking about me behind my back. I am not naive to think that this doesn't happen to some extent in virtually all workplaces, it's rare that you'll have a manager who you genuinely like and get on with and even rarer for a manager not to favor the workers who suck up to him/her. The place though had gotten to the point of being a complete joke and I feel like I'm one of the punch-lines.

I got the job through a friend (well, more just a person I knew from college previously who I got on with but hadn't seen much of since). What I didn't know is he only recommended that I apply because that the place was chronically understaffed and they were practically giving jobs away. Since working there I've come realise what the difference between a true friend who has your back in tough situations and a person you just know and tend to get on with is. This person I've found out is more the latter. We don't socialise outside of work at all, he has snitched to the foreskin of a manager about me over trivial things and would in a heartbeat put his job over supposed friendship. I've realised that although I do generally like and have time for him, if I didn't work with him he wouldn't have any time for me like previously, we went our separate ways after college and only spoke very sporadically.

To confirm it all after I quit this morning and he was informed he has taken it very much to heart because I've decided to go all of a sudden and is clearly siding with the manager. Giving me a whole load of;

"You've really disappointed me, why have you kept this secret and then just dropped the store in the s*** like this?!

Felt like saying to him;

"Lad, I don't give a s**te about if this has left the manager and the place in the lurch, this is a horrible place that has caused me serious mental health issues over the past few months. Maybe if this was a nicer working enviroment and everyone was not so horrible to another behind their backs then I wouldn't be leaving?"

I don't imagine we'll really speak again now, we go to the same gym but I imagine he'll blank me. I'm not arsed, I've been a member there longer than him and I'm not going somewhere else to avoid him. Good luck to him, I bare no ill-will towards or any of the other people there really, not even the manager. I just don't want them in my life moving forward.[/QUOTE)

Just move on mate, put the whole episode down as a horrible experience.

I am a manager of around 20 people who are scattered around the country, I treat people the same and try to be as open minded and pragmatic as i possibly can. I do believe there are managers who are not cut out to manage people, over the years I have become involved in Wellbeing and ensuring a good work/life balance this helps me and my team strike a good balance and ensures we all know our boundaries. Please don't let this manager sour your opinions of other managers.....as mentioned in the main most people are good people, so keep an open mind...

You will find another job and then you will find the manager and you work colleagues are decent people, and you will start to enjoy the day to day work experience

Look on the positives....they out weigh the negatives

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks so much, it's good to hear from others who've had similar experiences and to get some advice.

My main grievances with my work is that it's like a clique in there, everyone is so two-faced and I often feel uncomfortable because I'm worried people are talking about me behind my back. I am not naive to think that this doesn't happen to some extent in virtually all workplaces, it's rare that you'll have a manager who you genuinely like and get on with and even rarer for a manager not to favor the workers who suck up to him/her. The place though had gotten to the point of being a complete joke and I feel like I'm one of the punch-lines.

I got the job through a friend (well, more just a person I knew from college previously who I got on with but hadn't seen much of since). What I didn't know is he only recommended that I apply because that the place was chronically understaffed and they were practically giving jobs away. Since working there I've come realise what the difference between a true friend who has your back in tough situations and a person you just know and tend to get on with is. This person I've found out is more the latter. We don't socialise outside of work at all, he has snitched to the foreskin of a manager about me over trivial things and would in a heartbeat put his job over supposed friendship. I've realised that although I do generally like and have time for him, if I didn't work with him he wouldn't have any time for me like previously, we went our separate ways after college and only spoke very sporadically.

To confirm it all after I quit this morning and he was informed he has taken it very much to heart because I've decided to go all of a sudden and is clearly siding with the manager. Giving me a whole load of;

"You've really disappointed me, why have you kept this secret and then just dropped the store in the s*** like this?!

Felt like saying to him;

"Lad, I don't give a s**te about if this has left the manager and the place in the lurch, this is a horrible place that has caused me serious mental health issues over the past few months. Maybe if this was a nicer working enviroment and everyone was not so horrible to another behind their backs then I wouldn't be leaving?"

