Divorce help

dave n said:
If she is pushing you to move out she has someone giving her advice.
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Without looking to turn the paranoia up, this someone might be a girl friend or a boy friend. I know someone that got shafted by his wife's new fella, he coached her like a conductor of an orchestra, and when his money had run out, the new fella was out of the door and onto his next victim.

Got to keep your cool, one slip is all she is looking for, then it's a well trodden path to frame you as some sort of coercive controller. I did like the gambling shout a few posts back. Has she been a lady of leisure for the marriage? This isn't me suggesting homemaker isn't a job of course, only that middle age, empty nest syndrome, a new squeeze, dissatisfaction with career choices, can all be a part in why things have all of a sudden turned sour.
 
Rita_Poon said:
Without looking to turn the paranoia up, this someone might be a girl friend or a boy friend. I know someone that got shafted by his wife's new fella, he coached her like a conductor of an orchestra, and when his money had run out, the new fella was out of the door and onto his next victim.

Got to keep your cool, one slip is all she is looking for, then it's a well trodden path to frame you as some sort of coercive controller. I did like the gambling shout a few posts back. Has she been a lady of leisure for the marriage? This isn't me suggesting homemaker isn't a job of course, only that middle age, empty nest syndrome, a new squeeze, dissatisfaction with career choices, can all be a part in why things have all of a sudden turned sour.
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I hadn’t thought of that. It’s possible I guess although I suspect it’s more likely a group of women giving her advice. She’s good at making herself seem like a victim even when the truth is the opposite. I suspect she’s pushing for a coercive controller type, cos she’s dropped in a few hints which didn’t make any sense at first, but the more she says them, the more I’m beginning to see the angle she’s pushing for. Which couldn’t be further from reality.
 
Little Ralphy said:
Anyone been through a divorce in the UK?

Where did you find help etc. I’ve seen a few sites but everything for men seems to ask for money upfront and everything for women is free!

It’s also mostly about getting access to the kids but I shouldn’t have an issue with that part hopefully.

Anyone who has been through it able to offer any guidance where I could find out information etc please? Or anyone get good help from somewhere and could point me in that direction?

Feels like the mrs is walking around the house with a calculator, threatening me with all sorts. All the financial burden appears to be on me. Is this always the case?
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I can’t offer any advice as I’ve never got married (surprise) but I just wanted to say well in for reaching out for advice. You’re a good example of what men should do more.

Horrible situation but hope it untangles for you and easier that you think mate, especially with the children. Go well.
 
Little Ralphy said:
Anyone been through a divorce in the UK?

Where did you find help etc. I’ve seen a few sites but everything for men seems to ask for money upfront and everything for women is free!

It’s also mostly about getting access to the kids but I shouldn’t have an issue with that part hopefully.

Anyone who has been through it able to offer any guidance where I could find out information etc please? Or anyone get good help from somewhere and could point me in that direction?

Feels like the mrs is walking around the house with a calculator, threatening me with all sorts. All the financial burden appears to be on me. Is this always the case?
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Im going through it now mate!!!!

Depending on what youve got regarding assets and stuff or if its just a standard divorce you want will depend on what solicitor you need.
 

Leylo said:
Haven't mate thank God..but watch mate all her mates and so forth will be giving info to leave you pottless.. keep your head up and be one step ahead. It's not always a bloke's fault..
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Thats shocking how can you go from being so in love with someone so much you marry them bare children for them to that.

Should always be considering on both sides out of respect for what once was no matter how pist of you are.
 
Little Ralphy said:
Anyone been through a divorce in the UK?
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Twice mate :blush: (Both entirely different experiences.)
My only advice is to TRY to keep it as ammicable as possible. No matter how unreasonable you feel she may be, make sure that you are not making unreasonable demands yourself. As angry and frustrated as you may be, try to remember that she will also be having the same feelings.
Not much help I know, but it's the best I've got. 🤷‍♂️
 

Total minefield mate.
Who filed for divorce and what reasons?
How old are your kids, as you’re both responsible financially until after further education?
Does your wife work?
How long have you been married as her if any entitlement who only be valid for those years?
The list is endless.
Firstly no knee jerk reactions from yourself and agree to give her anything without getting professional advice and stay in the house even though it will be difficult.
Let’s hope your kids give you support.
Good luck mate.
 
Little Ralphy said:
I hadn’t thought of that. It’s possible I guess although I suspect it’s more likely a group of women giving her advice. She’s good at making herself seem like a victim even when the truth is the opposite. I suspect she’s pushing for a coercive controller type, cos she’s dropped in a few hints which didn’t make any sense at first, but the more she says them, the more I’m beginning to see the angle she’s pushing for. Which couldn’t be further from reality.
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As others have said - document as much as possible in as detailed a way as you can.

If you haven't spoken to a lawyer you should do it as soon as you can.

I know it'll be tough, but try to keep emotion out of it as much as you can (a lawyer will help with that). If she's the one who has initiated the divorce, it's likely you are at very different emotional positions and if she's been thinking about this for a while, it'll be easier for her to process emotional decisions.

Fundamentally though a divorce should start at a 50/50 split of everything. That's the position you want to maintain (unless it's not practical).
 

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