Jokes Thread

[bluejohn66]

Somebody loaned me a moody copy of that new Freddy Mercury Film.

It was really poor quality, when I put it on all I could see was....

A Little Silhouette Of A Man

 

[anton66]

My pet mouse, Elvis, died last night.
He was caught in a trap.

I think you should....return to sender.

 

[deipnosophist]

Paddy is on holiday and about to go to the beach, when his wife asks him if he has seen her flip flops.

Paddy says, "Jaysus, I hate it when you go topless."

I suspect Fatty Koeman wouldn't appreciate this joke...

 

[Rob17896]

I used to be in a band and we did a Gig for the homeless which was packed out.

It was nice to see so many bums on seats.

Now that is bad taste!

 

[Frang]

Now that is bad taste!

Mate??!? @Seathestars ????

 

[Seathestars]

Mate??!? @Seathestars ????

I thought it was quite funny myself.

 

[Dylan]

Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous. I see a lot of new faces today, and frankly I am disappointed.

 

[BigBlueConk]

My mate keeps sending me bird jokes.

Toucan play at that game.

 

[AndyC]

Picked up a hitch-hiker earlier today, seemed like a nice guy.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car was extremely unlikely.

He got out at the next set of lights.

 

[No8Bally]

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Nothing special- Just a woman parking in an automatic...

 

[summerisle]

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself - - -
I'm going to be thrown out of IKEA in a minute.

 

[Dylan]

V

*Edit - hmm...seems my control key is broken.

 

[Parker]

Watching porn can give kids a very unrealistic view of sex, I for instance, have always regretted becoming a washing machine repairman.

 

[Cels]

I hate my job as a waiter, but at least it puts food on the table.

 

[kev]

I hate my job as a waiter, but at least it puts food on the table.

Had a mate who circumcised elephants for a living. He said the wages were poor, but he got some massive tips.