I don't imagine we'll really speak again now, we go to the same gym but I imagine he'll blank me. I'm not arsed, I've been a member there longer than him and I'm not going somewhere else to avoid him. Good luck to him, I bare no ill-will towards or any of the other people there really, not even the manager. I just don't want them in my life moving forward.

Last sentence is the key there mate - I just don't want them in my life moving forward .

Non of them were your friends, forget them and move on. They only got the hump as all of a sudden they were a member of staff down !

 

[EFCPaul]

Update folks;

Went into today to hand my formal resignation letter in and had a ding-dong with the horrible manager. As expected he got the hump with me but I gave as good as I got and it felt good.

Told him to face that his attitude is terrible, he doesn't speak to me in a nice manner, that I not there to suck his arse and that I leaving because "the job is sh*te" (that got his blood up). Below is the exact conversation, it's ingrained in my mind. He tried to throw accusations at me like;

Him: "Me asking you a question and telling you to do your job properly is me being condescending is it?"

Me: "No, you talking to me like your some school teacher is condescending. CONDESCENDING, like that, see it's not nice is it? I'm fed up of being the b*tch in here, no more. I've been on my best behaviour for so long to try and fit in and all that achieved was making everyone in here think I'm a walk over. I'm standing up for myself, that's why I'm here telling you to your face that I'm leaving and not over the phone."

Him: "You pulled a sicky yesterday yeah?"

Me: "Yeah, I had interviews."

Him: "So.... you call that bottle do you?"

Me: "No, that's called not giving a sh*te because I don't."


I finally stood up to the bloke and in no uncertain terms told him that I hate him, the job and I not coming back because I finally standing up myself. Feel so much better, I feel like I made a big breakthrough for my own self-esteem that will serve me well in future. Thanks to everyone for your helpful messages last night, it made feel a whole of a lot better and gave me confidence ahead of today's final meeting.

 

[Bungle]

Update folks;

Went into today to hand my formal resignation letter in and had a ding-dong with the horrible manager. As expected he got the hump with me but I gave as good as I got and it felt good.

Told him to face that his attitude is terrible, he doesn't speak to me in a nice manner, that I not there to suck his arse and that I leaving because "the job is sh*te" (that got his blood up). Below is the exact conversation, it's ingrained in my mind. He tried to throw accusations at me like;

Most of the advice I offer isn't very good, but can I just say that for anyone whose job involves doing this, please consider a change of career.

 

[EvertonRhys]

Hi all,

Hope people are well. Had a lecture on depression today, and there was plenty of information I gathered, which even as somebody who has suffered with depression, I hadn't really fully appreciated. One perfect way to summarise it I thought, were Seligman's words, "Depression is the common cold of psychiatry." It does really ring true, and not in a manner to belittle it in any way. Depression, not only in itself can be so debilitating, but can lead to, or indeed be symptomatic of other mental health issues, such as OCD, Schizophrenia, dementia etc. as well as other physical illnesses, such as Cancer.

Anyway, to my main point. I know quite a lot in this thread has been mentioning GPs in particular not always being the best when going to discuss problems. I myself have experienced it. The first time I went I broke down and the doctor said I was just a bit stressed. It took losing a job and a year of not really knowing what was happening to get my diagnosis. That was courtesy of another doctor who has been one of the most consistent point of contacts for me ever since. I remember being asked a set of questions.

Today in lecture, we went into the diagnosis of depression quite deeply. It included looking at things like PHQs (Patient Health Questionnaires.) At the bottom of the post are two links to different questionnaires typically used. If you've been to a doctor and are not receiving an adequate diagnosis, or support of any kind, please do have a look, as if you haven't had one, ask the doctor to complete one! I know how hard it is going back to the doctor- it took me a year. But it's your right to be assessed just as you would be for a bad knee. It's important to not use these as self-diagnosis, but it does help you gain an idea about the different levels of severity etc.

