Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[efcforever]

Does anybody have any experience / knowledge of social anxiety?

I'm really struggling with it at the moment and it's ruining my career / social / relationships. It feels as though somebody has a gun to my head, the whole time I'm in other peoples presence. Continual fight or flight mode, it's exhausting!

Thanks (will read in the morning)

Hi mate. I suffer from social anxiety. If I know I have a social event coming up I get more and more anxious as it gets closer. I've managed to attend a few gatherings over the last few months but it hasn't been easy. I often end up having anxiety attacks on the actual day and cancel at the last minute. I can't even explain what it is that bothers me so much about social events.

I had counselling last year and it has really helped. It helped me examine the roots of my anxiety and challenge it. More importantly it greatly improved my perception of myself.

Any questions you have or anything you want to talk about just let me know.

 

[Jacob]

Does anybody have any experience / knowledge of social anxiety?

I'm really struggling with it at the moment and it's ruining my career / social / relationships. It feels as though somebody has a gun to my head, the whole time I'm in other peoples presence. Continual fight or flight mode, it's exhausting!

Thanks (will read in the morning)

Its a situation often covered up by lots of people... so well done in actually acknowledging your feelings regarding this. How long have you felt like this...and what were you like before it started ?
It can often result from when you are subject to negative reactions from people...not listening to you...disregarding your opinions...to people actually going out of their way to put you down. Self preservation can even involve you withdrawing from situations which set it off (or which you fear will set it off)....then it snowballs. Have you opened up to someone close or a family member about it ?

 

[ToffeeSwiss]

Does anybody have any experience / knowledge of social anxiety?

I'm really struggling with it at the moment and it's ruining my career / social / relationships. It feels as though somebody has a gun to my head, the whole time I'm in other peoples presence. Continual fight or flight mode, it's exhausting!

Thanks (will read in the morning)

I suffer from social anxiety.

The most important thing to do is to expose yourself to situations you feel uncomfortable in. For you it will probably be social gatherings (In my case it is to use public tranpsort etc.). Try to not stay at home and get out of your comfort zone.

In my case sport helps my state of mind. Furthermore I take antidepressiva and I am in therapy. It helps to have someone to talk to.

You can always write me a message

 

[larbert toffee]

Does anybody have any experience / knowledge of social anxiety?

I'm really struggling with it at the moment and it's ruining my career / social / relationships. It feels as though somebody has a gun to my head, the whole time I'm in other peoples presence. Continual fight or flight mode, it's exhausting!

Thanks (will read in the morning)

Don't know if this may help, Rhod Gilbert (Not a massive fan of his TBH)has surprisingly suffered from extreme shyness since childhood (I guess it is closely linked with social anxiety) and talks about it with fellow sufferers in a new programme, detail here:

http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2018/01/22/38941
/rhod_gilbert%3A_my_battle_with_crippling_shyness

 

[efcforever]

Been doing well recently but had an anxiety attack at work earlier. Now feeling quite anxious and can't think straight.

The team I work on seems to be a bit judgemental and people often get involved with things that really aren't any of their business. People are often criticised when they aren't present to defend themselves.

There was an incident earlier today were a few people seemed to turn on me. I actually stood up for myself (which people aren't used to).

Following that I didn't want to leave work as I was concerned about what might be said about me after I left. Now I'm quite nervous about going back in tomorrow.

I know alot of this is probably the anxiety talking and it is likely the incident will be forgotten by tomorrow. Just can't stand this judgemental environment. Ironically the other day we were casually discussing mental illness and got told to pipe down as according to them I've never had a mental illness lol.

 

[COYBL25]

Been doing well recently but had an anxiety attack at work earlier. Now feeling quite anxious and can't think straight.

The team I work on seems to be a bit judgemental and people often get involved with things that really aren't any of their business. People are often criticised when they aren't present to defend themselves.

There was an incident earlier today were a few people seemed to turn on me. I actually stood up for myself (which people aren't used to).

Following that I didn't want to leave work as I was concerned about what might be said about me after I left. Now I'm quite nervous about going back in tomorrow.

