He was born on St Steven’s day then?
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
A man and his girlfriend are getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes.
"What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said.
"Don't you mean Polio?"
"No, Tolio, it only affects the toes."
Not wanting to ruin the mood the girlfriend pulled down his pants and revealed a severely discolored pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles " the man replied.
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
Again, not wanting to ruin the mood, she continued and pulled down his boxers before starting to laugh. Before the man could ask what was wrong the woman wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Wait, let me guess.....Smallcox?"
The man took off his shoes and socks revealing feet with missing and deformed toes.
"What happened to your feet?" his girlfriend asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio " the man said.
"Don't you mean Polio?"
"No, Tolio, it only affects the toes."
Not wanting to ruin the mood the girlfriend pulled down his pants and revealed a severely discolored pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles " the man replied.
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
Again, not wanting to ruin the mood, she continued and pulled down his boxers before starting to laugh. Before the man could ask what was wrong the woman wiped a tear from her eye and said, "Wait, let me guess.....Smallcox?"
bluejohn66
Player Valuation: £15m
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
Judge - "First Offender?"
Woman - "No, first a Gibson, then a fender."
Judge - "First Offender?"
Woman - "No, first a Gibson, then a fender."
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Gwladysstreetlad
Player Valuation: £50m
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
Philw
Player Valuation: £50m
I got up this am - Drew the Curtains - thank god the rest of my furniture was real .......
Last edited:
I went to the Doctors told him I kept thinking I was a pair of Curtains- fgs he said pull yourself together.....
A prostitute at a busy night, when having a shower the following morning was horrified to notice she had a a vagina at the top of her left leg, her normal one, and yet another one on on the top of her right leg ...
She panicked and got dressed quickly and ran to her sex clinic , and demanded to see her doctor ....
After an anxious wait, She finally got in to his surgery - she explained the condition she had ....
Urm stated the Doctor never heard of this - get undressed - The Doctor was gobsmacked urm never seen this before ....
Please Doctor can you do anything ....The Doctor went fir his needle, and stitches thread, and started to stitch the extra vaginas up on each leg ...
Hang on she said is that going to heal up without any scars on each leg?
No stated the Doctor, but it will stop you getting Rogered left, right, and centre in your job!
She panicked and got dressed quickly and ran to her sex clinic , and demanded to see her doctor ....
After an anxious wait, She finally got in to his surgery - she explained the condition she had ....
Urm stated the Doctor never heard of this - get undressed - The Doctor was gobsmacked urm never seen this before ....
Please Doctor can you do anything ....The Doctor went fir his needle, and stitches thread, and started to stitch the extra vaginas up on each leg ...
Hang on she said is that going to heal up without any scars on each leg?
No stated the Doctor, but it will stop you getting Rogered left, right, and centre in your job!
Boyfriend calls around to his longstanding girlfriends family it is snowing a blizzard the snow is sticking thick - on entering her father warns him - the next person to speak has to go down the garden and get the coal in two big buckets and theny are both empty.....
The TV is on, and their is a power cut .... the fire is getting low in the living room ....no one will speak for the fear of going out in the snowdrift by the coal bunker.....
To the boys amazement his girlfriends father throws his girlfriends mother on the carpet, and makes mad passionate love to keep warm... nothing is said....they return to their chairs ....
The boy looks at his girlfriend , and thins sod it he throws his girlfriend to the floor and he too makes passionate love to enjoy , and keep warm expecting the silence to break ...... nothing said.....
A other hour of silence passes - Nothing is said the coal is now in embers , and it's getting colder by the minute ....
The father looks to the fireplace hearth lintel and sees his jar of Vaseline as he had cut his finger badly chopping kindling earlier that day ......
The father picks up the large jar of Vaseline .....
The boyfriend fears the worse- OK - Sod it I will get the coal in .........
The TV is on, and their is a power cut .... the fire is getting low in the living room ....no one will speak for the fear of going out in the snowdrift by the coal bunker.....
To the boys amazement his girlfriends father throws his girlfriends mother on the carpet, and makes mad passionate love to keep warm... nothing is said....they return to their chairs ....
The boy looks at his girlfriend , and thins sod it he throws his girlfriend to the floor and he too makes passionate love to enjoy , and keep warm expecting the silence to break ...... nothing said.....
A other hour of silence passes - Nothing is said the coal is now in embers , and it's getting colder by the minute ....
The father looks to the fireplace hearth lintel and sees his jar of Vaseline as he had cut his finger badly chopping kindling earlier that day ......
The father picks up the large jar of Vaseline .....
The boyfriend fears the worse- OK - Sod it I will get the coal in .........
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day