Suffering my worst spiral for ages.
This week has been fine, good even, there's been no issues or carry over from last week so I felt no need to post anything. That all changed an hour or so ago.
Was processing an order, it confused me a tiny bit, wasnt sure who to tag on an email to send it too. Called my superior to ask her (the order had her name on) and she told me it's not her who was dealing with it. Called the correct person but the line was engaged. I looked at my screen and saw only certain people mentioned on the order form so rather than wait I thought I'd just send it over and if something was amiss they'd inform and I'd amend it swiftly, it was no big thing.
A few minutes later a colleague emails me basically telling it me it was wrong and it was being passed back. The email itself, to me at least, came across as a tad condescending ("you need to read things more carefully"). A few minutes later the said superior sends an email to me as well, this one quite long, and it was more or less the same. "We expect errors like this during training but not at this point".
It all P'd me off to no end. Like actually steaming mad, even worse than last week. I was so fuming I didnt even reply to their emails, I just sat in utter silence for the final half hour or so before we all finished. When home time came I quickly scuttled out and barely said bye.
I feel so, so negative. A mixture of anger/sadness. All the signals in my head only point to this all only ending one way and to be honest if I hadnt paid my course fees already for the counselling at a place very close by I would seriously give consideration about whether I should look elsewhere. Tonight is going to be very hard, tomorrow probably even worse when they bring the whole thing up (surely they will because I blanked their messages). The anger will come flooding back and it will take every bit of self control I have to not let rip and speak my mind but if I do that I'll be cutting off my nose to spite my face.
I want to cry.
careersidekick.com