I know alot of this is probably the anxiety talking and it is likely the incident will be forgotten by tomorrow. Just can't stand this judgemental environment. Ironically the other day we were casually discussing mental illness and got told to pipe down as according to them I've never had a mental illness lol.

It`s office politics mate, you`re never going to escape it wherever you work.

I was once told by someone that mental illness was graded on a spectrum - I had to bite my lip too lol

 

[efcforever]

It`s office politics mate, you`re never going to escape it wherever you work.

I was once told by someone that mental illness was graded on a spectrum - I had to bite my lip too lol

You're right mate. I guess today was just my turn to get the brunt of it. Tomorrow it will be someone else's turn I imagine.

It's just so frustrating and the team leader allows it all to happen because they want to be popular with the rest of the team. I remember the week before Xmas there was someone off sick and his name was mud for a few days. Ofcourse when he came back in they were his best mate again.

 

[Mosh Pit]

CBT can normally be a great help to those that suffer from Social Anxiety mate.

Your GP is your best bet for getting the ball rolling, but it may take a while, due to waiting times etc.

From what I`ve read, Social Anxiety is one of the most common forms of anxiety, so there should be plenty of stuff out there to help you and give guidance

Thanks mate

Hi mate, I have a mild form of it and agree with @COYBL25 that counselling is really helpful to challenge any beliefs that are causing the anxiety (I usually find that my anxiety-causing beliefs are a load of BS made up by myself and realising that is really helpful because it shows me that I don't have to believe every thought that enters my head).

As you said there are lots of info sources online. Personally I find the Comfort Zone Crusher website and Youtube channel helpful but it's not for everyone. It deals a lot with exposing yourself to anxiety-causing situations with the purpose of reducing the anxiety, but there are also videos with relaxation techniques to use when socialising as well as other bits and pieces.

Yeah, just trying to piece it all together and seeing what the most effective solutions are for me.

Hi mate. I suffer from social anxiety. If I know I have a social event coming up I get more and more anxious as it gets closer. I've managed to attend a few gatherings over the last few months but it hasn't been easy. I often end up having anxiety attacks on the actual day and cancel at the last minute. I can't even explain what it is that bothers me so much about social events.

I had counselling last year and it has really helped. It helped me examine the roots of my anxiety and challenge it. More importantly it greatly improved my perception of myself.

Any questions you have or anything you want to talk about just let me know.

Great, thanks for sharing! I'll definitely have to pursue counselling.

Its a situation often covered up by lots of people... so well done in actually acknowledging your feelings regarding this. How long have you felt like this...and what were you like before it started ?
It can often result from when you are subject to negative reactions from people...not listening to you...disregarding your opinions...to people actually going out of their way to put you down. Self preservation can even involve you withdrawing from situations which set it off (or which you fear will set it off)....then it snowballs. Have you opened up to someone close or a family member about it ?

It's happened over the last few years. It just came out of knowhere and then suddenly became a big problem. I've always been fearless, confident, so it's been a big turn around.

I haven't really opened up to a close relative. I think i'm going to pursue counselling.

I suffer from social anxiety.

The most important thing to do is to expose yourself to situations you feel uncomfortable in. For you it will probably be social gatherings (In my case it is to use public tranpsort etc.). Try to not stay at home and get out of your comfort zone.

In my case sport helps my state of mind. Furthermore I take antidepressiva and I am in therapy. It helps to have someone to talk to.

You can always write me a message

Thanks mate. I definitely agree. This week on a staff night out it was torture! However the next day in work i felt so much more at ease compared to previous days in work, because i'd experienced something worse which then changed my everyday (if that makes sense).

Don't know if this may help, Rhod Gilbert (Not a massive fan of his TBH)has surprisingly suffered from extreme shyness since childhood (I guess it is closely linked with social anxiety) and talks about it with fellow sufferers in a new programme, detail here:

http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2018/01/22/38941
/rhod_gilbert%3A_my_battle_with_crippling_shyness

Will check it out, thanks!

 

[matchworks]

Thanks mate



Yeah, just trying to piece it all together and seeing what the most effective solutions are for me.



