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Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

COYBL25 said:
From what you're saying there, a few of things jump out immediately.

You're living somewhere out of the way, in the back of beyond, you've become socially isolated as a result and you're listening to a lot of Joy Division ?.

Without being preachy, those three things put together would bring most people down and if you weren't well to start with, make things much worse.

Is there any chance of going to stay somewhere a bit more vibrant and less isolated, which in turn may increase the likelihood of meeting people who share common interests - Joy Divison for instance ?.

I have a good mate who is a Communtity Pyschiatric nurse in a part of rural England and from what he tells me isolation and lack of anything to do / work are amongst the leading causes of depression in areas like this .
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I just want to extend my gratitude everyone for responding to post, I'm just in that over scrutinizing state
where everything is amplified towards a negative state. So when I saw there were no responses I felt I
was rebuffed which obviously wasn't accurate.

Yeah after a series of disastrous setbacks I've found myself in a backwards and rustic town, I've been attempting to work a local menial job so I can accrue the funds to relocate to an area, that's able to provide a more diverse cultural scene with individuals who possess similar tastes. But i feel so overwhelmed and even trapped in my current circumstances.

Yeah listening to Joy Division isn't really conducive to constructing a healthy mental landscape but i guess where i'm at mentally drew me to even further in the last couple of months truly basking in the despair. But you definitely make a sound point as environment shapes your well being even musically. I actually met a girl online a hour away who had similar tastes, musical and otherwise, but after an enjoyable encounter she made it clear she was only interested in a casual interaction. This rejection has even further fueled my discontent. I'm just longing for satisfying human interaction yet feel so unworthy of the world around me.
 
Ashtonian said:
Right mate. Had to break your post down a little bit as it was a little hard to read but i have had a read through the post now.

Is it ok if i ask you some questions? The best way me or anyone else can help is if we understand a little better as again the wording of the original post was a little strange. Right, ok, i'll begin.

1. If you don't mind me asking, what is your mental trauma? If not to tell me directly, what sort of area is it in regards to?

2. You say you feel like you are decomposing, what do you spend your time doing to feel like that? what is a normal day for you and more importantly what is your normal day in your own time?

3. Why do you feel you cannot find someone to socialise with? I can understand the other part of it, but why do you feel there is no-one of substance to socialise with?

4. the next part i thought read a little like the rolling stones song paint it black! Again if you don't mind me asking, why is joy division and these impulses connected? I can understand the again mention of negative thoughts about yourself but if you can elaborate a little more on why joy division and dark impulses are being connected in your head then it will allow me to understand you a little better.

5. Your post is not grating and certainly as repeated many times we are all happy to help/listen or give advice


don't take the tone of my reply to be anything other than positive. I ask you these questions because i want to understand you a little better rather than blindly offer any advice that may be irrelevant to your situation or feelings. the way i read your post has given me an idea but yeah, if you want to reply to me then great, i will look forward to your reply mate and hopefully be able to offer some sort of positive advice for you. If you want to ignore me or see my reply as something else then fair enough again.
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Haha sorry about my writing it can be a little cryptic at times
1. Basically my trauma is a debilitating depression with elements of obsessive traits which has begun to affect my cognition and clarity of thoughts, even manifesting in physical pain. Cannot spend one day without agonizing over the past.

2.My days are filled with endless ruminations on the perceived futility of my life, i try to occupy it with a basic part time job and take frequent strolls. II even attempt to read and study for GRES - I don't know if you guys have them in England but they're a test for masters levels classes. But with my mind being so chaotic it becomes challenging to engage my mind so i'll end up vegging out a lot

3. Where i'm currently residing the area is a very rural former coal town where the locals are not limited in their tastes. Also i'm just finding difficult to find people i find interesting in general and when I do i feel inadequate.

4. For me it's a connection to ian curtis and his bleak outlook especially with the actions he committed. Also just the atmosphere they create seems to align where i feel currently. Another reason i'm so enamored by ian curtis is that he experienced seizures which for the last couple of months i've been dealing with them as well.

5. Thanks for your willingness to listen it's quite meaningful
 
Goonymook said:
Haha sorry about my writing it can be a little cryptic at times
1. Basically my trauma is a debilitating depression with elements of obsessive traits which has begun to affect my cognition and clarity of thoughts, even manifesting in physical pain. Cannot spend one day without agonizing over the past.

2.My days are filled with endless ruminations on the perceived futility of my life, i try to occupy it with a basic part time job and take frequent strolls. II even attempt to read and study for GRES - I don't know if you guys have them in England but they're a test for masters levels classes. But with my mind being so chaotic it becomes challenging to engage my mind so i'll end up vegging out a lot

3. Where i'm currently residing the area is a very rural former coal town where the locals are not limited in their tastes. Also i'm just finding difficult to find people i find interesting in general and when I do i feel inadequate.

