Most you've ever disappointed your partner

[marnie]

I came in last year from a lads night out and put porn on the laptop with one headphone in for added audio stimulation but also to scan for any noises of movement outside.

Must have started off like a Belgian pace runner in the 5,000 km but then dropped out into deep sleep.

Woke up with flaccid wang in hand and her just looking at me in the cold light of morning.

All I could say was "sorry girl" and was sent to bed. Never spoke of since but can see it in her eyes to this day.

There's always a loser in these situations............ She will learn the error of her ways.

 

[Arteta2391]

cheated with her best friend.

then we had a light 3some.

The good ol' days

 

[Prevenger17]

Got caught having a tug over Reddit gonewild in a hotel by London Euston once, she woke up so I lashed the iPad and she thought I was wanking over Ronnie o Sullivan in the world snooker final. Never lived that down.

I shouldn't have read this at 12 o'clock at night.

 

[The Esk]

@The Esk's deleted his post.

I was going to talk about the time I came third in the parents race at school sport's day, @mrs the esk has never let me forget, but it pails into insignificance in this thread.

 

[DualityNSNO]

Got caught having a tug over Reddit gonewild in a hotel by London Euston once, she woke up so I lashed the iPad and she thought I was wanking over Ronnie o Sullivan in the world snooker final. Never lived that down.

Brilliant.

So is this whole thread really.

 

[harris78]

Totally bladdered my ex picked me up in her brand new car that she had got that morning for me only to throw up all over the back seats. Once in her house I then proceeded to piss all over her bathroom floor as I was too drunk to aim straight and could only find her flannel to mop it all up with. Following morning I woke up to be greeted with her washing her face with said flannel that was covered in my beer scented piss.

Needless to say we didn't stay together to much longer after that.

 

[McBain]

cheated with her best friend.

then we had a light 3some.

The good ol' days

 

[Maxwell]

I was going to go down the racist route but this is much better.

 

[Kurt.]

for me.... every day presents a new opportunity it seems.

 

[Yorkie]

Another time, was round a girls house and she suggests we watch a nice film in her room.
Again, It SHOULD been what I believe our American cousins call "Netflix and chill"

She wanted me to pick the film - "Just put on something nice!" Did I go for Love Actually or something like that? Nope.

Reservoir Dogs.

 

[Charlie Sweet]

Many years ago I was going out with a lovely girl that lived in the next town. We were about 19 and her parents wouldn't let me stay in her room so the plan was I would stay in the spare bedroom. Her dad was sound and invited me to play golf with him and his mates early the next morning.

We went out to a local party and I got pretty drunk. Her parents were sound when we got in (from what I remember) and next morning the dad knocked on the spare room door and gave me a shout for golf. I staggered up not really knowing where I was and struggling to stand properly. It was dark and I was desperate for the loo.

It was dark. I went into what I thought was the bathroom still half asleep. Pulled out my little man and took careful aim at the toilet as best I could. I seemed to hit the spot and started to compose myself as I emptied away a couple of pints of Stella extract.

Then I heard the crying. For a split second I wondered what my girlfriend's little sister was doing in the bathroom when I kinda realised I was actually in the corner of her bedroom. In my defence they had wooden flooring throughout and the little girl's toys confused me.

The girlfriend's mother comes in and starts screaming and then the dad. He punched me square in the side of the face and smashed up my nose.

Then the girlfriend came in and started screaming at her dad (initially) before realising what was happening. With the drink and the punch from daddy I was away with the fairies but just couldn't stop p*ssing. It was like a little hose. Suffice to say that relationship ended there and then. Worst of it she was stunning and oh what could have been....

 

[Maxwell]

Another time, was round a girls house and she suggests we watch a nice film in her room.
Again, It SHOULD been what I believe our American cousins call "Netflix and chill"

She wanted me to pick the film - "Just put on something nice!" Did I go for Love Actually or something like that? Nope.

Reservoir Dogs.

I also made this mistake recently and put Pineapple Express on when I recently went back to a birds house after a night out. Hadn't seen it in ages and forgot how much I loved it. She fell asleep and I watched all 2 hours of it.

 

[Yorkie]

Many years ago I was going out with a lovely girl that lived in the next town. We were about 19 and her parents wouldn't let me stay in her room so the plan was I would stay in the spare bedroom. Her dad was sound and invited me to play golf with him and his mates early the next morning.

We went out to a local party and I got pretty drunk. Her parents were sound when we got in (from what I remember) and next morning the dad knocked on the spare room door and gave me a shout for golf. I staggered up not really knowing where I was and struggling to stand properly. It was dark and I was desperate for the loo.

It was dark. I went into what I thought was the bathroom still half asleep. Pulled out my little man and took careful aim at the toilet as best I could. I seemed to hit the spot and started to compose myself as I emptied away a couple of pints of Stella extract.

Then I heard the crying. For a split second I wondered what my girlfriend's little sister was doing in the bathroom when I kinda realised I was actually in the corner of her bedroom. In my defence they had wooden flooring throughout and the little girl's toys confused me.

The girlfriend's mother comes in and starts screaming and then the dad. He punched me square in the side of the face and smashed up my nose.

Then the girlfriend came in and started screaming at her dad (initially) before realising what was happening. With the drink and the punch from daddy I was away with the fairies but just couldn't stop p*ssing. It was like a little hose. Suffice to say that relationship ended there and then. Worst of it she was stunning and oh what could have been....

Such a common theme emerging throughout this thread is people getting drunk and weeing somewhere they shouldnt!

 

[Robertor]

Many years ago I was going out with a lovely girl that lived in the next town. We were about 19 and her parents wouldn't let me stay in her room so the plan was I would stay in the spare bedroom. Her dad was sound and invited me to play golf with him and his mates early the next morning.

We went out to a local party and I got pretty drunk. Her parents were sound when we got in (from what I remember) and next morning the dad knocked on the spare room door and gave me a shout for golf. I staggered up not really knowing where I was and struggling to stand properly. It was dark and I was desperate for the loo.

It was dark. I went into what I thought was the bathroom still half asleep. Pulled out my little man and took careful aim at the toilet as best I could. I seemed to hit the spot and started to compose myself as I emptied away a couple of pints of Stella extract.

Then I heard the crying. For a split second I wondered what my girlfriend's little sister was doing in the bathroom when I kinda realised I was actually in the corner of her bedroom. In my defence they had wooden flooring throughout and the little girl's toys confused me.

The girlfriend's mother comes in and starts screaming and then the dad. He punched me square in the side of the face and smashed up my nose.

Then the girlfriend came in and started screaming at her dad (initially) before realising what was happening. With the drink and the punch from daddy I was away with the fairies but just couldn't stop p*ssing. It was like a little hose. Suffice to say that relationship ended there and then. Worst of it she was stunning and oh what could have been....

I wee'd in my mother in law's drink while she was in the toilets once at a pub, she thought the lager was a strange colour and drank it. When she drunk it and found out she got in a mood and left in her car leaving her husband with us in the pub, ended up tying his legs together and rolling him down the hill into a river at about 4 in the morning in the middle of Cheshire countryside and being so pissed that we thought he'd drowned. Will never forget me mate ringing the police and turning himself in because he'd 'rolled a fella into the sea and I think I've killed him'. I miss being 18.

 

[caught]

Such a common theme emerging throughout this thread is people getting drunk and weeing somewhere they shouldnt!

Or being so attracted to the thought of urinating in/on/around something/someone that they make up an obvious lie about it. It's a curious fetish.