Great, thanks for sharing! I'll definitely have to pursue counselling.



It's happened over the last few years. It just came out of knowhere and then suddenly became a big problem. I've always been fearless, confident, so it's been a big turn around.

I haven't really opened up to a close relative. I think i'm going to pursue counselling.



Thanks mate. I definitely agree. This week on a staff night out it was torture! However the next day in work i felt so much more at ease compared to previous days in work, because i'd experienced something worse which then changed my everyday (if that makes sense).



Will check it out, thanks!

Counselling really helped me. The mechanics of the brain and how it can be a vicious thing were explained to me, as were the tricks to retraining the brain when you recognise the symptoms of an oncoming episode. Get onto it a.s.a.p as resources ain't what they should be.

 

[EFCPaul]

You're right mate. I guess today was just my turn to get the brunt of it. Tomorrow it will be someone else's turn I imagine.

It's just so frustrating and the team leader allows it all to happen because they want to be popular with the rest of the team. I remember the week before Xmas there was someone off sick and his name was mud for a few days. Ofcourse when he came back in they were his best mate again.

We're in similar predicaments by the sounds of it mate. Office politics are just the worst because people spend so many hours of the day in each other's space that tension between people is unavoidable.

My office has a few VERY two-faced people in it and I see it first hand. There's a girl whom no one likes (not the one I had trouble with) because she's generally a job's worth and a bit of a snoop. I sit directly opposite her and she's definitely not my cup of tea but I don't like it when people gossip about her when she's not there. Several colleagues whom I work later with are extremely pally to her face, asking her all about her social life, then rip her to shreds about it later when she goes home. Everything from her boyfriend to her hobbies. It makes me shake my head and I don't join in, least not when they're ripping her about her personal life. I got a shock when it first started and it made me think "God what do they say about me when I'm not there?"

They probably do slaughter me as well, especially since I had those problems with their mate. Yet whilst we're working and sitting close proximity they're nice as pie so I just act nice back but I'm not daft, it's the whole reason I give very little about myself away to them. To use a slightly odd metaphor, I'm not giving people darts they can throw at my picture.

Best thing I can suggest is don't join in when they start ripping into someone, in fact keep quiet entirely, that way they know you're not game for that and will stop doing it when you're around. And in regards to being worried about what's said about you when you're not around, just always remind yourself that as long as you're a friendly, honest and professional person then the good people you meet will realise that any crap they've heard said about you from other people can't be true.

 

[the golden visionary]

Been doing well recently but had an anxiety attack at work earlier. Now feeling quite anxious and can't think straight.

The team I work on seems to be a bit judgemental and people often get involved with things that really aren't any of their business. People are often criticised when they aren't present to defend themselves.

There was an incident earlier today were a few people seemed to turn on me. I actually stood up for myself (which people aren't used to).

Following that I didn't want to leave work as I was concerned about what might be said about me after I left. Now I'm quite nervous about going back in tomorrow.

I know alot of this is probably the anxiety talking and it is likely the incident will be forgotten by tomorrow. Just can't stand this judgemental environment. Ironically the other day we were casually discussing mental illness and got told to pipe down as according to them I've never had a mental illness lol.

Any opinion that's said behind your back is worthless, unjustified criticism is only spouted by those who are insecure about their own lives so deflect attention elsewhere

If you look back at your role in the situation and are happy that your actions measured up to be moral and within your principles, go with that and treat the other opinions as what they truly are, worthless opinion.

 

[COYBL25]

We're in similar predicaments by the sounds of it mate. Office politics are just the worst because people spend so many hours of the day in each other's space that tension between people is unavoidable.

My office has a few VERY two-faced people in it and I see it first hand. There's a girl whom no one likes (not the one I had trouble with) because she's generally a job's worth and a bit of a snoop. I sit directly opposite her and she's definitely not my cup of tea but I don't like it when people gossip about her when she's not there. Several colleagues whom I work later with are extremely pally to her face, asking her all about her social life, then rip her to shreds about it later when she goes home. Everything from her boyfriend to her hobbies. It makes me shake my head and I don't join in, least not when they're ripping her about her personal life. I got a shock when it first started and it made me think "God what do they say about me when I'm not there?"

