Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues


flippa said:
Just wanted to say something here before I head off; I work in education, I'm very committed to the positive effect it can have in both individual's lives, and society as a whole… having said that, it is also a double edged sword in that we start to define ourselves by our ability to pass or fail subjects/ exams, which (and I really don't want to sound glib and disparage how you're feeling), really isn't the point of education.

You can be incredibly intelligent and stress so much that you fail exams- that's not your failing, it's the arbitary system's failing. You can be a fabulous, emotional, empathetic person, who doesn't fit into the "academic" model- it doesn't mean you're less valuable as a human. When you're in the thick of it all, especiially comeing up to exams, it can be incredibly overwhelming (as it sounds like you are feeling), because uni is a struggle, but ultimately it's a small part of what makes you who you are, and people who matter don't value you for academic reasons.

One thing a therapist said which was revolutionary for me- because I also had been lurching from one thing to another with no purpose- was "how do you see your life?" Thinking about what I wanted my life to be, compared to how I thought it should be, or the pressures I or my family placed, was a big shift in my thinking.

My long winded way of trying to say, pass or fail, it doesn't matter in the long term. You can resit, or you can decide it's not for you. But it's your decision, and perhaps defining what you would like out of life might help you have a vision of the future beyond this?

(I apologise in advance if any of these sounds patronising, it's written with the best intentions)
Click to expand...

No, not patronising at all - very sound advice and valuable insight. I can't deny that I have let myself down in some respects, but I wholeheartedly agree with respect to your points about the 'system' not valuing all measures of intelligence.

I'm just a bit broken and I'm worried I'm going to really struggle when I come out of this - and whilst I can recognise the daftness of feeling like a failure I have to be honest and say that I do feel defined by it - just gotta stay positive and rid myself of that one, I guess.

DualityNSNO said:
I'm the same here, but I've still got another 2 years to go (provided I don't fail an exam in August). That out of the way now...

I don't know what helps you get going, but for me - I just have to get things done when I start them, and that's pretty much it. I don't like my degree at all, despite it being prestigious and all, so I'm in the same boat as you (ditto on the last part as well), however - I don't believe a degree will get you to be this amazing person, or define you as a failure for someone. I bet loads of people here weren't satisfied with theirs (or their grades etc) or dropped out and still went on to be great lads and lasses. It's about what you make of yourself, rather than your grades, if that makes sense. I am supposed to be studying engineering, and I enjoy the idea... but I probably won't do anything close to it when I'm done with the degree itself.

All I'm saying is - don't let uni make you someone you're clearly not. You're a good lad with a good head on your shoulders, what you do with your life should be your choice, not an institution's choice.

And I bet you're not a disappointment to your family mate. They're family for a reason, and family is much more than blood.
Click to expand...

I'm doing physics, so I imagine there's some parallels with our experiences there mate. I think that without knowing what I want to do, it would be a lot easier for me if I came out with a decent grade to keep my options open... so worrying about the prospect of really struggling and not finding something that fulfills me.

wbn61 said:
So sorry to hear about your fears hibber. try not to think of it as you failing but issues that are affecting your ability to do what you know you are capable of. your issues do not define you they mask your true self so hang in there. things could be worse you could be watching Eurovision.:eek:
Click to expand...

Thanks lar (couldn't conjure a nickname out of yours, sorry!) - you're right, of course. Hope you're doing okay - I don't mind watching a bit of that for the pure cheese factor of it, love a bit of jarg euro-trance, me.
 
Wasn't sure where to post this and how it fits in with forum rules but here goes. Back in March we lost our daughter to a mitochondrial disease. The last few years have been pretty tricky which may help to explain some of my dodgy posts and threads on here! One of the biggest difficulties we faced on a daily basis was the lack of general awareness of these conditions. To try and help raise awareness of mitochondrial disease, and deal with things on a personal level, I and a load of scallys (brothers, sister, dad and their nearest and dearest) are joining in with a charity walk up Snowdon next weekend. I'm not touting for donations as I know many on here give very generously to a number of charities but it would be a great encouragement to us if folks could have a butchers at the attached video. It is from the Lily Foundation website where more info. can be found but you should be aware the site contains images of very ill children that may be upsetting.



