Dear Barcelona,
First off, thanks for Digne. A proper player, with the backbone to persevere while others around him are stood there scratching their collective arses.
I'm beginning to see why Gomes didn't make it with you, and as for Mina, looks like you had our proverbial kecks down there you cheeky monkeys!
Any way, the real reason I'm writing is to enquire as to whether you have a half decent striker going spare. Preferably one who doesn't mind playing with little service, in a system that will isolate him/her for a considerable portion of the match.
I'm looking for a bargain, but I feel like you maybe owe us a favour given the sneaky way you activated Del boy's buy-back clause even though you had no intention of making him a Barca player.
I realise that this may leave you a little short squad-wise, but we're not, so win-win! I'm willing to let you have your pick of about 20 of our squad players for next to nothing. Anyway, let me know. Food for thought.
Yours always,
Jimmy.