They probably do slaughter me as well, especially since I had those problems with their mate. Yet whilst we're working and sitting close proximity they're nice as pie so I just act nice back but I'm not daft, it's the whole reason I give very little about myself away to them. To use a slightly odd metaphor, I'm not giving people darts they can throw at my picture.

Best thing I can suggest is don't join in when they start ripping into someone, in fact keep quiet entirely, that way they know you're not game for that and will stop doing it when you're around. And in regards to being worried about what's said about you when you're not around, just always remind yourself that as long as you're a friendly, honest and professional person then the good people you meet will realise that any crap they've heard said about you from other people can't be true.

They`re not happy with their own lives mate and the back biting and bitching are their own insecurities coming through.

I guarantee you, they have empty, shallow and unhappy lives at home.

People who are happy and content don`t behave like this, it really is as simple as that.

 

[efcforever]

Any opinion that's said behind your back is worthless, unjustified criticism is only spouted by those who are insecure about their own lives so deflect attention elsewhere

If you look back at your role in the situation and are happy that your actions measured up to be moral and within your principles, go with that and treat the other opinions as what they truly are, worthless opinion.

Very good advice thanks.

 

[efcforever]

We're in similar predicaments by the sounds of it mate. Office politics are just the worst because people spend so many hours of the day in each other's space that tension between people is unavoidable.

My office has a few VERY two-faced people in it and I see it first hand. There's a girl whom no one likes (not the one I had trouble with) because she's generally a job's worth and a bit of a snoop. I sit directly opposite her and she's definitely not my cup of tea but I don't like it when people gossip about her when she's not there. Several colleagues whom I work later with are extremely pally to her face, asking her all about her social life, then rip her to shreds about it later when she goes home. Everything from her boyfriend to her hobbies. It makes me shake my head and I don't join in, least not when they're ripping her about her personal life. I got a shock when it first started and it made me think "God what do they say about me when I'm not there?"

They probably do slaughter me as well, especially since I had those problems with their mate. Yet whilst we're working and sitting close proximity they're nice as pie so I just act nice back but I'm not daft, it's the whole reason I give very little about myself away to them. To use a slightly odd metaphor, I'm not giving people darts they can throw at my picture.

Best thing I can suggest is don't join in when they start ripping into someone, in fact keep quiet entirely, that way they know you're not game for that and will stop doing it when you're around. And in regards to being worried about what's said about you when you're not around, just always remind yourself that as long as you're a friendly, honest and professional person then the good people you meet will realise that any crap they've heard said about you from other people can't be true.

Thanks for the advice mate. The last few days at work have been much better.

There is one lady who gets alot of stick on our team. All said behind her back of course. I always stay out of it. I think it says alot about the people who do the gossiping.

How are you?

 

[EFCPaul]

Thanks for the advice mate. The last few days at work have been much better.

There is one lady who gets alot of stick on our team. All said behind her back of course. I always stay out of it. I think it says alot about the people who do the gossiping.

How are you?

I'm mostly okay mate, had a a bit of wobble the week before last but I've felt myself come back up again.

Work is still challenging, me and the woman I don't get along with still don't get along haha. In the office we get on with our work, I utterly blank her, she makes the odd snidey comment about me, that's how it is now. You can't get on with everyone, personalities and egos will always clash in an environment like an office where everyone is in close proximity to one another and having to grind away.

I can handle things how they are right now, her stupid comments now are giving away how dim and petty she actually is. Not reacting to her at all is only making her more frustrated I gather. But, if she revs it up anymore and starts saying the type of stuff she was a few weeks ago which was far worse, then she's going straight to disciplinary. Can't say any fairer than that. And anything she or others might say about me when I'm not around I can't do anything about no matter how much I think about it so there's no point thinking about it. As I said, just treat people how you'd like to be treated and the genuinely nice people who are worth talking too and getting to know will see for themselves that you're a good person too. Personally, I've never formed a bad opinion of someone purely based on the words of someone I already don't trust or like.