Most you've ever disappointed your partner

[admirschleck]

I was out with the Mrs had a few slurps and I said I love you more and more each day and don't think I could live without you, she said that's the beer talking I said I'm talking to the beer

Savage.

 

[COYBL25]

I suppose I should own up. There was this one time when I was seventeen and I was seeing this girl who was 28 and had seven breasts. When she took me home to meet her parents I said hi, madam, sir, and proceded to drink nine bottles of Jack Daniels before urinating all over the gluten free meal her mother had prepared especially for me. When her father asked why I'd do such a thing I just took a dump on the floor and left.

Because lads, innit.

The next day, though, I was going out with this supermodel who said I was the only one for her. This was back when I was having a trial for Utd and got an offer but then I did my cruciate in, lads. Anyway, she took me on holiday with her family to this little island they owned in the Med. Me being me, I poured two litres of cooked heroin into my eyeballs because LADS and then canonned a load of urine into her little sister's face for no reason. When the mother asked why I said "'cause LADS" and spat in her eye.

'cos lads.

'Cos lads I'm a lad and once I'm ladding this bird Kate Middleton in this big house and because lads this old bird with a crown comes in so I get my lad out and literally shoot her face off with a stream of urine lads. Then a couple of corgies run in and start lapping it up so I just shrug and have another Stella 'cos I'm a lad.

Holy Moly, are you related to @Baines' left foot by any chance ?

 

[Donald Twain]

This thread has took a turn for the better!

 

[COYBL25]

This thread has took a turn for the better!

It's lasted seven more pages than I thought it would !

 

[bluemangroup]

I didn't wear the edible knickers he bought me, the amorous pig.

 

[Pootsy]

Who won?

I've ironed more this year. Hope that helps.

 

[Gwlacticos]

I suppose I should own up. There was this one time when I was seventeen and I was seeing this girl who was 28 and had seven breasts. When she took me home to meet her parents I said hi, madam, sir, and proceded to drink nine bottles of Jack Daniels before urinating all over the gluten free meal her mother had prepared especially for me. When her father asked why I'd do such a thing I just took a dump on the floor and left.

Because lads, innit.

The next day, though, I was going out with this supermodel who said I was the only one for her. This was back when I was having a trial for Utd and got an offer but then I did my cruciate in, lads. Anyway, she took me on holiday with her family to this little island they owned in the Med. Me being me, I poured two litres of cooked heroin into my eyeballs because LADS and then canonned a load of urine into her little sister's face for no reason. When the mother asked why I said "'cause LADS" and spat in her eye.

'cos lads.

'Cos lads I'm a lad and once I'm ladding this bird Kate Middleton in this big house and because lads this old bird with a crown comes in so I get my lad out and literally shoot her face off with a stream of urine lads. Then a couple of corgies run in and start lapping it up so I just shrug and have another Stella 'cos I'm a lad.

Hahahahahaa. Crying here.

 

[Charlie Sweet]

I wee'd in my mother in law's drink while she was in the toilets once at a pub, she thought the lager was a strange colour and drank it. When she drunk it and found out she got in a mood and left in her car leaving her husband with us in the pub, ended up tying his legs together and rolling him down the hill into a river at about 4 in the morning in the middle of Cheshire countryside and being so pissed that we thought he'd drowned. Will never forget me mate ringing the police and turning himself in because he'd 'rolled a fella into the sea and I think I've killed him'. I miss being 18.

So many questions.....

First off why did you wee in the mother in laws drink? And after how many swigs did she notice?!

As for the father in law......did he not out up a bit of a fight at any point? !?!

 

[Maxwell]

...

 

[steken1]

I feel loads less bad reading this. Apart from going on the 'missing list' now and again in a decent person, it'd appear. Cheers lads...

 

[heatmeiser]

By admitting that I thought her entire family were genuinely retarded and I was worried that if we had kids she would pass down her defective genes to our offspring, before getting hammered on absinthe and telling them all to their face. Then waking up at a bus stop.

I also got spotted having a few drinks with a 'gender fluid' friend that I managed to convince her was purely for researching a potential article.

 

[Robertor]

So many questions.....

First off why did you wee in the mother in laws drink? And after how many swigs did she notice?!

As for the father in law......did he not out up a bit of a fight at any point? !?!

For a laugh really, she's a bit annoying and I'd already had about 10 pints by this point so I was getting there, and he was more drunk than any of us by that point so he didn't have a clue what was going on at the time.

 

[Robertor]

By admitting that I thought her entire family were genuinely retarded and I was worried that if we had kids she would pass down her defective genes to our offspring, before getting hammered on absinthe and telling them all to their face. Then waking up at a bus stop.

I also got spotted having a few drinks with a 'gender fluid' friend that I managed to convince her was purely for researching a potential article.

Absinthe's brilliant, makes you an absolute bell but it makes you have the funniest nights.

 

[mitchell1996]

This time last year i was getting on this girl my mate got me in with, she was a student from just outside london who'd moved to Liverpool for uni, well posh... but a proper stunner, i had no right mixing it with the likes of her.
So anyway me and my mate are chinwaggin to the her and her mate all night, pretending we werent the scallys we are, we'd all but nailed our prospects of action later that night, we started to hit different clubs around town, by the time we got back to their place i still to this day cant remember the rest. i woke up bollocko in my own bed, text my mate to ask him why i was in my bed and not theirs, and he told me that after he'd rattled his bird, they heard a noise and woke up, and came out to see that id spewed up everywhere and was wiping it up with my underpants and subsequently got kicked out on the streets bollock naked with a pair of undies covered in my own sick
Had to swerve drinking for a bit after that one

 

[Gwlacticos]

I had a story, but after reading through the thread, I think it would seem rather tame. So I'll keep it to myself if that's all the same to you.