Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[RetroCat]

I'm unsure what to do. I don't think it'll suit me seeing one but keeping what's going on to myself doesn't work much either.

I didn’t think counselling would suit me either and it certainly didn’t ‘cure’ my depression, but it did help alleviate the feelings of total isolation that can accompany it, made me realise I’m not abnormal and gave me some coping mechanisms. I still take reassurance from things counsellors said over 20 years ago.

Similarly meds haven’t cured me either, although they have dragged me back from some very frightening places and allowed me to get my thoughts in order so I can function

There are lots of things that can help – threads like this, exercise, personal research – I’ve seen all these and more mentioned here.

If you go to counselling and find it’s not for you then you’ve lost nothing by trying, but if it helps even a little then you’ve gained.

 

[Lionel Naismith]

I didn’t think counselling would suit me either and it certainly didn’t ‘cure’ my depression, but it did help alleviate the feelings of total isolation that can accompany it, made me realise I’m not abnormal and gave me some coping mechanisms. I still take reassurance from things counsellors said over 20 years ago.

Similarly meds haven’t cured me either, although they have dragged me back from some very frightening places and allowed me to get my thoughts in order so I can function

There are lots of things that can help – threads like this, exercise, personal research – I’ve seen all these and more mentioned here.

If you go to counselling and find it’s not for you then you’ve lost nothing by trying, but if it helps even a little then you’ve gained.

I'd try it but I don't think that will happen. Medication isn't for me either I don't want to take something that's prescribed by a doctor who can't see inside of heads. I just don't know what's best for me, I like talking on this as opposed to in person which is embarrassing for me

 

[COYBL25]

I'd try it but I don't think that will happen. Medication isn't for me either I don't want to take something that's prescribed by a doctor who can't see inside of heads. I just don't know what's best for me, I like talking on this as opposed to in person which is embarrassing for me

There's no magic bullet mate. However if you put the combination of treatments that are available together with positive steps that you can do yourself you can get better. It's very easy when suffering from depression to convince yourself that nothing will help due to your state of mind.

What I would say is that :

Medication stabilises your moods and gets you back into the world again.

Therapy gets all the thoughts out into the open and unburdens your mind of the negativity.

Therapy makes you realise that it's not abnormal to be depressed and that it's an illness same as any other illness.

Therapy teaches you to recognise slipping and coping mechanisms.

Excercise makes you feel better due to endorphins that are released.

Diet over a period of time can help.

Alcohol is incredibly bad for people with mental health problems.


I have lived with depression and roaring anxiety problems for over a decade mate. I've been through the system, some of it was good and some of it was bad. You won't know what treatment is good for you or bad for you unless you give things a go mate.

Don't talk yourself out of getting help mate,p. It'll take time, but you can do it.

 

[Lionel Naismith]

There's no magic bullet mate. However if you put the combination of treatments that are available together with positive steps that you can do yourself you can get better. It's very easy when suffering from depression to convince yourself that nothing will help due to your state of mind.

What I would say is that :

Medication stabilises your moods and gets you back into the world again.

Therapy gets all the thoughts out into the open and unburdens your mind of the negativity.

Therapy makes you realise that it's not abnormal to be depressed and that it's an illness same as any other illness.

Therapy teaches you to recognise slipping and coping mechanisms.

Excercise makes you feel better due to endorphins that are released.

Diet over a period of time can help.

Alcohol is incredibly bad for people with mental health problems.


I have lived with depression and roaring anxiety problems for over a decade mate. I've been through the system, some of it was good and some of it was bad. You won't know what treatment is good for you or bad for you unless you give things a go mate.

Don't talk yourself out of getting help mate,p. It'll take time, but you can do it.

I will make a choice sooner rather than later, I don't like the idea of any of it to be fair. I will have to knock the ale on the head or tone it down, I'll just drink until I'm done when I do have a bevvy. Thanks everyone for the bits of advice

 

[wbn61]

I'm unsure what to do. I don't think it'll suit me seeing one but keeping what's going on to myself doesn't work much either.

Well that's a start you've opened up already. Getting something on your mind out to someone else just by typing on here, and I bet that felt good.

 

[BiggyRat]

Thanks mate. Although Melbourne may be a mile too far haha. It's good to talk to people who don't just say 'sort your head out lad' hence why people battle their minds alone

Spot on. An unfair & unjustified stigma that causes more harm.

 

[flippa]

To all those fighting there way through.

There's a lot of stigma attached to depression particularly in men.

Keep your chins up.

The stigma that may exist - is based on a false proposition that men should not get depressed. We are not robots.

We try not to wallow in self pity.

However for some we need to sometimes discuss our issues with people we simply don't get chance to do so in normal life.

What I'm saying is. Don't be embarrassed if you get a clinical depression diagnosis.

Just focus on trying to feel better.

