Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Winslow89]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

 

[paultheblue]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

It is hard mate I had 2 boys and a girl ,they always say that girls are the hardest and it certainly was for us.
Babies do cry a lot that's not your or your wife's fault so you shouldn't feel that you are doing something wrong.
You need a good support network around you (we didn't) from family and friends so that you are able find some time for you and your misses.
It will get better

 

[Bungle]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

It's a big adjustment, you go from being able to have time to do whatever you like and fairly limited responsibilities to a whole new level of responsibilities overnight, that coupled with the lack of sleep just burns your head out for a while but things settle down.

I remember our first one projectile vomiting all over the floor and as I was cleaning him up he fired a stream of crap all over the sofa as well, I just sat there thinking I'd rather be anywhere but there dealing with that, but it soon just becomes part of life and no big issue. It'll get easier and If anyone offers to give you a few hours off then accept them, I learnt the art of nodding off almost immediately as soon as a grandparent took them offer for a couple of hours.

You'll be fine mate, just support each other and don't fall out with your mrs, it's easily done when you're running on a couple of hours sleep but you're both in the same boat and don't beat yourself up if you haven't got all the answers, it's the ultimate learning on the job experience.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

I only have the one and I really struggled up until he was about 3/4 as im naturally not very good with that sort of thing lol

Worst is deffo the first few months I didn't have time/energy to train, barely had time to get jobs around the house done but you manage mate you just got to weather the storm as they say.

My missus on the other hand is boss with kids, she was a natural from day one and still is now tbh whereas I still aint the best at it all really - I take after my arl fella who worked away a lot when me and my siblings were growing up he was no natural when it came to child rearing.

 

[Winslow89]

Nice one lads - some great points in those posts.

It's also good to know other fellas struggle with it and its not just me with my head falling off. Thankfully sounds like things get better and these first few months are the toughest.

Really appreciate the replies there guys

 

[COYBL25]

Nice one lads - some great points in those posts.

It's also good to know other fellas struggle with it and its not just me with my head falling off. Thankfully sounds like things get better and these first few months are the toughest.

Really appreciate the replies there guys

My first lad, had chronic cholic for the first 6 mths mate.

I now know why, the armed forces use sleep deprivation as a form of torture !

Best piece of advice I ever received, was if someone offers you help / a break, grab it with both hands

 

[Spotty]

I only have the one and I really struggled up until he was about 3/4 as im naturally not very good with that sort of thing lol

Worst is deffo the first few months I didn't have time/energy to train, barely had time to get jobs around the house done but you manage mate you just got to weather the storm as they say.

My missus on the other hand is boss with kids, she was a natural from day one and still is now tbh whereas I still aint the best at it all really - I take after my arl fella who worked away a lot when me and my siblings were growing up he was no natural when it came to child rearing.

My good old mum was a diamond when explaining things. Babies can't tell you they are hungry, thirsty, hot or bored and lonely.The only way they can communicate their needs is to cry so it's trial and error as wise folk have said. Don't be too hard on yourself. Never spoken to many people about this experience. When my boy was brand new, his mum was out shopping so I had him. I fed him cud DC led and nursed him gave him grout water and changed him. Nothing worked he screamed and screamed. I left him on the bed, shut the door, and let him scream. Suffice to say, my patience had run out. I was also angry - at my inneptitude - but thought I've got to leave him be. On reflection, I was a very naive, inexperienced dad and really wanted my sister's or my mum there with me. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's a learning curve and my only advice bud is to accept the help and don't be afraid to leave your child in his room and give yourself a break if need be. Fatherhood / parenting is the most wonderful thing but it can be very very trying so cut yourself some slack. Take care and good luck.

 

[lancs blue]

As a dad of two, good luck

Advice is good but find out what works for you best. Agreed, take any offers of childcare. A childminder you can trust is gold.

Child locks/gates are something to think of when they're older having had my daughter sat there on the floor with a bottle of bleach in the kitchen. Luckily nothing consumed. They get everywhere

Make the most of it as they grow up fast. Take loads of photos to embarras them later

 

[Gwladysover]

" I'm antique...." taps nose knowingly " all round class act " ?

Wish we had more than a like emoji.?

 

[witchdoc187]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

All of this is completely normal. You'll adapt. It gets easier but with different challenges. And they become more and more lovable. For the first few months they want milk from their mum so dad kinda takes a back seat. But in terms of relationship with your other half. Well that's gonna be completely different forever. No doubt

 

[witchdoc187]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

Also don't beat yourself up mate. It's not easy. Just have patience. My little one cried relentlessly at first and we never knew why. But I put him on my shoulder and stood next to the shower, the water seemed to distract him and he stopped. Good luck mate. X

 

[coollino]

I've been meaning to drop a message in here over the past week but have only just had the time to write one up.

