Simon Buttle
Player Valuation: £50m
last week you said you had been on a 3 day bender, that won't have helped much mate, but yeah if you think you are having manic episodes then you need to get to the GP asap.
In fairness one of my oldest mates is bi polar and going on mad benders was one of the ways that we all knew she was about to go on an episode.
The trick was to get her treated quickly as possible to stop it progressing.
Eventually she learnt to recognise the early symptoms and stop them before they started.
It took a while getting there though.
Tipp blue
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
See the first paragraph, that's pretty much exactly what to say when your asked to explain yourself. Being publicly interrogated is wrong on the managers part also, you were wrong to snap too a formal complaint is the way to go. You were both wrong and if you admit you were wrong and that in future you'll react in a more appropriate way.
D
Deleted member 28206
Guest
I got really burnt by going on a dating someone, i mean hurt beyond anything. I'm not ready to really chat about it but writing it out makes feel a bit better. I was unhappy being single, and avoiding the outside world, but having your heart and soul torn out by someone is enough to make me want to stay single forever. All the progress i had made since leaving the family home -- ruined inside a few months by someone i barely knew, but led me on and made me forget myself.
Then? Nothing. Silence. Why do we bother?
Then? Nothing. Silence. Why do we bother?
efcforever
Player Valuation: £10m
BluePaul86
Player Valuation: £8m
Haven't posted on here for a while since I had a bit of a meltdown during the summer but feel the need to post again as I'm struggling with my stress-levels.
I'm trying to make big changes to my life: Looking for a new job as I need a change of career path, what I'm doing now is not what I want to do and the stress it brings me and the people I work with are not good for my health. Once I've sorted a new job I'm also going to take the plunge and get my own place as I need some sort of dependency and stop relying on my parents for everything - I'm for 34 for Christ's sake.
As part of this process I am selling my car as the route I'm going down I will no longer require a car and I hate driving. I have never taken it to and am anxious every time I am behind the wheel. Part of my current job states that being a car user is part of my job ( I have to do training in our other offices now and again). I have made work aware of my car situation and have said they are fine with me being carless for a couple of months but not long-term (long enough to get a new job I thought). However they are now sending me to different locations knowing full well I no longer have my car, it feels like they are either forcing me out or making a point about how I need a car for this job. This is causing me severe anxiety and can feel myself slipping into another depression.
My job search is also so far being really fruitless, I've applied for 20 odd jobs and had one interview (of which I left after being unable to complete the initial assessment due to another anxiety attack) At the moment there doesn't seem like any light at the end of the tunnel and can't a see anytime in the future which will be stress-free.
I'm sorry for rambling and I know the above pales into insignificance compared to other people's issues but I need to get this off my chest especially to people who don't know me in person.
I'm trying to make big changes to my life: Looking for a new job as I need a change of career path, what I'm doing now is not what I want to do and the stress it brings me and the people I work with are not good for my health. Once I've sorted a new job I'm also going to take the plunge and get my own place as I need some sort of dependency and stop relying on my parents for everything - I'm for 34 for Christ's sake.
As part of this process I am selling my car as the route I'm going down I will no longer require a car and I hate driving. I have never taken it to and am anxious every time I am behind the wheel. Part of my current job states that being a car user is part of my job ( I have to do training in our other offices now and again). I have made work aware of my car situation and have said they are fine with me being carless for a couple of months but not long-term (long enough to get a new job I thought). However they are now sending me to different locations knowing full well I no longer have my car, it feels like they are either forcing me out or making a point about how I need a car for this job. This is causing me severe anxiety and can feel myself slipping into another depression.
My job search is also so far being really fruitless, I've applied for 20 odd jobs and had one interview (of which I left after being unable to complete the initial assessment due to another anxiety attack) At the moment there doesn't seem like any light at the end of the tunnel and can't a see anytime in the future which will be stress-free.
I'm sorry for rambling and I know the above pales into insignificance compared to other people's issues but I need to get this off my chest especially to people who don't know me in person.
BluePaul86
Player Valuation: £8m
Can relate to this mate, happened to me a few times. Makes you feel like your on top of the world, then taken away from you without any explanation.
D
Deleted member 28206
Guest
Good luck mate. First step on ladder here is getting your foot in the door, the knock backs are part of the job search mate. Take the rough with the smooth.
