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Never thought I would be on here asking for advice but found myself in a position that has me wondering . I left England and my family twenty years ago ,I have two sons who were at the time 21 and 18 .The younger one won't speak and the elder one does but nothing about his mother or brother ,I can live with that but of course I am broken over the younger son .
My marriage to their mother was a absolute nightmare but I had had a short marriage previously and didn't want to leave again.I feel I tried as well as I could but of course that is wrong as you can always do more .One time because of the arguing I wouldn't speak to her for 5 years ,no happy birthday ,no merry Christmas -nothing .There were other similar but not as long episodes and I wondered what affect it would have on my boys .Move forward 20 yrs and I saw a photo of my youngest son ,I would not have recognised him !
So now I had a mail from eldest asking if I was available to chat ,he told me he is having a bad time at home and that he is going to see a "doctor" as he has ADD
as this is genetic he wanted to speak to see if I can shed light .He sent me a 20 point guide and a chance to fill in a test .I did this and the result was that I "might have the combined subtype ADHD " my problem is that the markers don't fit and I think the answers are too broad to be definite.
I told my son and sent him the result and my feelings about it.
He replied saying he was so sad that as he wanted more help he felt that because I wouldn't accept the result ( not conclusive!) that I could no longer help him as I would be biased against helping him
I have spent a lot of the last two days reading what I can about ADD but it is hard as I am normally redirected to ADHD sites .I have lain awake a lot of last night trying to analyse myself and it has been surprising .I have found traits ,likes and dislikes that are important that I never thought mattered .
My son is a true computer freak and how he found this ADD out was from Twitter monitoring his posts and then sending him a mail suggesting that he might have ADD
My reaction was that "this is perfect ,diagnosis by computer " what more could he want ? Many hours of thought later I find myself a lot further down the line and sorry I reacted like that .
I now by the way am married to another woman ,if I had never met this woman the world would be wrong and we are as happy as possible .Nothing is perfect and I know that I am not normal ,I am highly intelligent ,that alone sets me aside .I had a really hard childhood but got through it fine ,my biggest personality trait is that I want to be friends with everyone much too much sometimes as I promise almost strangers things that they perhaps don't need expect or even deserve much to the chagrin of my former wife E.G. I recently fitted a kitchen for a guy for free and then he asked me to wire the lights and fit the appliances ,do new skirtings in the whole apartment and shelving. a new wardrobe ,he asked for wood for his daughters house and more .I did it all and didn't expect anything which was good because I didn't even get a bottle at Christmas .He asked me to help when I was supposed to be with the wife and that pee'd her off but that is who I am .I am happy being that kind of guy .
Any comments would really help.
My marriage to their mother was a absolute nightmare but I had had a short marriage previously and didn't want to leave again.I feel I tried as well as I could but of course that is wrong as you can always do more .One time because of the arguing I wouldn't speak to her for 5 years ,no happy birthday ,no merry Christmas -nothing .There were other similar but not as long episodes and I wondered what affect it would have on my boys .Move forward 20 yrs and I saw a photo of my youngest son ,I would not have recognised him !
So now I had a mail from eldest asking if I was available to chat ,he told me he is having a bad time at home and that he is going to see a "doctor" as he has ADD
as this is genetic he wanted to speak to see if I can shed light .He sent me a 20 point guide and a chance to fill in a test .I did this and the result was that I "might have the combined subtype ADHD " my problem is that the markers don't fit and I think the answers are too broad to be definite.
I told my son and sent him the result and my feelings about it.
He replied saying he was so sad that as he wanted more help he felt that because I wouldn't accept the result ( not conclusive!) that I could no longer help him as I would be biased against helping him
I have spent a lot of the last two days reading what I can about ADD but it is hard as I am normally redirected to ADHD sites .I have lain awake a lot of last night trying to analyse myself and it has been surprising .I have found traits ,likes and dislikes that are important that I never thought mattered .
My son is a true computer freak and how he found this ADD out was from Twitter monitoring his posts and then sending him a mail suggesting that he might have ADD
My reaction was that "this is perfect ,diagnosis by computer " what more could he want ? Many hours of thought later I find myself a lot further down the line and sorry I reacted like that .
I now by the way am married to another woman ,if I had never met this woman the world would be wrong and we are as happy as possible .Nothing is perfect and I know that I am not normal ,I am highly intelligent ,that alone sets me aside .I had a really hard childhood but got through it fine ,my biggest personality trait is that I want to be friends with everyone much too much sometimes as I promise almost strangers things that they perhaps don't need expect or even deserve much to the chagrin of my former wife E.G. I recently fitted a kitchen for a guy for free and then he asked me to wire the lights and fit the appliances ,do new skirtings in the whole apartment and shelving. a new wardrobe ,he asked for wood for his daughters house and more .I did it all and didn't expect anything which was good because I didn't even get a bottle at Christmas .He asked me to help when I was supposed to be with the wife and that pee'd her off but that is who I am .I am happy being that kind of guy .
