Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

COYBL25 said:
Does everybody else get the same treatment ?

Bullying ?
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It's an odd one. It seems the competent people get treated badly, the useless people treated well. I've given up trying to fathom it. I think I get the brunt of the frustrations because other colleagues would throw a hissy fit if they were taken out on them (for example, in the 2 yrs I've been there, 2 colleagues have gone off on lengthy "sick leave" because they didn't like being disciplined), whereas I just get on with it. I just try not to react and let it wind me up anymore as I genuinely don't think it's personal, just today was too many things piling up at once :(
 

flippa said:
Another stressful day with my boss. Sending lots of emails talking about things that I haven't been told about previously, wanting me to action stuff based on this "knowledge" I don't have, and then patronising me/ being short when I ask what they're talking about. Incredibly frustrating.
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Sounds like you are being micro-managed at best and bullied at worst. Don't know what your situation is but could there be discrimination going on?Is your workplace unionised? You need to speak to somebody about this. I do have many years experience as a Trade Union rep at a national level. Happy to help if you inbox me. In the meantime keep a record of every time it happens.

Good luck
 
flippa said:
It's an odd one. It seems the competent people get treated badly, the useless people treated well. I've given up trying to fathom it. I think I get the brunt of the frustrations because other colleagues would throw a hissy fit if they were taken out on them (for example, in the 2 yrs I've been there, 2 colleagues have gone off on lengthy "sick leave" because they didn't like being disciplined), whereas I just get on with it. I just try not to react and let it wind me up anymore as I genuinely don't think it's personal, just today was too many things piling up at once :(
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So you are the competent one and with a great attitude? Strange that one. The joys of the workplace!
 
flippa said:
It's an odd one. It seems the competent people get treated badly, the useless people treated well. I've given up trying to fathom it. I think I get the brunt of the frustrations because other colleagues would throw a hissy fit if they were taken out on them (for example, in the 2 yrs I've been there, 2 colleagues have gone off on lengthy "sick leave" because they didn't like being disciplined), whereas I just get on with it. I just try not to react and let it wind me up anymore as I genuinely don't think it's personal, just today was too many things piling up at once :(
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Sounds like the competent people are viewed as a threat and are being put in their place by bullying and the incompetents are no threat, so left alone ?.

Or they're trying to " manage " some out by making their working environment so unpleasant they leave ?.

Either way, it's against employment law.
 
anjelikaferrett said:
Sounds like you are being micro-managed at best and bullied at worst. Don't know what your situation is but could there be discrimination going on?Is your workplace unionised? You need to speak to somebody about this. I do have many years experience as a Trade Union rep at a national level. Happy to help if you inbox me. In the meantime keep a record of every time it happens.

Good luck
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I've spoken directly to my boss (requested a formal meeting) and brought up several examples of behaviour/ speech/ treatment that I felt was inappropriate. As expected, I was told I was being "silly" (to which I responded that that was not a reasonable way to respond to legitimate complaints). At the root of it, the boss is an abysmal communicator, and terrible delegator- and so gets stressed by taking on too many things, then frustrated and angry at those around them. I'm currently following the advice of my therapist and trying to care less in the workplace, even though it goes against all my family upbringing, to give myself space to not react to their unreasonable behaviour. Usually it helps, just today I had everyone wanting a piece of me as we have a big event next week that I'm in charge of (had dumped on me), so it all got a bit too much…

I'm not in a union- also, job is not permanent yet- based on funding- which makes it tricky to complain…
 

flippa said:
I've spoken directly to my boss (requested a formal meeting) and brought up several examples of behaviour/ speech/ treatment that I felt was inappropriate. As expected, I was told I was being "silly" (to which I responded that that was not a reasonable way to respond to legitimate complaints). At the root of it, the boss is an abysmal communicator, and terrible delegator- and so gets stressed by taking on too many things, then frustrated and angry at those around them. I'm currently following the advice of my therapist and trying to care less in the workplace, even though it goes against all my family upbringing, to give myself space to not react to their unreasonable behaviour. Usually it helps, just today I had everyone wanting a piece of me as we have a big event next week that I'm in charge of (had dumped on me), so it all got a bit too much…

I'm not in a union- also, job is not permanent yet- based on funding- which makes it tricky to complain…
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As much as I hate to say it, but I think it's time to look elsewhere. If that's your bosses manage to style things are never going to change.
 
COYBL25 said:
Sounds like the competent people are viewed as a threat and are being put in their place by bullying and the incompetents are no threat, so left alone ?.

Or they're trying to " manage " some out by making their working environment so unpleasant they leave ?.