D
Deleted member 28206
Guest
I know men are supposed to be drowning in women. I’m not like that, I’ve never been like that. And the old saying is more fish in the sea and that, but I hate fishing. I hate going through the motions for the inevitable heartache.
BluePaul86
Player Valuation: £8m
I'm the same, I've never 'played the field' so to speak. I'm sorry to hear about your experience because I know from experience how much it hurts. I still haven't really got over an experience from 2012. I'm also at the point now where I am more worried about getting hurt than the thought of actually looking for anyone.
efcforever
Player Valuation: £10m
@anjelikaferrett
Is this something you can advise on. Hope you don't mind me asking for your input. I have noticed you are quite knowledgeably on stuff like this.
MrD
Player Valuation: £10m
Well, Monday I moved into my new place. It's far far from ideal but it is what it is. I went to drop off my little girl back at her mum's.
Due to her utter resentment for me we ended up having an argument. Nothing I done, I just asked her if I could leave some of my stuff in the house as i have limited space here. (She said no as she wants all my stuff gone. No idea where I'm gonna put it all)
Also, she has started going back on small things she said. Daft stuff like me using the Amazon prime account so I can watch films and that. No big deal at all but it all led to her going on about how I'm still trying to live off her and all that rubbish. So not true. I'm out on my own journey now.
I can deal with that, what I can't handle is now she is saying that I'm an embarrassment and I should be ashamed of my situation. She is also saying she is ashamed she was with me.
She said all her mates now know about my issues and how it's embarrassing etc.
She said there's nothing wrong with me, no one has depression for so long. Basically she is going out of her way to try and kick me hard when I'm down. Plus telling me how ashamed she is that she was with me (she wasn't ashamed a few month ago during sex etc!)
She herself has seen me at my worst. She has lived it with me. Now she is saying I've been fine all along.
She even has gone as far to start suggesting that I'm not a good dad, she threatened me with not seeing the baby which is so low of her.
It triggered a pretty large crying session in the car. I couldn't help it, being told that someone is embarrassed they were ever with me for 9 years and now knowing that she is telling her one sided tales to all sorts of people and I'm now a laughing stock hurt me.
It all sounds so daft and it's all very long story but all of this, the split, having to leave with nothing and with no money or job has been very stressful this past month.
Now the day I move forward (albeit not where I want to start) she starts on me. I just don't want to see her and deal with the face pulling and bitchy little put downs every time I pick up/drop.off the little one.
It's made me.question whether I should just walk away from both of them. I know the way she is going that it won't be long till she starts messing me around about seeing my daughter.
Basically, my issues with my appearance, subsequent depression and being too scared to fix anything has led to all this. I know it's my fault and I accept it, but she is going out of her way to make me suffer shame.
I love women. I love being with someone but it's getting to the point where I can't ever see myself being with anyone ever again. I just worry I'll mess it up again or someone will just start to treat me like garbage.
I could go on and on, I've felt awful this past month but had to force myself to move forward, move back to North Wales to be near my daughter with no friends and no family here. I'm doing it for her, I literally cried as I forced myself to sort stuff out. I just wanted to curl up and sleep.
Now I'm back feeling like crap, feeling ashamed and now have the weight of all these people shes been telling tales about me too.
I know it sounds petty compared to other people's issues, I'm just so low on self confidence and have zero self worth, all of this is keeping me down. In my place!
Sorry to rant. I know I'm pathetic.
Due to her utter resentment for me we ended up having an argument. Nothing I done, I just asked her if I could leave some of my stuff in the house as i have limited space here. (She said no as she wants all my stuff gone. No idea where I'm gonna put it all)
Also, she has started going back on small things she said. Daft stuff like me using the Amazon prime account so I can watch films and that. No big deal at all but it all led to her going on about how I'm still trying to live off her and all that rubbish. So not true. I'm out on my own journey now.
I can deal with that, what I can't handle is now she is saying that I'm an embarrassment and I should be ashamed of my situation. She is also saying she is ashamed she was with me.
She said all her mates now know about my issues and how it's embarrassing etc.
She said there's nothing wrong with me, no one has depression for so long. Basically she is going out of her way to try and kick me hard when I'm down. Plus telling me how ashamed she is that she was with me (she wasn't ashamed a few month ago during sex etc!)