Has anyone ever dealt with the absolute mental madness that is becoming a Dad? (it's not exactly a rare occurrence so I'm hoping you'll all have some good opinions on this!).

We had our first (a boy), nearly a month ago. The adjustment has been tough but then I imagine it probably always is for first time parents. I think I've been through every emotion during the depths of mega sleep deprivation and I found it really tough to come to terms with the change.

I've had feelings of frustration and anger over why I can't figure out why he's crying / solve the crying quickly. I've had feelings of disappointment in myself for not fully knowing what I'm doing / feeling like I'm fully in over my head. I've also had those lower moments where I feel like life will never really be the same again (which I suppose has made me guilty for being someone so selfish that they'd think this way).

I think the whole thing can be really exacerbated by the lack of sleep and heading back to work. The guilt that I'm half arsing my job is also another one I'm carrying. But on the flipside, the little guy is awesome and I love him to bits. But mentally, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sunk to some difficult moments the past four weeks that worried me at times.

People make this thing look easy

It gets better and the people who make it look easy are lying. the first 3 months are probably the worst.

i don't know about you, but we don't really use social media, which i think made it much easier. there are some weird pressures on there.

the first 3 months are by far the worst, i read somewhere that humans are born three months too early and that makes sense. there isn't much point worrying about why they are crying etc at that age tho as by the time you have found out they have moved onto to something different. we were very lucky with sleep though as she slept pretty much through the night (other than feeds) since birth, that prob made a big difference

our girl is just under 2 and a half now and she is pretty much a person you can have a weird conversation with. she is great

you do start to get your life back too, or you at least meet in the middle as i guess it's never fully like before. i know a guy who became a dad a month ago and he has been out every friday night still, which blows my mind tbh

all that being said, i think we're happy with just one

 

[Spotty]

As a dad of two, good luck

Advice is good but find out what works for you best. Agreed, take any offers of childcare. A childminder you can trust is gold.

Child locks/gates are something to think of when they're older having had my daughter sat there on the floor with a bottle of bleach in the kitchen. Luckily nothing consumed. They get everywhere

Make the most of it as they grow up fast. Take loads of photos to embarras them later

" Embarrass them later...". When they were 18 and had their mates around for drinks, as you do. I'm a man sort of thing, me and mum brought down their " 18 Box ". Early pictures of school, school reports, pictures of " I luv mummy and daddy " pictures of them in a huff, you get the picture. Embarrassing yes, but me and mum showed him and his mates. As the missus said to REALLY enbarrass them " mummy's little soldier " ?

 

[COYBL25]

" Embarrass them later...". When they were 18 and had their mates around for drinks, as you do. I'm a man sort of thing, me and mum brought down their " 18 Box ". Early pictures of school, school reports, pictures of " I luv mummy and daddy " pictures of them in a huff, you get the picture. Embarrassing yes, but me and mum showed him and his mates. As the missus said to REALLY enbarrass them " mummy's little soldier " ?

The worst one of those, I`ve ever saw, was at a wedding reception.

The best man, with full permission, help from the bride and the grooms family , did a slide show, on a massive screen, of the groom as a child, using a whole pile of those terrible childhood embarrassing photos.

It was tremendous and he had no idea it was coming lol

 

[Gwladysover]

" Embarrass them later...". When they were 18 and had their mates around for drinks, as you do. I'm a man sort of thing, me and mum brought down their " 18 Box ". Early pictures of school, school reports, pictures of " I luv mummy and daddy " pictures of them in a huff, you get the picture. Embarrassing yes, but me and mum showed him and his mates. As the missus said to REALLY enbarrass them " mummy's little soldier " ?

“Embarrass them later” - I have posted this elsewhere in the past but I think it bears repeating. I took my new boyfriend home to meet my parents unannounced. I entered the living room to be confronted by my Dad sitting by the fire soaking his feet in a bowl of water.?. It didn’t put my boyfriend off though and we’ve been married 46 years! @Winslow89, I can’t speak from the perspective of being a new Dad but I echo everything that has been posted on here. Parenthood is a learning process, and you will learn what suits you and your baby and what is right for you. Take no notice of social media posts showing perfect families, perfect babies etc. they exist only for the camera. A neighbour once remarked to me “I always know when you are coming round the corner , I can hear your baby crying down the street!” Don’t know whether she was being nasty or just joking but I became convinced no other baby cried and certainly not as much as mine who could have cried for England. I really worried over this until my Dad (the aforementioned embarrassing parent) said “He won’t do it when he’s 21” which, at the time, I thought was a daft thing to say because of course he wouldn’t but in reality was just his way of telling me that the stages of baby/childhood are temporary and will pass. All the best to you and your family, make the most of these years, even the trying times, it’s a cliche but they really do pass in the blink of an eye.?