They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
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Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke and the third couldn't reach.
Spadge Vernacular
Player Valuation: £70m
What a beautiful day for dashing out to Trafalgar Square, chucking a bucket of whitewash over the pigeons and saying, ‘There you are, how do you like it?’
d34noj
Player Valuation: £40m
By Jove missus.
peteblue
Welcome back Wayne
Has to be Ken Dodd....
gonetomorrow
Player Valuation: £70m
Prison chaplain: And why are you here, my son?
Prisoner: Because they've got the doors locked.
Prisoner: Because they've got the doors locked.
What a beautiful day for poking a cucumber through the letterbox and shouting ...the martians have landed, by Jove missus.
Or -
Husband and his huge fat wife go to watch a Beatles tribute band. Near the end of the gig, the singer asks "Any requests?" His huge fat wife asks "Do you know 'I am the Walrus'?" Singer replies "Yes, obviously. But do you have any song requests?"
Husband and his huge fat wife go to watch a Beatles tribute band. Near the end of the gig, the singer asks "Any requests?" His huge fat wife asks "Do you know 'I am the Walrus'?" Singer replies "Yes, obviously. But do you have any song requests?"
A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumped against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
His life story was on BBC 2 last Sunday he cracked that gag - afterwards was about the history of variety comedians who played Blackpool another great watch - I went as a kid for a weeks holiday annually, seen some great comedians apart from Tarby, and Mike & Bernie Winters utter tosh......