Farting

[SundayMondayMagayeGueye]

Another was at my girlfriend's Mum's for Sunday lunch. Whilst watching an episode of columbo, I forgot where I was and relaxed perhaps a little bit too much. The resulting guff was so potent, I visibly saw my stomach strink upon its exit. When my girlfriends Mum reentered the room and got a lung full of the offending pong she said, 'my god, they must be burning turnips on the allotments again'. Great days!

 

[Sarnia Kevin]

I had to go for a colonoscopy a couple of months ago. To give them room to manouevre they pump a load of air into your guts to inflate them. It took a good hour in the recovery room to deflate myself, but the nurses are thankfully well used to it and it's odourless.
Fascinating experience though, seeing inside your lower intestines on a 40" colour TV lol

 

[Rita_Poon]

Hope the reason for the procedure was just precautionary. An hours deflation? Beats a harry styles album I suppose...

 

[Ducans elbow]

When I was a mailman I had to use the toilet in a daycare for a number 2,it was so bad the owner had to take the kids outside it was so whiffy , she told the parents the sewers had backed up

She told me the following day no more jobies in her daycare

 

[Connor mcloud]

Not farting as such, but a few years back I went to Benidorm with the lads for a few days and after a heavy session the night before we ended up in Tiki beach bar the next afternoon.
Well my guts kicked off and I was in the toilet dropping the lot, absolutely stank the place out.
There was no lock on the door and it was to far away for me to hold it shut properly,
I was sat there when the door opened slightly and this big black guys arm came around it and started spraying air freshener. Mortified

 

[Littlesue]

 

[PhilM]

Not a fart exactly, but many moons age I was getting into a girl I worked with. She was a few years older, but was fit as fluff and really experienced.

I was as proud as punch. That was until one day when I'd eaten a terrible chicken kebab from some dive in town washed down with a good few pints of ale.

Anyway, my bowls started to have violent twitches, and I scurried off to the work toilet as an explosive movement was trying to free itself from my sphincter.

After what can only be described as an explosion that would have set off some of US sonar nets out in the mid-Atlantic, I came out looking rather sheepish.

She was knocking it into the bin because of the toxic odour I'd left in the room as I dashed, with the additional scent coming out pushing her over the edge.

Saddam would have used it for a WMD if he'd had known. Sadly, I never got to goose her ever again as she said it was all unnatural and told me to k'off.

 

[Kurt.]

Not a fart of mine, but in my old job we had a store cupboard for files opposite our office, one day a female colleague and I were both in the store room/cupboard both looking for some paperwork and minding our own business when she suddenly piped up with “before you say anything, that fart wasn’t me” still makes me giggle at times

 

[Sporting Billy]

I find these days it’s eating chocolate that gets me going. Never used to be the case, but nowadays a standard bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk and half an hour later I’m like a steam train

 

[Kurt.]

I find these days it’s eating chocolate that gets me going. Never used to be the case, but a standard bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk and half an hour later I’m like a steam train

There’s an arse and a half in everyone

 

[Gwlacticos]

If my missus annoys me I simply drink a couple of bottles of Old Speckled Hen ale, then quietly release a number of warm farts throughout the night and carefully waft the duvet around. Fantastic.

 

[Joey66]

Started taking Omeprazole for acid reflux the other week and literally turned into a fart generator for a couple of days. That stuff is insane, must have farted about 200 times in a day (mostly loud rippers as well, although oddly scentless, like the polar opposite to 'silent but violent').

Too much info ?

Be careful with that tablet your only supposed to be on it short term iwas on it for 15 years to treat reflux & a burst duodenal ulcer - now have stomach Fundus polyps chronic. Diahorea plus bleeding from my stomach now need an operation to remove larger ones had biopes they are not cancerous, ut painful & I need an iron Infusion as I am totally anemic . Oh to have a far withouta follow through

 

[Rita_Poon]

erm, shizz just got real? What's the wait list like Nettles? @Joey66

 

[Joey66]

erm, shizz just got real? What's the wait list like Nettles? @Joey66

Seeing the top guy 25th of this month plus an iron infusion soon hopefully it's a simple procedure hopefully groit them then quaterised home in 2 hours sipping via a star for a week

 

[Rita_Poon]

Seeing the top guy 25th of this month plus an iron infusion soon hopefully it's a simple procedure hopefully groit them then quaterised home in 2 hours sipping via a star for a week

Pardon me, have you been at @Tommy Chong 's vino?
and hope all things go well.