She herself has seen me at my worst. She has lived it with me. Now she is saying I've been fine all along.
She even has gone as far to start suggesting that I'm not a good dad, she threatened me with not seeing the baby which is so low of her.
It triggered a pretty large crying session in the car. I couldn't help it, being told that someone is embarrassed they were ever with me for 9 years and now knowing that she is telling her one sided tales to all sorts of people and I'm now a laughing stock hurt me.
It all sounds so daft and it's all very long story but all of this, the split, having to leave with nothing and with no money or job has been very stressful this past month.
Now the day I move forward (albeit not where I want to start) she starts on me. I just don't want to see her and deal with the face pulling and bitchy little put downs every time I pick up/drop.off the little one.
It's made me.question whether I should just walk away from both of them. I know the way she is going that it won't be long till she starts messing me around about seeing my daughter.
Basically, my issues with my appearance, subsequent depression and being too scared to fix anything has led to all this. I know it's my fault and I accept it, but she is going out of her way to make me suffer shame.
I love women. I love being with someone but it's getting to the point where I can't ever see myself being with anyone ever again. I just worry I'll mess it up again or someone will just start to treat me like garbage.
I could go on and on, I've felt awful this past month but had to force myself to move forward, move back to North Wales to be near my daughter with no friends and no family here. I'm doing it for her, I literally cried as I forced myself to sort stuff out. I just wanted to curl up and sleep.
Now I'm back feeling like crap, feeling ashamed and now have the weight of all these people shes been telling tales about me too.
I know it sounds petty compared to other people's issues, I'm just so low on self confidence and have zero self worth, all of this is keeping me down. In my place!
Sorry to rant. I know I'm pathetic.
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Disgruntledgoat
Player Valuation: £50m
This is a normal reaction of somebody who is themselves unhappy. If you can put yourself in your ex's shoes for a moment, she will be suffering too. Her life has also been turned upside down. So, to convince herself that she's made the right decision she has decided to view you as a person with no redeeming qualities and to externalize (My American spell checker keeps putting a z where there should be an s) her pain onto you. But know this... She does not get to decide who you are, you do. My ex tried all this stuff with me and it worked for a long time, until I realized what she was doing. It's not a mature or healthy way to deal with problems.
Don't walk away from your little girl, she needs you. But make it clear to your ex that there is nothing to be gained from talking to you like you don't matter, especially in front of your daughter. Aside from your feelings, it's a terrible example. Keep it civil, if she starts angling for a fight don't take the bait. A good technique is this: Tell her what she did (spoke to you like crap), how it makes you feel (depressed, anxious etc) and what you expect (that she speaks to you with respect).
About the only two things you can't change in this situation are the past and what other people think of you, so don't try. The past is just a story we tell ourselves for how we react in the present. That is the only power it has over us. You know that you have suffered from depression and how that has effected your life, you also know that you are taking positive steps to change yourself for the better. Give yourself credit for that. Those people she says are laughing at you? They only have her side of the story and what does it matter? What kind of person laughs at a man going through a hard time?
You are doing great. There will be hard times but you can get through this. Look at where you are now compared to where you were a few weeks ago.
Practical stuff: Your possessions, if there's anything that is really important, get that and keep it with you or store it with your mother, maybe? The rest? It's only stuff, screw it. Sell it or give it away or let her deal with it. When we broke up, my ex was very aggressive in saying she chose all the stuff in the house to make it look nice and I didn't care. I cared enough to pay for it all, but I didn't want it. It was just stuff. I left with my clothes, my books, my records and my bikes. That was it. And I was much happier.
Anything else she's going back on, get what you originally agreed in writing. Even if its a text or whatsapp. Then hold her to it. Same goes for you, don't agree to anything that doesn't work for you by text or e-mail. You're going to have to be a little hard-nosed about this.
Keep going, you're doing great.
efcforever
Player Valuation: £10m
You are definitely NOT pathetic. You have shown tremendous strength in recent weeks. I really admire the way you have picked yourself up and moved forward. You are stronger than you know.
This is you ex lashing out and justifying her actions to herself. As for her telling tales to people, anyone with any life experience knows there's 2 sides to every story.