Further details about the Snowdon event can be found at the following link
http://www.thelilyfoundation.org.uk...ation-snowdon-challenge-2016-4-routes-4-days/

Thanks
 
tonyhorne said:
Wasn't sure where to post this and how it fits in with forum rules but here goes. Back in March we lost our daughter to a mitochondrial disease. The last few years have been pretty tricky which may help to explain some of my dodgy posts and threads on here! One of the biggest difficulties we faced on a daily basis was the lack of general awareness of these conditions. To try and help raise awareness of mitochondrial disease, and deal with things on a personal level, I and a load of scallys (brothers, sister, dad and their nearest and dearest) are joining in with a charity walk up Snowdon next weekend. I'm not touting for donations as I know many on here give very generously to a number of charities but it would be a great encouragement to us if folks could have a butchers at the attached video. It is from the Lily Foundation website where more info. can be found but you should be aware the site contains images of very ill children that may be upsetting.



Further details about the Snowdon event can be found at the following link
http://www.thelilyfoundation.org.uk...ation-snowdon-challenge-2016-4-routes-4-days/

Thanks
Click to expand...

That fits in with this forum perfectly. So sorry to hear of your loss and if you ever need to release any feelings this is a good place to do it, the people on here are so kind and understanding and going through problems themselves.
 
I'm concerned about Jose and the young players we have, Jose not really a long term manager and isn't known for developing younger players and we have young kids making their break through and the likes of stones and Barkley who are still developing
 

Hibbertinho said:
I just need to vent....

I feel like I am going to fail my degree - had trouble with it before and had to interrupt a year due to mental health issues. I always succumb to self-induced pressure and haven't applied myself in the best way possible - but I do think that depression & insomnia have had a massive effect on my performance. The uni are aware of this - I'm not sure they can really help me though, unfortunately.

I'm kind of more at ease than I originally was with coming out with a grade well below of what I'm capable of - but I have been slogging away at it for so long that I feel as though it defines me now, as will the pending 'failure'. I know it's wrong and daft, but I can't see myself in the future after this, not without some simple ideal narrative of achieving a good grade and breezing through 'open doors' (I suppose this last sentiment is pretty typical of a lot of young people finishing university, though).

Instead I just have this dead albatross around my neck now and don't have a clue what I want to do - I just stagger from one challenge to the next without ever doing myself justice. I have thought about killing myself, though it shames me to say it, and I am pretty worn down by that idea invading my thinking on a daily basis, even if there is no 'real' danger of me doing it.

I feel completely empty and listless, but I don't think I could do that to my family, even though I feel like a massive disappointment to them.
Click to expand...

Hello mate. University can be hard when you're under that sort of pressure. Luckily you are an Evertonian and your sense of humour will always get you through things. With regards to insomnia, I wish to provide some information about what I've recently learned. Drs in the UK are unwilling to get people using sleeping tablets long-term, they often say that people get addicted, or perhaps it's just the culture of this country. What I would recommend is you speak to your Dr about an anti-histamine (perhaps). These are used for other symptoms (such as hay fever) but in this country and others they are used to aid people with sleeping problems in the short term also. I used them while in hospital recently (they have no problem prescribing this long-term for these 'other' symptoms, unlike sleeping tablets) and they absolutely helped with sleep. My whole body felt better. I encourage you to, especially if you could be prescribed this for these other symptoms) to speak to your dr about your insomnia or lack of sleep pattern and please bring up anti-histamines. I appreciate you may not find this helpful immediately right now, but if you bring up to your dr, that you have this problem, and know sleeping tablets are not encouraged, it might help bringing up an anti-histamine to aid sleep, because sleeping tablets are only used as a short-term solution. hope this helps. keep the faith, and good luck with balancing all your studies. I had a period of taking them while hospitalised and they really helped. since being out, I have spoken to my dr about them, and they were prescribed without hesitation by the GP for the very reason of insomnia.
 