Either way, it's against employment law.
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Not exactly- without wanting to defend the behaviour (because it is dreadful), I think it's more a case of they've just given up on the incompetents (one was already taken to a disciplinary and managed to save their job, god knows how), so myself and one other colleague are relied upon for the serious/ important stuff.
 
flippa said:
I've spoken directly to my boss (requested a formal meeting) and brought up several examples of behaviour/ speech/ treatment that I felt was inappropriate. As expected, I was told I was being "silly" (to which I responded that that was not a reasonable way to respond to legitimate complaints). At the root of it, the boss is an abysmal communicator, and terrible delegator- and so gets stressed by taking on too many things, then frustrated and angry at those around them. I'm currently following the advice of my therapist and trying to care less in the workplace, even though it goes against all my family upbringing, to give myself space to not react to their unreasonable behaviour. Usually it helps, just today I had everyone wanting a piece of me as we have a big event next week that I'm in charge of (had dumped on me), so it all got a bit too much…

I'm not in a union- also, job is not permanent yet- based on funding- which makes it tricky to complain…
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Let me get this right. You met with your boss who is the same person who is causing your problems and he dismissed your concerns- which doesn't surprise me as he won't be able to see what the issue is and therefore in his head you are "silly" (Btw that is very bizarre word to use- are you a female and/or young? Seems like a patronising "go away little girl" type of comment!)

I can totally understand your reluctance to complain if the job isn't permanent but if it is affecting your health you need to do something.Write it in the work accident book-workplace stress is a legitimate work related injury. By reporting it they have to do something about it. Do you have a second line manager who you and your manager could meet with together to discuss your concerns.
 

flippa said:
I've spoken directly to my boss (requested a formal meeting) and brought up several examples of behaviour/ speech/ treatment that I felt was inappropriate. As expected, I was told I was being "silly" (to which I responded that that was not a reasonable way to respond to legitimate complaints). At the root of it, the boss is an abysmal communicator, and terrible delegator- and so gets stressed by taking on too many things, then frustrated and angry at those around them. I'm currently following the advice of my therapist and trying to care less in the workplace, even though it goes against all my family upbringing, to give myself space to not react to their unreasonable behaviour. Usually it helps, just today I had everyone wanting a piece of me as we have a big event next week that I'm in charge of (had dumped on me), so it all got a bit too much…

I'm not in a union- also, job is not permanent yet- based on funding- which makes it tricky to complain…
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I would go over his head and speak to someone more senior, but I understand your apprehension given that it's not yet apermanent job.

However, permanent or not, you have to ask yourself, is it worth being trodden on for? The answer is usually "no".

No-one respects a doormat, don't let them walk on you.
 
flippa said:
I've spoken directly to my boss (requested a formal meeting) and brought up several examples of behaviour/ speech/ treatment that I felt was inappropriate. As expected, I was told I was being "silly" (to which I responded that that was not a reasonable way to respond to legitimate complaints). At the root of it, the boss is an abysmal communicator, and terrible delegator- and so gets stressed by taking on too many things, then frustrated and angry at those around them. I'm currently following the advice of my therapist and trying to care less in the workplace, even though it goes against all my family upbringing, to give myself space to not react to their unreasonable behaviour. Usually it helps, just today I had everyone wanting a piece of me as we have a big event next week that I'm in charge of (had dumped on me), so it all got a bit too much…

I'm not in a union- also, job is not permanent yet- based on funding- which makes it tricky to complain…
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I know from my own experience in work mate it is a difficult one. I am in a similar situation where in a small team, work is allocated to me essentially by my team mates and they pick and choose what they want to do. 18 months i have been raising this issue and for 18 months nothing has been done. I n fact the advice they gave me in the first instance that i wanted a meeting was 'deal with it yourself, speak up for yourself about it'. This is despite them knowing communication is an issue for me in the team so therefore making a point would actually be a negative thing for me to do.

Further to the point by challenging it further i would alienate myself completely in the office which would be horrible to do. So rock and a hard place as they say, im desperate to move away but i need a vacancy to do it.
 
Durham Toffee said:
As I've just mentioned on another thread, I've received confirmation of my decree absolute divorce this evening and as you would expect, this is a monumental moment for me, lids.

You've been there for me through thick and incredibly thin and I just wanted to extend my thanks and appreciation to the community for getting me this far. I'm not sure where I'd have been without the initial support and being able to come back here now and slot straight back in.

You're an amazing bunch of people and I'd be overjoyed and honoured to share a pint with the vast majority of you any day.

I am truly thankful - and I mean that.

The guidance, kind words, humour, brutal honesty, friendship and just plain old interest that I have been shown whenever I've darkened the doors of this forum has been a joy to behold. I can't begin to repay you all for that. This forum is an amazing place.

It might sound like hyperbole, but it's sincerely, sincerely meant.
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Magic that mate;

life's odometer reset to zero.

this calls for...














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