summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce ?
Chicken sees a salad.
Chicken sees a salad.
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
Methuselah
Player Valuation: £35m
Guy got a puncture outside the lunatic asylum. Took the old wheel off, put the nuts in the hub cap then accidentally knocked the hub cap and the nuts went down the drain. He couldn't get them out and was scratching his head when a voice said 'having a problem'. He looked up and saw a man looking over the wall. He explained what had happened and the man said 'take one nut off each of the other wheels and put it on the replacement wheel, that will get you to a garage'. 'That's a really good idea, thank you. Are you a warden?' 'No, I'm an inmate said the man'. 'How can that be' the guy said, 'when you can come up with solutions like this'. The man behind the wall explained that he had been telling them for years that there was nothing wrong with him. He asked the guy if he would write a letter to the asylum authorities explaining how he had helped. 'Of course I will said the guy'. He put all his tools away in the boot and was just about to get back in the car when half a house brick hit him on the back of the head. 'You wont forget to send the letter will you' said the man.
Mick had an accident at work and had to phone home to tell his
“I’ve chopped off my finger” said mick
“The whole finger ?” She asked
‘“No” said mick.. “ the one next to it “
“I’ve chopped off my finger” said mick
“The whole finger ?” She asked
‘“No” said mick.. “ the one next to it “
chrismpw
Player Valuation: £70m
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
What do you call a girl who sets fire to her credit card statements ?
Bernadette.
Bernadette.
AndyC
Player Valuation: £70m
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.
Amy takes him down to the barn.
They walk along the row of cows, and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU know that this is the right
cow to be inseminated?"
"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s for you to hang your trousers on,” she replied.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.
Amy takes him down to the barn.
They walk along the row of cows, and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm dying to know. How would YOU know that this is the right
cow to be inseminated?"
"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s for you to hang your trousers on,” she replied.
Bluekahunaburgers
Player Valuation: £2.5m
What does the kinky frog say?
RUB IT
RUB IT
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
I had an argument with my friend about his small boat.
We fell out.
We fell out.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter ?
Irrelephant.
Irrelephant.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Congratulations A
Congratulations B
Congratulations C
It seems congratulations are in order.
Congratulations B
Congratulations C
It seems congratulations are in order.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
For Sale : broken quiz machine - no questions asked.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
"What do we want ?"
"A cure for paranoia"
"When do we want it ?"
"Who wants to know?"
"A cure for paranoia"
"When do we want it ?"
"Who wants to know?"
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Why are mountains so funny ?
Because they're hill areas.
Because they're hill areas.