Even the strongest man can be brought down by a drip drip effect of bad luck and misfortune. It is however possible to build you back up again. With the right support

Just to chip in from a female perspective, I agree that men have the toxic social pressure of being the strong, stoical gender, but by the same token, I've lost count of times I've been told to smile/ cheer up/ don't be so serious etc- since women also have the pressure of having to always be cheery and light. Both pressures are equally toxic and destructive, and I do think (from my female pow) that it's a bit of a myth that we find it so much easier to talk about these issues. I had a friend break down in tears on me only a few weeks ago, because I told her I was on medication and seeing a counsellor, and she thought she was the only one who was experiencing depression.

(Just to be clear, cos the internet is rubbish for "tone"- I'm not trying to challenge your comments, cos I agree, but just offering up what it's like as a women, hope it comes across that way)

I'm unsure what to do. I don't think it'll suit me seeing one but keeping what's going on to myself doesn't work much either.

In my experience (and as you can see on here, everyone has different experiences)- the first time round (10 years ago), I was not in any state to be receptive to talking to someone, so it didn't really work that well. This time I've gone in with the clear idea of what I want to try and alter in my behaviour, or talk about/ find out why I behave in certain ways- and that seems to be working better.

That's my long winded way of saying, maybe approach it with what you want to get out of it?

It feels better to talk to someone I'll never see with my own eyes than it does to family. I'll be buzzing one day and then morbid for a week, my mood fluctuates and I should probably do something. Going alone isn't always a good choice

I totally identify with this- in terms of mood swings that's exactly how I was last year, and I have to say, taking medication has reduced that drastically, to the point where I cried with relief after they properly kicked in (after about a month) because I felt "normal" again, for the first time in years. It's allowed me to take a step back and be more open with talking to someone- so I would recommend meds from that point of view.

As for family- mine are utterly useless in terms of being able to talk to them, so having that stranger really helps. Happy to chat further- here or on PM if it helps.

 

[wbn61]

Just to chip in from a female perspective, I agree that men have the toxic social pressure of being the strong, stoical gender, but by the same token, I've lost count of times I've been told to smile/ cheer up/ don't be so serious etc- since women also have the pressure of having to always be cheery and light. Both pressures are equally toxic and destructive, and I do think (from my female pow) that it's a bit of a myth that we find it so much easier to talk about these issues. I had a friend break down in tears on me only a few weeks ago, because I told her I was on medication and seeing a counsellor, and she thought she was the only one who was experiencing depression.

(Just to be clear, cos the internet is rubbish for "tone"- I'm not trying to challenge your comments, cos I agree, but just offering up what it's like as a women, hope it comes across that way)



In my experience (and as you can see on here, everyone has different experiences)- the first time round (10 years ago), I was not in any state to be receptive to talking to someone, so it didn't really work that well. This time I've gone in with the clear idea of what I want to try and alter in my behaviour, or talk about/ find out why I behave in certain ways- and that seems to be working better.

That's my long winded way of saying, maybe approach it with what you want to get out of it?



I totally identify with this- in terms of mood swings that's exactly how I was last year, and I have to say, taking medication has reduced that drastically, to the point where I cried with relief after they properly kicked in (after about a month) because I felt "normal" again, for the first time in years. It's allowed me to take a step back and be more open with talking to someone- so I would recommend meds from that point of view.

As for family- mine are utterly useless in terms of being able to talk to them, so having that stranger really helps. Happy to chat further- here or on PM if it helps.

Totally agree with you. My wife is suffering greatly, with my condition and as I mentioned previously 2 other life defining issues in the family. At the moment her method of coping is anger which isn't helping anyone. I have asked her if she wanted to come with me to see my McMillan nurse/counsilor but she refuses point blankly. Her view is it is her business and no one elses.

 

[COYBL25]

Totally agree with you. My wife is suffering greatly, with my condition and as I mentioned previously 2 other life defining issues in the family. At the moment her method of coping is anger which isn't helping anyone. I have asked her if she wanted to come with me to see my McMillan nurse/counsilor but she refuses point blankly. Her view is it is her business and no one elses.

Her anger will go mate, just ride it out.

 

[Abertonian]

I will have to knock the ale on the head or tone it down, I'll just drink until I'm done when I do have a bevvy.

This is me too. I dont drink alot, can go weeks without but when I do then look out world and its not always pretty. It feels like when I do drink the only desired outcome is oblivion.

Think at some point being tee total is the only sensible option, well that or maybe sorting out all this baggage I carry around.

The guys on here are right, there are a number of options to explore but i'll bet the bottom of a glass isn't the best one for any of us.

 

[flippa]

Totally agree with you. My wife is suffering greatly, with my condition and as I mentioned previously 2 other life defining issues in the family. At the moment her method of coping is anger which isn't helping anyone. I have asked her if she wanted to come with me to see my McMillan nurse/counsilor but she refuses point blankly. Her view is it is her business and no one elses.

I can only offer my own perspective, but maybe a bit of my background might help your wife?

