Jokes Thread

[tommytowne]

My four year old grand daughter really surprised me this evening.
She was able to write her name backwards.
I said that's brilliant Anna.

 

[Anno1878]

Phil Spector's son, Crispin, is a quality controller for Walkers.

 

[summerisle]

From medieval Italy (14 th century), the original yer ma joke.

 

[summerisle]

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says: “Is this Whiskey?”​

Elmer says: “Yeth but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!!”

 

[blueloon]

Not sure how true this is but from what I can gather the R/S are looking for a new manager.

Apparently him and his family are moving home to Germany.

Not heard much detail but overhead a scouser who drinks in our pub say the klopps go back this weekend…

 

[Littlesue]

Poor bloke

 

[kev]

Not sure how true this is but from what I can gather the R/S are looking for a new manager.

Apparently him and his family are moving home to Germany.

Not heard much detail but overhead a scouser who drinks in our pub say the klopps go back this weekend…

@tommye Have you heard this?

 

[summerisle]

 

[canuckblue]

She invented the starter's pistol, I believe.

 

[Milk]

And God told man that He would provide willing and happy women in every corner of the earth




And then God made earth round

 

[Groucho]

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

On a good day, lipstick…..

 

[canuckblue]

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life."
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
The man with one arm asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
"I'm NOT happy," said the armless man. "My balls itch!"

 

[canuckblue]

A wealthy benefactor of a hospital was being given a tour of the facility by the chief surgeon. As they passed one room, the woman saw a patient frantically having a wank.
"My God," she said to the doctor. "How can you allow that?"
"I'm sorry you had to see that," the doctor replied. "But he has a condition in which his testicles get overfilled with sperm and unless he relieves the pressure at least five times a day, they could rupture."
The woman was satisfied with that explanation until she passed another room, where a male patient was being orally serviced by a nurse.
"How do you explain this?" she asked, indignantly.
"Simple," the doc replied. "Same condition. Better health plan."

 

[summerisle]