This is Hamilton's Depression Scale: http://healthnet.umassmed.edu/mhealth/HAMD.pdf

The Beck Depression Inventory: http://wwwoundcare.ca/Uploads/ContentDocuments/BDI with interpretation.pdf

As I said, they're not a way of self-diagnosis, but thought it may help as if you've been to the doctor and not got the help you need, it's an idea of what they should look to do!

All the best!

 

[COYBL25]

Hi all,

Hope people are well. Had a lecture on depression today, and there was plenty of information I gathered, which even as somebody who has suffered with depression, I hadn't really fully appreciated. One perfect way to summarise it I thought, were Seligman's words, "Depression is the common cold of psychiatry." It does really ring true, and not in a manner to belittle it in any way. Depression, not only in itself can be so debilitating, but can lead to, or indeed be symptomatic of other mental health issues, such as OCD, Schizophrenia, dementia etc. as well as other physical illnesses, such as Cancer.

Anyway, to my main point. I know quite a lot in this thread has been mentioning GPs in particular not always being the best when going to discuss problems. I myself have experienced it. The first time I went I broke down and the doctor said I was just a bit stressed. It took losing a job and a year of not really knowing what was happening to get my diagnosis. That was courtesy of another doctor who has been one of the most consistent point of contacts for me ever since. I remember being asked a set of questions.

Today in lecture, we went into the diagnosis of depression quite deeply. It included looking at things like PHQs (Patient Health Questionnaires.) At the bottom of the post are two links to different questionnaires typically used. If you've been to a doctor and are not receiving an adequate diagnosis, or support of any kind, please do have a look, as if you haven't had one, ask the doctor to complete one! I know how hard it is going back to the doctor- it took me a year. But it's your right to be assessed just as you would be for a bad knee. It's important to not use these as self-diagnosis, but it does help you gain an idea about the different levels of severity etc.

This is Hamilton's Depression Scale: http://healthnet.umassmed.edu/mhealth/HAMD.pdf

The Beck Depression Inventory: http://wwwoundcare.ca/Uploads/ContentDocuments/BDI with interpretation.pdf

As I said, they're not a way of self-diagnosis, but thought it may help as if you've been to the doctor and not got the help you need, it's an idea of what they should look to do!

All the best!

Great advice as always the mate.

Keep posting the more practical aspects of your course too, I'm sure many in here will find it incredibly helpful and possibly help speed up their recovery.

May be worth bookmarking any your posts so people can find them easily in the future - the above despression scales being very useful for starters @The Esk @Groucho ?

 

[COYBL25]

Update folks;

Went into today to hand my formal resignation letter in and had a ding-dong with the horrible manager. As expected he got the hump with me but I gave as good as I got and it felt good.

Told him to face that his attitude is terrible, he doesn't speak to me in a nice manner, that I not there to suck his arse and that I leaving because "the job is sh*te" (that got his blood up). Below is the exact conversation, it's ingrained in my mind. He tried to throw accusations at me like;

Him: "Me asking you a question and telling you to do your job properly is me being condescending is it?"

Me: "No, you talking to me like your some school teacher is condescending. CONDESCENDING, like that, see it's not nice is it? I'm fed up of being the b*tch in here, no more. I've been on my best behaviour for so long to try and fit in and all that achieved was making everyone in here think I'm a walk over. I'm standing up for myself, that's why I'm here telling you to your face that I'm leaving and not over the phone."

Him: "You pulled a sicky yesterday yeah?"

Me: "Yeah, I had interviews."

Him: "So.... you call that bottle do you?"

Me: "No, that's called not giving a sh*te because I don't."


I finally stood up to the bloke and in no uncertain terms told him that I hate him, the job and I not coming back because I finally standing up myself. Feel so much better, I feel like I made a big breakthrough for my own self-esteem that will serve me well in future. Thanks to everyone for your helpful messages last night, it made feel a whole of a lot better and gave me confidence ahead of today's final meeting.

Good for you. I've walked out on job I hated in similar circumstances and it's a great feeling !

 

[The Esk]

Great advice as always the mate.