A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from ten years ago, when my fiance dropped dead- suddent adult death. I know it's different from the dreadful situation you both are facing, but I can definitely identify with her anger. The utter, utter senselessness and cruelty, and unfairness of the situation is still something that i struggle with- and my refusal to deal with my anger, grief and sadness has led me to where I am now, which really isn't a healthy place. It wasn't helped by people like his best friend saying to me "it's been four weeks now, we all need to move on (WTF?)" or my brother recently saying to his friends "it's been 10 years, she should be over it"... I went back last year to where we' scattered some of his ashes and my rage was so frightening to me, it was a catalyst to my spiral into severe depression and going to the doctor.

That's my long-winded way of saying, anger can eat you up, so please encourage her to talk to someone (but maybe not someone connect to you)- and feel free to share my experience if you think it might help.

Sorry, I seems to be incapable of short posts

 

[wbn61]

I can only offer my own perspective, but maybe a bit of my background might help your wife?

A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from ten years ago, when my fiance dropped dead- suddent adult death. I know it's different from the dreadful situation you both are facing, but I can definitely identify with her anger. The utter, utter senselessness and cruelty, and unfairness of the situation is still something that i struggle with- and my refusal to deal with my anger, grief and sadness has led me to where I am now, which really isn't a healthy place. It wasn't helped by people like his best friend saying to me "it's been four weeks now, we all need to move on (WTF?)" or my brother recently saying to his friends "it's been 10 years, she should be over it"... I went back last year to where we' scattered some of his ashes and my rage was so frightening to me, it was a catalyst to my spiral into severe depression and going to the doctor.

That's my long-winded way of saying, anger can eat you up, so please encourage her to talk to someone (but maybe not someone connect to you)- and feel free to share my experience if you think it might help.

Sorry, I seems to be incapable of short posts

So sorry for your situation my heart goes out to you. I dont' want anyone to get a bad impression of my wife but by nature she is always an angry woman lol. She wears her heart on her sleeve and always has to let people know what she feels vex or please. And woe betide anyone who crosses her sons and grandchildren. Now I have sent her back to work and 1 of the issues is on hold she seems a bit calmer.
Again I feel for you and hope you can manage things comfortably.

 

[Abertonian]

I can only offer my own perspective, but maybe a bit of my background might help your wife?

A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from ten years ago, when my fiance dropped dead- suddent adult death. I know it's different from the dreadful situation you both are facing, but I can definitely identify with her anger. The utter, utter senselessness and cruelty, and unfairness of the situation is still something that i struggle with- and my refusal to deal with my anger, grief and sadness has led me to where I am now, which really isn't a healthy place. It wasn't helped by people like his best friend saying to me "it's been four weeks now, we all need to move on (WTF?)" or my brother recently saying to his friends "it's been 10 years, she should be over it"... I went back last year to where we' scattered some of his ashes and my rage was so frightening to me, it was a catalyst to my spiral into severe depression and going to the doctor.

That's my long-winded way of saying, anger can eat you up, so please encourage her to talk to someone (but maybe not someone connect to you)- and feel free to share my experience if you think it might help.

Sorry, I seems to be incapable of short posts

So sad to read that people have had that kind of reaction. I know a few people whom I could imagine giving it the 'man up' type routine to situations like that but they are also the people I think would struggle the most with personal difficulties/loss.

Doesn't help anyone to bottle things up, just hope those poeple you know don't have to go through something so terrible to find that out - and also that you find a way to deal with what you've been through.

 

[flippa]

So sad to read that people have had that kind of reaction. I know a few people whom I could imagine giving it the 'man up' type routine to situations like that but they are also the people I think would struggle the most with personal difficulties/loss.

Doesn't help anyone to bottle things up, just hope those poeple you know don't have to go through something so terrible to find that out - and also that you find a way to deal with what you've been through.

I think one of the main problems for me- then and now- was that my family are very practical- we're amazing in a crisis, and can help sort anything- but utterly useless at actually talking about emotions (god forbid)- so even though i didn't really want to bottle stuff up- I did initially as a coping mechanism, and then when I was able to talk, everyone else had moved on, and had assumed I'd done the same as I didn't appear on the outside to be upset.

Bottling up is what I've been taught all my life. it's what I'm finally confronting now, and it scares me silly.

 

[BiggyRat]

Just to chip in from a female perspective, I agree that men have the toxic social pressure of being the strong, stoical gender, but by the same token, I've lost count of times I've been told to smile/ cheer up/ don't be so serious etc- since women also have the pressure of having to always be cheery and light. Both pressures are equally toxic and destructive, and I do think (from my female pow) that it's a bit of a myth that we find it so much easier to talk about these issues. I had a friend break down in tears on me only a few weeks ago, because I told her I was on medication and seeing a counsellor, and she thought she was the only one who was experiencing depression.

Well that's another stereotype knocked on the head. Thanks for sharing.

I guess, as a male, it's too easy to write from a male's perspective in order to downplay the butch, 'chin up son' mentality. Of course we'd be hypocrites if we just made an assumption on the female perspective so again, thank you for speaking up.

(Just to be clear, cos the internet is rubbish for "tone"- I'm not trying to challenge your comments, cos I agree, but just offering up what it's like as a women, hope it comes across that way)

It certainly did.