summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Advent Calendars ?
Their days are numbered.
Their days are numbered.
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell
A Dell
canuckblue
Player Valuation: £50m
A couple decide to give up sex for Lent. All went well for the first 30 days or so, but it began to be a struggle. On the 35th day, as he watched his wife bend over the freezer, he couldn't resist any longer and ravaged her right then and there. He felt great, and so did she, but the supermarket manager wasn't pleased.
Methuselah
Player Valuation: £35m
I bought an advent calendar at a shop in Huyton. Six of the windows were boarded up.
A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because the waitresses were attractive the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they try Hurley’s in Rathmines because they had never been there before.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because the waitresses were attractive the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because there was plenty of parking, they
could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hurley’s in Rathmines because the restaurant was wheelchair
accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they try Hurley’s in Rathmines because they had never been there before.
They say, "I" before the "e" except after "c"... but this has been disproved by science.
LowerGwladysLad
Player Valuation: £750k
That's weird!
AndyC
Player Valuation: £70m
My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned... Couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it... it was a sew-sew job.
Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
And that's how I ended up writing match reports for @GrandOldTeam lollollollollollollol
Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it... it was a sew-sew job.
Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
And that's how I ended up writing match reports for @GrandOldTeam lollollollollollollol
There are actually more words that are the exception to the rule than there are words that meet the rule.
(That’s not a joke, just a piece of useless trivia)
I heard you were also a doctor, but didn't have the patience.
I worked in a mirror factory years ago . Didn’t think it was a good job at the time . But , upon reflection , it was
D
Deleted member 48881
Guest
My girlfriend told me she liked doggie style so after we had sex I rubbed her nose in the wet spot and yelled “NO!”
Doctor: *examining testicles* Everything seems normal here.
Me: Oh thank God. Now check mine.
Me: Oh thank God. Now check mine.
Employer: We have a companywide 401K.
Me: I don’t think I can run that far.
Me: I don’t think I can run that far.