Keep posting the more practical aspects of your course too, I'm sure many in here will find it incredibly helpful and possibly help speed up their recovery.

May be worth bookmarking any your posts so people can find them easily in the future - the above despression scales being very useful for starters @The Esk @Groucho ?

I have threadmarked it - good idea mate

 

[EvertonRhys]

Great advice as always the mate.

Keep posting the more practical aspects of your course too, I'm sure many in here will find it incredibly helpful and possibly help speed up their recovery.

May be worth bookmarking any your posts so people can find them easily in the future - the above despression scales being very useful for starters @The Esk @Groucho ?

I have threadmarked it - good idea mate

Cheers both. Will post any information I feel may be useful. When we were looking at those tools I instantly thought of the thread as it seems such an issue sometimes when visiting a GP who isn't too familiar with mental health.

 

[TheAlmightyFloater]

Hi all,

Hope people are well. Had a lecture on depression today, and there was plenty of information I gathered, which even as somebody who has suffered with depression, I hadn't really fully appreciated. One perfect way to summarise it I thought, were Seligman's words, "Depression is the common cold of psychiatry." It does really ring true, and not in a manner to belittle it in any way. Depression, not only in itself can be so debilitating, but can lead to, or indeed be symptomatic of other mental health issues, such as OCD, Schizophrenia, dementia etc. as well as other physical illnesses, such as Cancer.

Anyway, to my main point. I know quite a lot in this thread has been mentioning GPs in particular not always being the best when going to discuss problems. I myself have experienced it. The first time I went I broke down and the doctor said I was just a bit stressed. It took losing a job and a year of not really knowing what was happening to get my diagnosis. That was courtesy of another doctor who has been one of the most consistent point of contacts for me ever since. I remember being asked a set of questions.

Today in lecture, we went into the diagnosis of depression quite deeply. It included looking at things like PHQs (Patient Health Questionnaires.) At the bottom of the post are two links to different questionnaires typically used. If you've been to a doctor and are not receiving an adequate diagnosis, or support of any kind, please do have a look, as if you haven't had one, ask the doctor to complete one! I know how hard it is going back to the doctor- it took me a year. But it's your right to be assessed just as you would be for a bad knee. It's important to not use these as self-diagnosis, but it does help you gain an idea about the different levels of severity etc.

This is Hamilton's Depression Scale: http://healthnet.umassmed.edu/mhealth/HAMD.pdf

The Beck Depression Inventory: http://wwwoundcare.ca/Uploads/ContentDocuments/BDI with interpretation.pdf

As I said, they're not a way of self-diagnosis, but thought it may help as if you've been to the doctor and not got the help you need, it's an idea of what they should look to do!

All the best!

Wonderful post mate, exactly the type of information this thread needs.

Well done to the mods too for making a threadmark.

 

[kithnou]

Update folks;

Went into today to hand my formal resignation letter in and had a ding-dong with the horrible manager. As expected he got the hump with me but I gave as good as I got and it felt good.

Told him to face that his attitude is terrible, he doesn't speak to me in a nice manner, that I not there to suck his arse and that I leaving because "the job is sh*te" (that got his blood up). Below is the exact conversation, it's ingrained in my mind. He tried to throw accusations at me like;

Him: "Me asking you a question and telling you to do your job properly is me being condescending is it?"

Me: "No, you talking to me like your some school teacher is condescending. CONDESCENDING, like that, see it's not nice is it? I'm fed up of being the b*tch in here, no more. I've been on my best behaviour for so long to try and fit in and all that achieved was making everyone in here think I'm a walk over. I'm standing up for myself, that's why I'm here telling you to your face that I'm leaving and not over the phone."

Him: "You pulled a sicky yesterday yeah?"

Me: "Yeah, I had interviews."

Him: "So.... you call that bottle do you?"

Me: "No, that's called not giving a sh*te because I don't."


I finally stood up to the bloke and in no uncertain terms told him that I hate him, the job and I not coming back because I finally standing up myself. Feel so much better, I feel like I made a big breakthrough for my own self-esteem that will serve me well in future. Thanks to everyone for your helpful messages last night, it made feel a whole of a lot better and gave me confidence ahead of today's final meeting.

