Jokes Thread

chrissyjack · December 18, 2019

I'm going on Dragons Den with my folding bottle-" Fottle " and my folding carton- "Farton ". If they like them. they're bound to like my folding bucket

canuckblue · December 18, 2019

chrissyjack said:
I'm going on Dragons Den with my folding bottle-" Fottle " and my folding carton- "Farton ". If they like them. they're bound to like my folding bucket

Anyone at Goodison tonight could have used a folding bucket.

tommytowne · December 19, 2019

Alanbileysfeathercut said:
Just bought a litre of tippex.

Huge mistake!

I knew a confused bloke who took some Tippex instead of his Viagra. He ended up with a massive correction.

BigBlueConk · December 20, 2019

One from the old days........My wife suggested I get myself one of those p***s enlargers.
So I did, her name is Linda and she is 19.

tommytowne · December 20, 2019

I was in a crowded lift earlier and some prick farted.
That's wrong on so many levels.

Bluetintedspecs · December 20, 2019

tommytowne said:
I was in a crowded lift earlier and some prick farted.
That's wrong on so many levels.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. Wrong on so many levels.

tommytowne · December 20, 2019

Bluetintedspecs said:
Crime in multi-storey car parks. Wrong on so many levels.

I've posted a few of the better ones that I got from Maurice Grumbleweed no less. Yes, the last surviving performer from the group.
He did a couple of shows while I was on a cruise this past week. Corny, cheesy, cheeky but he was very funny.

tommytowne · December 20, 2019

A guy picks up a girl one evening and after an evening of drinks and merriment they end up in bed together and are bang at it within seconds.
Later they lay post coital both naked on the bed and the girl was joyfully fondling the guy's genitals.
"You like that don't you?" he said.
"Yes" she replied, "I miss mine"

Kurt. · December 20, 2019

tommytowne said:
I was in a crowded lift earlier and some prick farted.
That's wrong on so many levels.

Bluetintedspecs said:
Crime in multi-storey car parks. Wrong on so many levels.

These jokes one after the other....wrong on any level lol

Methuselah · December 20, 2019

tommytowne said:
I've posted a few of the better ones that I got from Maurice Grumbleweed no less. Yes, the last surviving performer from the group.
He did a couple of shows while I was on a cruise this past week. Corny, cheesy, cheeky but he was very funny.

Where did you post them?

Bluetintedspecs · December 20, 2019

Kurt said:
These jokes one after the other....wrong on any level lol

summerisle · December 23, 2019

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6 oz when he was born ?
They had a weigh in the manger.

Groucho · December 23, 2019

chrissyjack said:
I'm going on Dragons Den with my folding bottle-" Fottle " and my folding carton- "Farton ". If they like them. they're bound to like my folding bucket

Most underrated

bluesb1970 · December 24, 2019

All I’m asking Santa for is arthritis medication. Fingers crossed!

Alanbileysfeathercut · December 24, 2019

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'