Jokes Thread

[summerisle]

This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with a guitar".
I retorted, "Is that a fret" ?

 

[Professor Toffee]

A new Zoo opened with only one animal......it was a shitzu

 

[summerisle]

An insect flew in to our kitchen last night, flew around and then exploded.
I think it was a jihadi long legs.

 

[summerisle]

What's blue and not very heavy ?
Light blue.

 

[deipnosophist]

This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with a guitar".
I retorted, "Is that a fret" ?

...he tried to pick a fight

but I turned the other cheek; it was just a strum in a teacup

 

[summerisle]

...he tried to pick a fight

but I turned the other cheek; it was just a strum in a teacup

We've got a booking at the Glasgow Empire, Tuesday night. On after The Mysterious Nicolo, the Necromantic Deceiver.
Star of the bill : Horror ! Horror ! Behold the Bottle Imp.

 

[deipnosophist]

We've got a booking at the Glasgow Empire, Tuesday night. On after The Mysterious Nicolo, the Necromantic Deceiver.
Star of the bill : Horror ! Horror ! Behold the Bottle Imp.

well, you know what they say : "a man's reach should exceed his grasp, otherwise what's a Heaven for?..."

 

[Dylan]

Don't cry 4-3 Argentina.

Finally!
@summerisle posts one that make me breathe slightly heavily.

 

[summerisle]

well, you know what they say : "a man's reach should exceed his grasp, otherwise what's a Heaven for?..."

Gis a clue.

 

[Professor Toffee]

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

 

[Lickle eric]

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?[/QUOTE

Does he shave every morning

 

[summerisle]

My dad always said, " The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more ".

Great bloke - - -

Terrible anaesthetist.

 

[summerisle]

Do you know who I blame for the rise of drugs in schools ?
The supply teachers.

 

[Kurt.]

Archeologists have found the ruins of an Alka-seltzer factory dating back to 50AD.
It was built by early settlers..

 

[.....!]

I've come back from a walk in the town and the streets were covered in blancmange and custard.

Yes, the streets were deserted.

I had a walk down the street and some bloke threw milk and cheese all over me. How dairy.