Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[anjelikaferrett]

I feel like my 14 year old daughter has kicked me in the balls today as my divorce from her mother continues.
She said " the tv in your flat is rubbish " Its just freeview . "The shower is rubbish." It's a normal everyday shower.
She also said the sofa and her bed are uncomfortable and that she was staying with her grandparents this weekend instead.
I just feel like giving up with her now.
She then also accused me of upsetting her mother through email by saying her mother was abandoning her and going on the beer which is just a lie.
Life is just crap.

She's 14. They are full of raging hormones. She is still a child though and what is happening between you and her Mum must be affecting her as well. She might be feeling insecure or uncertain about her future. She probably doesn't know how to express her thoughts about it, other than by being obnoxious and criticising everything - because that's what teenagers do!. She probably doesn't mean any of it. Don't expect measured adult responses from her.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

It’s easy me saying this but, first things first, try not to worry, there are plenty of opportunities around right now and I’m sure with 8 years solid work at one company behind you, you’ll be snapped up in no time. Stay positive, keep looking at the job boards daily and keep applying. Get your profile on LinkedIn updated and draft a list of companies you’d like to join, perhaps even send them a direct letter with your CV.

Chances are, if the company have announced (even informally via senior management) that redundancies are possible then they are almost certain and it’s simply a matter of time. Most businesses make this announcement to give staff the opportunity to leave of their own accord rather than being made redundant, which is generally much easier for both parties. If the company were confident of avoiding redundancies, they wouldn’t tell you that they were possible as they wouldn’t want staff to panic and leave when the business is already vulnerable.

In terms of how to approach any new job, it depends on the kind of business and environment you’re joining but in most cases new jobs can be really exciting. A whole new team to work with, potentially better earning / learning / promotion prospects. Take it one step at a time, let’s get you some interviews lined up 1st. Have confidence in your own ability at your job - you must be more than competent if the company have sought to keep you on board for the best part of a decade. Other businesses will desperately need your skills and experience and you could find yourself in a much stronger, happier position in the not too distant future.

or to avoid having to pay any redundancy money to you!

 

[Deleted member 38674]

or to avoid having to pay any redundancy money to you!

Well yes, that too, possibly. Many businesses don’t want to make these redundancies for emotional reasons too.

If you’ve worked for a business for 8 years can leave before you need to be made redundant then i’d say that’s better for all parties concerned.

Not everyone agrees with that, for me I’d rather maintain my pride and relationships and leave on my terms, when I see fit after i’ve found the right opportunity. Rather that than be one of the last forced out of a sinking ship, when the environment is utterly toxic and you never know when the bullet is coming - I’m not sure any redundancy fee is worth that.

I appreciate not everyone gets the choice, but if you do, i’d certainly opt for the former.

 

[Deleted member 38674]

I feel like my 14 year old daughter has kicked me in the balls today as my divorce from her mother continues.
She said " the tv in your flat is rubbish " Its just freeview . "The shower is rubbish." It's a normal everyday shower.
She also said the sofa and her bed are uncomfortable and that she was staying with her grandparents this weekend instead.
I just feel like giving up with her now.
She then also accused me of upsetting her mother through email by saying her mother was abandoning her and going on the beer which is just a lie.
Life is just crap.

Don’t give up on her mate. 14 year old girls are often as argumentative, insensitive, irrational and petty as it comes!

She just needs that unconditional love and support. It’s one of the hardest things in the world but you have to stand back, let them choose their own path (they will anyway, irrespective of any advice or rules you put in place!) and resist the temptation to say “I told you so” when it all goes pete tong. She needs to know that her Dad will always be there for her with his naff TV and a cuddle when it matters!

It’s a difficult time for you and her Mum and, consequently, a difficult time for her too. Resist slating her Mum in front of her, give her space but let her know you love her. That affection is so important during seperation and change - she needs to know that nothing has really changed how you both feel about her.

 

[Nymzee]

It’s easy me saying this but, first things first, try not to worry, there are plenty of opportunities around right now and I’m sure with 8 years solid work at one company behind you, you’ll be snapped up in no time. Stay positive, keep looking at the job boards daily and keep applying. Get your profile on LinkedIn updated and draft a list of companies you’d like to join, perhaps even send them a direct letter with your CV.

Chances are, if the company have announced (even informally via senior management) that redundancies are possible then they are almost certain and it’s simply a matter of time. Most businesses make this announcement to give staff the opportunity to leave of their own accord rather than being made redundant, which is generally much easier for both parties. If the company were confident of avoiding redundancies, they wouldn’t tell you that they were possible as they wouldn’t want staff to panic and leave when the business is already vulnerable.

In terms of how to approach any new job, it depends on the kind of business and environment you’re joining but in most cases new jobs can be really exciting. A whole new team to work with, potentially better earning / learning / promotion prospects. Take it one step at a time, let’s get you some interviews lined up 1st. Have confidence in your own ability at your job - you must be more than competent if the company have sought to keep you on board for the best part of a decade. Other businesses will desperately need your skills and experience and you could find yourself in a much stronger, happier position in the not too distant future.

Well someone got sacked on the phone yesterday so it’s definitely happening. There’s only me and another lad in my role and he's agency whereas I’m staff so I know I’m not first to go there. I know it would cost the company a lot to get rid of a lot of staff people like myself.

I’ve uploaded my CV onto CV Library and got in touch with a few local recruiters so I’m on the path.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Well someone got sacked on the phone yesterday so it’s definitely happening. There’s only me and another lad in my role and he's agency whereas I’m staff so I know I’m not first to go there. I know it would cost the company a lot to get rid of a lot of staff people like myself.