4. For me it's a connection to ian curtis and his bleak outlook especially with the actions he committed. Also just the atmosphere they create seems to align where i feel currently. Another reason i'm so enamored by ian curtis is that he experienced seizures which for the last couple of months i've been dealing with them as well.

5. Thanks for your willingness to listen it's quite meaningful
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The first thing that stands out for me from your words is that you have self esteem issues. Whether they are physical mental or a combination of the two, that seems to be a massive hang up you have. You seem to dwell far too much on this and as a result, you convince yourself you have less worth . I get thst impression from you saying about meeting someone else and through other interactions. The best thing I can offer towards that is to stop dwelling on you. If you perceive yourself negatively then you will always come off as that. without knowing you, I know that won't be the case. You strike me as quirky, different to others, that is why you feel you struggle to find friendships easy. The issue being in that one location will make that difficult, it isn't an issue. To be perfectly honest mate , people seem to have an issue with me sometimes. I am the nicest guy you could meet to be honest, yet sometimes people just choose to have a bad impression of me. The world is a big place and just because people around you now are not your type it doesn't mean it is a negative on you personally. I mean my friends are massive stoners, I am a family man. Yet all these years later those are the people that stayed close to me when 'more my type' didn't bother to keep in touch.

The Ian Curtis thing I will be blunt in what I say. You are idolising the negatives in someone just because they are famous. It happens, far more than people realise. What you feel and what goes through your head is resonating with that music and as a result deep down you are interpreting the bad as something good, and finding comfort in that. To be blunt, you need to stop doing that because it won't end up positively whatsoever. The more you dwell negatively the more it will overwhelm you, and listening to what you are perceiving to relate to you it will only deepen the issue. What other music do you like?

To me from what it sounds a little like you have developed a little bit of ocd which again is perfectly natural. Either that or touching on autism but that is probably wide of the mark to be honest. Either way these obsessive traits to me sound like you are focusing on certain things to focus your mind. Does that sound anywhere near possible? what sorts of things do you obsess over? how do you mean physical pain? and where you say you agonise over the past , what do you mean by that?

From what you say about trying to take your mind off it through reading and walking. The impression I get is that you are purposely doing that and as a result you are focusing on the reasons why you are doing that. In terms of your mind being chaotic, again if you don't mind me asking, what do you think about so much? rather than keep them in your head, what sorts of things is it that is such a weight inside of you? perhaps even explaining them to me might help to at least out pour them? I can possibly offer opinion then from that.


As I will always say mate, I type from my head so none of what I write is designed to be intrusive or rude or offensive. right now I am genuinely interested and would like to help, and more importantly listen. Again if you don't mind me asking , what asking re your interests? what sort of things do you like? types of music ? leisurely activities?

And I will offer this on a personal level to you , as well as anyone else. feel free to pm me if you ever want someone to chat with. Genuinely happy to do thst, away from public viewing or away from avatars and usernames, if you ever want to chat with someone just on a person to person basis then feel free to message me any time and unless it's in the.idle of the night here, you will always get a response.
 
Goonymook said:
I just want to extend my gratitude everyone for responding to post, I'm just in that over scrutinizing state
where everything is amplified towards a negative state. So when I saw there were no responses I felt I
was rebuffed which obviously wasn't accurate.

Yeah after a series of disastrous setbacks I've found myself in a backwards and rustic town, I've been attempting to work a local menial job so I can accrue the funds to relocate to an area, that's able to provide a more diverse cultural scene with individuals who possess similar tastes. But i feel so overwhelmed and even trapped in my current circumstances.

Yeah listening to Joy Division isn't really conducive to constructing a healthy mental landscape but i guess where i'm at mentally drew me to even further in the last couple of months truly basking in the despair. But you definitely make a sound point as environment shapes your well being even musically. I actually met a girl online a hour away who had similar tastes, musical and otherwise, but after an enjoyable encounter she made it clear she was only interested in a casual interaction. This rejection has even further fueled my discontent. I'm just longing for satisfying human interaction yet feel so unworthy of the world around me.
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You don't mention whether you've had any counselling ?.

Your posts are very eloquent and expressive, which would of enormous benefit to a councillor
 

Just thought I'd call in. Feel like I'm losiing a very dark battle and I'm decomposing around me it's a horrid thought and feeling to be going through.

Remember 1=20
 

Bryan said:
Just thought I'd call in. Feel like I'm losiing a very dark battle and I'm decomposing around me it's a horrid thought and feeling to be going through.

Remember 1=20
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear mate , but you can and will get through this, you say you're still fighting that's so positive and important,if it makes you feel better keep posting throughout and you will receive support on here as you climb towards feeling better and you will get there with your spirit.







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