Any comments would really help.
Hi mate,
From reading your post there, I`d say that looking from the outside in, due to the compex nature of what you`ve said there, I`d say that you need to go and see someone and get a proper diagnosis and maybe then see about some of therapy or treatment. You might have to pay for it, but I`d say it would be worth it for peace of mind if nothing else.
Ps - that fella who you did the work for is a shark mate and I`d stay well clear of him
I have a season ticket with my dad, hes the only other Evertonian I know, and we go the game each week. This morning he got the news that his best mate had died from a heart attack, he was 2 years younger then him and I can see it's really affecting him. He wanted to come the game anyway as he knows theres nothing he can do about it.
My dads 2 years older than him and my mum is the same age. I also know my Dad has a heart condition that he had a standard operation for a couple of months ago, my mum told me as he didnt want to worry anyone. Either way his mates death just puts it into perspective that it could've been either of them, and that scares me.
My dads 2 years older than him and my mum is the same age. I also know my Dad has a heart condition that he had a standard operation for a couple of months ago, my mum told me as he didnt want to worry anyone. Either way his mates death just puts it into perspective that it could've been either of them, and that scares me.
Well I have steered clear ,the straw that broke the camel's back was when he asked me to help him build some storage shelves above the cycle racks in the block where he lives .I asked where the wood was and he said that he was hoping I had some !! Thanks for the advice and good luck.
Contact your son again. Say maybe you didn't express yourself properly and of course you will support him. Suggest that he goes to see a professional rather than self- diagnosis. Maybe you could go to one as well and tell him that's what you are doing. He will need support - you could help each other.
Don't give up on your younger son. I have a friend who is gay. He was married before I knew him and had two sons. One day, whilst married, he was "entertaining" a friend at home and one of his sons came home unexpectedly and caught him and said friend doing things she shouldn't be doing. The marriage ended, the son never spoke to his Dad for years. Much later, son becomes a parent himself and realises that maybe his child needs a granddad and made contact with my friend. They have a good relationship now.
I have already sent a mail and he wants me to speak privately with my Daughter-in-law ,obviously I agreed and I am waiting for the time .I hope you are right with the youngest son as it breaks me up to even type this .
MrD
Player Valuation: £10m
Hey Grinch, well the update is that tomorrow I move into my new place. It's a room in a nice shared house and although not ideal, it'll do me for now and more importantly it's only a few minutes away from my little girl which is awesome.@MrD give me the update from the past couple days matedon’t think I forgot about you. Still saying prayers everything shapes up the way you want
I did try to find a place of my own but had no luck. I'm kinda glad the place I found is in a shared house. The other Tennant's are lovely and social which is something I need.
If I were to live alone at the moment I think I'd have zero social life and it would affect me in a negative way. At least this place I found has all the utilities and that. It'll do me for now.
The landlord is super ok with my little girl staying over and that so it's cool.
MrD
Player Valuation: £10m
Thanks mate.
yeah, it's a start thats the main thing. Once I have work and save a few quid I'll be looking for my own place but this is the first step.
I'll be honest, I was so amazingly low and verging on suicidal I couldn't even see the start line let alone actually start at the start.
I'll keep everyone in the loop as it does me good and everyone here deserves to know how I'm using their help and advice.
I'm going to have some hard days ahead of me when I start work due to my total lack of confidence and hatred of my appearance. (Total hatred).
The first time I wobble I will be in here immediately asking for help and advice.
It's gonna be hard at first in this new house as I'm not very social, have my appearance issues which is major and I'm a bit quiet.
But again, it's better than sitting alone every day in an empty place of my own.
Catfish Blues
Player Valuation: £15m
You're unlikely to totally change your outlook on life, but you can train yourself to recognise things you're doing.
With the recent stuff at work, and going forward ...
Write down ( pen and paper's best, but electronics fine ) :-
- What you thought you did wrong, then
- Whether or not the people you work for thought it was important and finally, if it was important
- What you, and your colleagues did to fix it
Keep that paper close, or visualised, and next time you're getting stressed, have a look at it and it should help remind you that, it's either not likely to be a big issue or, you've helped fix similar things before, and, with help, should be able to fix other things as well.
Not everything can be fixed like, but you're plainly good at what you do, and respected by your colleagues. Those colleagues will also have made mistakes, and people will have helped them out in the past. That's what being part of a team is about.
Tipp blue
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
Staying in a positive mindset is as easy as getting out for a run every day, run till your out of breath then walk for a bit while you recover and then run again.. exercise is by far the best thing you can do for your mind, you may consider getting rid of FB twitter instagram accounts if you have them.. total disaster they are, studies have been done and it's proven that they have a negative effect on mental health. I deleted my FB and Twitter almost 3 years ago and I never regretted it, I'm also getting daily exercise, haven't had my anxiety back since and I'm much happier than I had been for a long time.
It's happening again.