I’ve uploaded my CV onto CV Library and got in touch with a few local recruiters so I’m on the path.

After 8 years your redundancy would be pretty decent, financially you probably don't need to worry too much. Losing your job is a rollercoaster (and probably a lot worse if you actually liked it). When I got fired last year it was terrifying, a total relief, made me really sad and really happy all at the same time. I had time on my hands and no commute for the first time in 15 years, the settlement meant I didn't have to immediately look for anything I was as free as a grown up can be!

 

[Deleted member 28206]

Well someone got sacked on the phone yesterday so it’s definitely happening. There’s only me and another lad in my role and he's agency whereas I’m staff so I know I’m not first to go there. I know it would cost the company a lot to get rid of a lot of staff people like myself.

I’ve uploaded my CV onto CV Library and got in touch with a few local recruiters so I’m on the path.

Good luck mate. Get on LinkedIN. You can activate a setting that lets recruiters know you are looking without letting anyone know.

LinkedIn Open to Work: Meaning & How to Use

Our hiring expert gives advice on how to use LinkedIn Open To Work feature. Get insight into what it means, and how you should use it.

careersidekick.com

 

[efcforever]

Suffering my worst spiral for ages.

This week has been fine, good even, there's been no issues or carry over from last week so I felt no need to post anything. That all changed an hour or so ago.

Was processing an order, it confused me a tiny bit, wasnt sure who to tag on an email to send it too. Called my superior to ask her (the order had her name on) and she told me it's not her who was dealing with it. Called the correct person but the line was engaged. I looked at my screen and saw only certain people mentioned on the order form so rather than wait I thought I'd just send it over and if something was amiss they'd inform and I'd amend it swiftly, it was no big thing.

A few minutes later a colleague emails me basically telling it me it was wrong and it was being passed back. The email itself, to me at least, came across as a tad condescending ("you need to read things more carefully"). A few minutes later the said superior sends an email to me as well, this one quite long, and it was more or less the same. "We expect errors like this during training but not at this point".

It all P'd me off to no end. Like actually steaming mad, even worse than last week. I was so fuming I didnt even reply to their emails, I just sat in utter silence for the final half hour or so before we all finished. When home time came I quickly scuttled out and barely said bye.

I feel so, so negative. A mixture of anger/sadness. All the signals in my head only point to this all only ending one way and to be honest if I hadnt paid my course fees already for the counselling at a place very close by I would seriously give consideration about whether I should look elsewhere. Tonight is going to be very hard, tomorrow probably even worse when they bring the whole thing up (surely they will because I blanked their messages). The anger will come flooding back and it will take every bit of self control I have to not let rip and speak my mind but if I do that I'll be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I want to cry.

How you doing today mate?

I've been in this situation at work a few times. It's a horrible feeling. My personal theory judging by the manager's comment is that they got a telling off or similar, rather than swallow it they want to take it out on someone - s**t rolls downhill. Not saying this make a it ok of course.

 

[Deleted member 28206]

I feel like my 14 year old daughter has kicked me in the balls today as my divorce from her mother continues.
She said " the tv in your flat is rubbish " Its just freeview . "The shower is rubbish." It's a normal everyday shower.
She also said the sofa and her bed are uncomfortable and that she was staying with her grandparents this weekend instead.
I just feel like giving up with her now.
She then also accused me of upsetting her mother through email by saying her mother was abandoning her and going on the beer which is just a lie.
Life is just crap.

Hello mate as @anjelikaferrett points out, 14 year old kids have no filter remember haha, they literally open their mouths and let the words fall out. Try and ont be so sensitive to them - remember you're the grown up, believe me i know how hard raising a young girl can be. They are exposed to the instagram/Tik Tok world of immediate success and material items. I wouldn't change a thing and let her learn that owning the shiny devices isn't the key to happiness

I don't want to sound condescending as you know your own kids best, but a chat - eye to eye about how the world works may help ground her a bit better. Try and encourage her mum to back you up on it, as two of her parents agreeing on something with drown out any doubt.

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

Has anyone heard from @MrD ?

 

[EFCPaul]

Today has been okay so far, nothing about yesterday has come up and I've tried my best to crack on, thankfully there's been lots to do. Still think it's going to be brought up though and the thought of that conversation has me very worried. Currently having a very had anxiety attack because the senior staff are having a meeting where we know they go over the performance of every team member.

 

[COYBL25]

Today has been okay so far, nothing about yesterday has come up and I've tried my best to crack on, thankfully there's been lots to do. Still think it's going to be brought up though and the thought of that conversation has me very worried. Currently having a very had anxiety attack because the senior staff are having a meeting where we know they go over the performance of every team member.

How did you get on mate ?

 

[Riventi]

Dealing with Mental Health is a big part of my job, if anyone is low and needs someone to talk too just message me

 

[EFCPaul]

How did you get on mate ?

Nothing ultimately happened, they finished their meeting and everyone did their final bits before home time. Got to think if there was a serious problem they'd have said something to me, they took the time to call the other girl but not me.

My nerves are gone but I'm trying to convince myself I'm just completely overthinking it all because of anxiety. I love it there and I want more than anything to be the worker they need me to be. Hopefully they still have faith. Thanks for asking mate.

 

[COYBL25]

Nothing ultimately happened, they finished their meeting and everyone did their final bits before home time. Got to think if there was a serious problem they'd have said something to me, they took the time to call the other girl but not me.

My nerves are gone but I'm trying to convince myself I'm just completely overthinking it all because of anxiety. I love it there and I want more than anything to be the worker they need me to be. Hopefully they still have faith. Thanks for asking mate.

It`s only natural to think the worst mate, don`t beat yourself up over it