Hibbertinho said:
I just need to vent....

I feel like I am going to fail my degree - had trouble with it before and had to interrupt a year due to mental health issues. I always succumb to self-induced pressure and haven't applied myself in the best way possible - but I do think that depression & insomnia have had a massive effect on my performance. The uni are aware of this - I'm not sure they can really help me though, unfortunately.

I'm kind of more at ease than I originally was with coming out with a grade well below of what I'm capable of - but I have been slogging away at it for so long that I feel as though it defines me now, as will the pending 'failure'. I know it's wrong and daft, but I can't see myself in the future after this, not without some simple ideal narrative of achieving a good grade and breezing through 'open doors' (I suppose this last sentiment is pretty typical of a lot of young people finishing university, though).

Instead I just have this dead albatross around my neck now and don't have a clue what I want to do - I just stagger from one challenge to the next without ever doing myself justice. I have thought about killing myself, though it shames me to say it, and I am pretty worn down by that idea invading my thinking on a daily basis, even if there is no 'real' danger of me doing it.

I feel completely empty and listless, but I don't think I could do that to my family, even though I feel like a massive disappointment to them.
Click to expand...

it's so sad to see a young person feeling such pressure. it's not on! please feel free to message me any time. remember, there's always another day, there's always something that will raise your spirits, and most importantly, remember there's no such thing as normal, and there's no such thing as truly being alone. if I knew more specifically I would try to give better advice. university/studies are hard. you can pull yourself out of this and you will. feeling sad and feeling like it's all too much makes you a normal person. we are all a product of our experiences and so much more, please keep the faith
 
eternal_defiance said:
it's so sad to see a young person feeling such pressure. it's not on! please feel free to message me any time. remember, there's always another day, there's always something that will raise your spirits, and most importantly, remember there's no such thing as normal, and there's no such thing as truly being alone. if I knew more specifically I would try to give better advice. university/studies are hard. you can pull yourself out of this and you will. feeling sad and feeling like it's all too much makes you a normal person. we are all a product of our experiences and so much more, please keep the faith
Click to expand...

Thanks, mate - that's very kind of you. I am aware of that use of antihistamines and have access to zopiclone at the moment, although it is addictive and not a long-term solution. I have been dealing with that aspect of it for a while, it just seems to come and go in bouts. Exercise and sleep hygiene is very effective at managing it, but in and around exam time this sort of goes out the window, conversely!

Very heartening to read that last couple of lines, thanks. I hope that once this slog is over I will be able to see the wood for the trees, so to speak, and feel a bit better about myself again.
 
Good day today (yesterday lol) woke up feeling like sht after doing too much sat. went to see the lads for a drink before they set off for the match but for some reason I thought it was a 4 kick off so got there as they were leaving. went home and watched the game and really enjoyed it for the first time in a long while. went back to meet the lads as they got back and ended up having a good session.
found out something that made me feel quite humble and a bit teary. I'd like to give a big shout out to the E.F.C supporters club Wrexham branch. Apparently they sent e mails phone calls out to members requesting that they could arrange a corporate day out for me and my family for todays game. to a man/woman they all agreed. Now we all know this isn't cheap and I felt so touched that they would do this for me. Unfortunatley (maybe fortunately for me) the time limit didn't leave anything available for todays game but even so the gesture was enough for me so once again THANK YOU WREXHAM BRANCH.
Take care everyone and I hope tomorrow finds you all good in mind.
 

Welcome

Join Grand Old Team to get involved in the Everton discussion. Signing up is quick, easy, and completely free.

Register

Shop

Back
Top