Liberation can be a highly exhilarating emotion!
You are bound to have some ups and downs in the future until you find new employment.
All the best mate

 

[kithnou]

Hi all,

Hope people are well. Had a lecture on depression today, and there was plenty of information I gathered, which even as somebody who has suffered with depression, I hadn't really fully appreciated. One perfect way to summarise it I thought, were Seligman's words, "Depression is the common cold of psychiatry." It does really ring true, and not in a manner to belittle it in any way. Depression, not only in itself can be so debilitating, but can lead to, or indeed be symptomatic of other mental health issues, such as OCD, Schizophrenia, dementia etc. as well as other physical illnesses, such as Cancer.

Anyway, to my main point. I know quite a lot in this thread has been mentioning GPs in particular not always being the best when going to discuss problems. I myself have experienced it. The first time I went I broke down and the doctor said I was just a bit stressed. It took losing a job and a year of not really knowing what was happening to get my diagnosis. That was courtesy of another doctor who has been one of the most consistent point of contacts for me ever since. I remember being asked a set of questions.

Today in lecture, we went into the diagnosis of depression quite deeply. It included looking at things like PHQs (Patient Health Questionnaires.) At the bottom of the post are two links to different questionnaires typically used. If you've been to a doctor and are not receiving an adequate diagnosis, or support of any kind, please do have a look, as if you haven't had one, ask the doctor to complete one! I know how hard it is going back to the doctor- it took me a year. But it's your right to be assessed just as you would be for a bad knee. It's important to not use these as self-diagnosis, but it does help you gain an idea about the different levels of severity etc.

This is Hamilton's Depression Scale: http://healthnet.umassmed.edu/mhealth/HAMD.pdf

The Beck Depression Inventory: http://wwwoundcare.ca/Uploads/ContentDocuments/BDI with interpretation.pdf

As I said, they're not a way of self-diagnosis, but thought it may help as if you've been to the doctor and not got the help you need, it's an idea of what they should look to do!

All the best!

Brilliant mate!

 

[BiggyRat]

I finally stood up to the bloke and in no uncertain terms told him that I hate him, the job and I not coming back because I finally standing up myself. Feel so much better, I feel like I made a big breakthrough for my own self-esteem that will serve me well in future.

Indeed it will. I often recant situations from my past with my kids in order to show the similarities between their issues & mine from when I was their age. I generally end up with the same old chestnut; "If only I could put this 'aged' brain onto those younger shoulders of mine"

Basically, an older person could easily tell you what to say & how to say it, but you'd just be acting. What you have done is take a few more steps towards your older, wiser self. The next time you feel that you are being treated like this, you'll find it just that bit easier to stand up for yourself. One day, people will discover that PaulieMc takes SHlT from no one!

My recent career troubles were somewhat similar in that I was being treated like dirt and they were hoping I'd just up & go. They discovered, to their chagrin, that BiggyRat takes SHlT from no one!

 

[COYBL25]

Indeed it will. I often recant situations from my past with my kids in order to show the similarities between their issues & mine from when I was their age. I generally end up with the same old chestnut; "If only I could put this 'aged' brain onto those younger shoulders of mine"

Basically, an older person could easily tell you what to say & how to say it, but you'd just be acting. What you have done is take a few more steps towards your older, wiser self. The next time you feel that you are being treated like this, you'll find it just that bit easier to stand up for yourself. One day, people will discover that PaulieMc takes SHlT from no one!

My recent career troubles were somewhat similar in that I was being treated like dirt and they were hoping I'd just up & go. They discovered, to their chagrin, that BiggyRat takes SHlT from no one!

You tell em Biggy !

 

[BiggyRat]

You tell em Biggy !

Well, yes...it does read like that doesn't it.

I should clarify that I didn't go quietly as they would've liked, is what I meant. They had to go to so much more effort for their desired result, not knowing that I also wanted to be out of their precious environment.